DD 8 wishing she was dead

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:15 pm

"I wish I could go to sleep and when I wake up I would be dead."
"I wish I had never been born."

She's 8 years old. Very smart and cute, if a little socially off at times. She does have friends, is liked, and has regular play dates. We are doing OT for emotional regulation, so far I have not seen this to be effective.

It worries me. She takes everything very hard and says things like "everybody hates me" which is totally not true.

She is the oldest and her younger siblings get into her stuff and bother her at times.

Other than spending one-on-one time with her regularly, listening to her and validating her experience. What should be my next steps?

amother

Papaya

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:17 pm

Neuro-psychological evaluation.
Professional will indicate where her difficulty lies that makes her react with helplessness, hopelessness, fear of people not liking her etc.

giftedmom

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:18 pm

Getting her a psychiatric evaluation

amother

Stone

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:18 pm

My dd with pandas gets like this when she's flaring. It's brain inflammation talking. Your dd seems to have some of the other symptoms too.

amother

Red

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:21 pm

Test for strep or do some blood work , an 8 year old talking that way is concerning . Has you seen a psychologist , make sure someone who is really good for her age . Refuah shelama. It’s so hard to hear a child talk that way

Frumwithallergies

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:22 pm

That is heartbreaking. Sending you strength to listen to her, and hugs to her.

amother

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:27 pm

Thanks. It sounds heartbreaking but the thing is, she only speaks like this when she's feeling down which usually happens at bedtime. She does not have a carefree personality, but when she's busy with other things, she is a happy.
She often tells me at night, "I'm not going to school tomorrow." And I'm like okay, you want to take a day off tomorrow, you can stay home no problem. But then every morning she wakes up and gets dressed and tells me she decided to go to school.
She does cry easily and gets very upset, such as when her younger siblings bother her.

Frumwithallergies

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:35 pm

This may just be a phase - perhaps she is going through a tough time with other girls at school? Bullying starts young with girls, and is often overlooked because it is 'social' bullying.

I am not a psychologist, but I have reached out for professional advice when confronted with challenging parenting issues --- and this is definitely one of them.

It is all the more difficult when it is your oldest, I find, at least for me. With my younger ones, as they get older, I find I have better strategies and am wiser. I seem to be able to read situations with my dc better.

I am hooping someone wise than me chimes in with better advice! Hug

oneofakind

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:42 pm

All of the above and kindly get her a place to keep her things safe and protection from her siblings.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:46 pm

Omg op I cant believe this! Dealing with identical issue with 8 y o dd!

She is highly sensitive and emotional type of kid and articulate too and will make dramatic comes that have me worried. She gets extra talkative and a lot of her negativity comes out at bedtime. Part of me wonders if that its her way of getting my attention cuz she sees that I dislike this kind of talk.

"everybody hates me"
"I
hate the way I look"
"I'm a messy girl"

Before anyone says she is being spoken to that way and that is why she says this' I guarantee you that DH and I are overly intuned and loving towards her.

For now we are doing a happy notebook everynight where she can write or draw her feelings
And a book on how to talk to your worries and anxieties...

Wont hurt to have your DD evaluated but maybe get someone to help you deal with her first and then take it from there. Play therapy with kids is a hit or miss. Btdt!

LovesHashem

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:48 pm

Get an evaluation

amother

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:50 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

Interesting. Good to hear from someone in the same boat.

Honestly, I am very hesitant to get her evaluated. She understands very deeply everything around her. She has almost a photographic memory too. I think reading surveys or being asked questions will plant more ideas in her head.

I am considering therapy. There's someone top notch I've heard of nearby, but it will cost us $$$$$

amother

Salmon

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 9:55 pm

I was a child like this. I felt things very deeply, would often wish not to wake up in the morning. I am in therapy now but it is much harder to get rid of this type of thinking after years. Wish my mom had been as amazing as you tho!!

amother

Beige

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 10:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

I still think it's reccomended. I was a child like this too.

amother

NeonPurple

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 10:20 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

Very similar here also. DD is 9. Very happy, easygoing, fun, popular and talented usually. But she gets like this when she’s feeling down also. Many times it’s also when her younger siblings get into her stuff. She’s also the oldest. She’s a very literal thinker. We just started the process for language processing which everyone thinks will be major for her even though I was shocked when they first suggested it. It does make sense though.

amother

Raspberry

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 11:09 pm

Does she tell you WHY she doesn’t want to go to school the next day? Maybe something is going on and you’re missing it because she’s happy and distracted most of the time?

CPenzias

Tue, Mar 21 2023, 11:41 pm

Oy these sweet girls ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 you moms are awesome for trying to figure out how to help them. They sound so sweet and cute and smart. Maybe psychologist? In my experience psychiatrist will give you meds but that doesn't necessarily get to the route of the issue. Sending hugs to the kiddos and their moms

amother

Dustypink

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 12:36 am

I’m curious why language therapy would help? I have a dd who is very intense- different then what you are describing and wondering what language therapy targets

amother

Steel

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:46 am

amother OP wrote:

Op, your dd reminds me so much of me as a child. I also had an almost photographic memory. I was the kid with the A+ who barely even studied (until high school). You mentioned a regulation issue, and actually a lot of what you describe sounds like a regulation issue in her head (the inability to shut things off, stop latching onto ideas and running away with them.) It turns out I have ADHD. Medication has helped me immeasurably.

Before you resist considering it, ADHD is so poorly named. Its primary trait is not inattentiveness, it's actually self regulation. Her brain not shutting off at night is part of the regulation issue.

Whatever she has she'll have regardless of whether or not anyone acknowledges it and gives her the tools to get better. A correct diagnosis is the best thing anyone can do for her. I so wish that my parents would have understood and taken this seriously when I was diagnosed as a child. It would have saved me years of getting into trouble, anxiety, and low self esteem.

Here's one of the best breakdowns of ADHD I've seen from someone who's considered a leader in the field. (It's from a lecture, split up into shorter videos to make it easier to listen to.) It's a very broad explanation that applies to the majority, so not every single thing is going to apply to every single person with ADHD. But if much of this sounds like it could apply to your child, you're doing her a disservice by not getting her evaluated and into some kind of treatment.

[youtube]https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLzBixSjmbc8eFl6UX5_wWGP8i0mAs-cvY[/youtube]

Hmmm I guess sharing a playlist doesn't work? This is the first of the series if you can't find it from the above. But look for the playlist so you can see them all in a row.

amother

Glitter

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:12 am

My 8 year daughter is going through the same exact thing now. She's very very bright and articulate often says things like Whats the point of being alive, I was born weird, you don't understand etc etc, only when she's upset like if I tell her to turn off the game she's playing.

She also hates school, and getting her to go is a struggle every single day but she seems happy when she's there.
The problem is she feels everything very very deeply. If a teacher gets upset at her it lingers for weeks.
She is diagnosed with ADHD and yes regulation seems to be a big problem. It takes all my energy to get her to calm down and relax and feel better when she's in one of those loathing moods. We'll be speaking to her psychiatrist soon about this and starting therapy for her soon as well, its just so upsetting. I really feel you OP

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