Is this concerning?

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following Log in

Join Now

| | | | |

Is this concerning?

1, 2 Next

Forum -> Parenting our children

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 1:41 pm

I'm a new school nurse and today had an incident where a child had low fever, no appetite, vomitted before school and was in pain in school. she was in pain needed to go home. I called her mom to pick her up at 12:15, at 1:00 I called again because she hasnt come yet, she said she was 20 minutes away and showed up at 1:35, during this time her daughter was sleepingin the nurses office.
When the mom came she didnt say anything to her daughter other than lets go, get your back pack. the daughter came over to the mother looking very sick and disoriented from waking up and got close to her mother as if she wanted a hug, the mother didnt touch her daughter or even ask her how her stomach felt. she was very formal and told her daughter 2-3 times to pick up her water bottle and then they left.
I mentioned it to the secretary b/c I felt back for the child. I'm very big on hugging my children, supporting them etc. I'm not a stern, formal parent. I think every child needs to be shown love.
Is this worrying or is this just how some people parent?
I also noted that this child didnt ASK to go home when not feeling well the way other children do.
Is this worthy of speaking to the principal about?
(The school is not completely frum) the mother had very short hair, a baseball cap and jeans with some sort of vest jacket on top-sort of a masculine look, it's possible shes not a feminine, lovey, mushy type of person in general just based on her appearance.

amother

Hyacinth

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 1:46 pm

I'm a school counselor, so my opinion is speak up. Mention it to the principal. Try not to say anything accusatory. Maybe just, when xyz got picked up early cuz she wasn't feeling well, I got to meet her mother. I wasn't sure about the interaction, is there more going on there?

ewwpeas20

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 1:48 pm

😨💔

amother

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 1:48 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

Thats a good way to mention it
I also will speak to the daily nurse (im only here on Fridays) and find our if she knows more about the family. she'd been here for many years

giftedmom

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:02 pm

It could be something and it could be nothing. Make a record of it to see if a pattern emerges and keep an eye out.

happy chick

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:05 pm

Maybe you could speak to the child. Not to go behind anyone's back, but to ask how she's feeling. It will be a whole week ago, so she may forget about it by then. But if there's something big going on, she may open up.

amother

NeonPink

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:14 pm

If there is something inappropriate going on, you don't really want to be mixed in, because you're only a part-time member of the school and this really isn't within the scope of your practice. Give the information over to the appropriate person (principal or counselor), document the incident and follow up, and then put it out of your mind. Trust that the appropriate person will do their job and take care of the issue, if there is one. Nothing here happened that would make you a mandated reporter, and meddling to find out more (like a different poster suggested) can get you in big trouble.

amother

Peony

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:17 pm

Some people aren’t warm and fuzzy. It’s possible she was interrupting something important and didn’t change gears. I see no reason to start meddling just because she’s not as warm as you or was preoccupied.

amother

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:19 pm

amother Peony wrote:

Was thinking that but she ended up coming at dismissal time anyway.
I'm in this school 3 days per week but only work in this department on Fridays

oneofakind

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:19 pm

Mother being a cold fish or annoyed she had to disrupt her day is not reportable. Nor is emotional or verbal abuse unless child is in danger or neglected in concrete ways, unfortunately. Look up the guidelines.

amother

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:20 pm

Every child needs love to develop and flourish. I just want to make sure this child is getting enough love from the right places, I have a very soft spot in my heart for children, they're vulnerable

amother

Maple

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:22 pm

Sounds like the mother is a little frozen and probably carrying a lot of unprocessed trauma. I don't really think it's your place to get involved in attachment styles of the parents. It's not our job to fix every parent.

I once had a student who was sick but not running a fever and child was in 8th grade and crying and parent refused to pick the kid up. The school was actually respectful of the parent and took care of the child in the office.

I think we have very high expectations of ourselves and each other.

amother

Ebony

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:23 pm

I can think of many reasons it would go that way that could be no issue, and that could be an issue. For example, I had a kid who insisted on going to school on days she felt like this. I would tell her not to and that it wasnta good idea, and that I had a major appointment and if she stayed home she'd be with me and for a couple hours with the babysitter but if she went it would be very difficult to pick her up of she felt worse. She insisted, I got a call, and was at a specialist appointment for a kid I'd made 6 months in advance. So while I cut it short, I stayed a bit and was late. And I was likely in a bad mood and not happy with the kid for going in the first place, and maybe not able to or cognizant of cuddling because I was rushing.

But it's worth taking a note of.

amother

Peony

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

Every child needs love to develop and flourish. I just want to make sure this child is getting enough love from the right places, I have a very soft spot in my heart for children, they're vulnerable

There is nothing you can do to make someone show love in ways you approve of. This is not a time or place to meddle. You can be causing stress or messing up relationships. This is just projection.

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 2:34 pm

I’d be concerned too op and I think you’re doing the right thing looking into this a little further, but you can’t really know what’s going on based on what you saw. I’m a warm huggy kind of mother but someone I’m close with is very different and never cuddles or hugs her kids in public. She seems kind of formal most of the time. When you get to know her and her family you realize her kids get plenty of attention and love.

amother

Moccasin

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 3:21 pm

You really can't know based on this interaction. It doesn't look great, but it's also incredibly stressful as a parent to get the call in the middle of the day to pick up your sick kid, especially if you're a working parent or at a major appointment or something, especially if you're not so close to school when you get that call. The mom maybe was still stressed from her day being suddenly interrupted and trying to figure out how to even get there in a reasonable time frame. And for all you know, maybe she did a better job of taking her kid once they actually got home. You can file this in the back of your mind for the next time you interact with this parent to see if there's a pattern, but as things stand now, the mother hasn't done anything but react in a less than ideal manner to a less than ideal situation.

amother

Ruby

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 3:52 pm

You could be right.
But I think you’re reading a lot into what could be nothing. Lots of assumptions and judgments. Even some assumptions on her character based on her clothing. I think this is a little overboard.

amother

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 4:04 pm

amother Firebrick wrote:

Thanks, thats comforting.
My husband didnt hear I love you very much growing up, his mother was stressed out being a single mom and wasnt warm and loving and it has effected him.
I'm not jumping the gun saying this parent is neglectful or abusive in anyway just based on this one incident but if she doesn't feel loved and nurtured at home, I can try to provide that for her in school.
I was also only pointing out her style of dress in her defense, showing from another point of view that she may not be a warm, mushy, mother due to personality and who knows, her husband may be very lovey with the kids but not her.

amother

Babypink

Fri, Mar 17 2023, 5:46 pm

I’m very shy to show affection in public. I very rarely hug my kids around other people.
I would hate for someone to judge me.

Also you don’t know what you caught her in the middle of. It could be literally anything. Let your imagination run wild for a moment.
And please don’t judge!

amother

Bellflower

Sat, Mar 18 2023, 10:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

(The school is not completely frum) the mother had very short hair, a baseball cap and jeans with some sort of vest jacket on top-sort of a masculine look, it's possible shes not a feminine, lovey, mushy type of person in general just based on her appearance.

Stereotype much? Your frum prejudices and your insular upbringing are showing. What does this woman's being frum or not frum have to do with anything? You think frum people have a monopoly on maternal love? Some people don't do mush in front of strangers. I, for one, don't hug and kiss my kids or even my grandchildren in public, and I know others who also refrain, either from a fear of ayin hara or from reluctance to pour out their guts in public. And since when does the way a person dresses have anything to do with her mothering style? Women who live in jeans and baseball caps are no less likely to be loving mothers than frilly girly-girls. I don't know where you get this nonsense from.

Page 1 of 2

1, 2 Next