How to make in-laws’ Seder fun without taking over

amother

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 12:33 pm

Another of the dozen “how to make Seder fun for kids” but specifically when you’re a guest.

I have a 3 year old dd and we’re going to my in-laws seder the first night and making our own the second. I love my in-laws, but even I think their seder is so boring and already far too long. It’s just reading the Haggadah and maybe one dry dvar Torah during the meal and somehow it still goes to 2:30. Getting a preschooler to sit through it is going to be a nightmare. DD is the only grandchild. What can I do to make it fun for her (and me, honestly) without taking over my FIL’s seder or drawing it out too much?

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 12:45 pm

She can hang around until mah nishtana and then let her go play.

She'll probably be back for many more than 4 cups of grape juice.

You can also bring chocolate and bribe her to say it nicely.

Not sure if it would go over well to bring say, little animals for makkos. It depends. Both my parents and IL would be fine with it.

Highstrung

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 12:45 pm

Give her a treat for after she says the Mah Nishtana . She should stand on a chair to say it. It makes them feel like a million bucks, especially in front of Bobby and Zaidy.
You can have her sing her songs. I’m sure your in-laws would love for her to join in. Like when it comes to the makkos, you can say “Zaidy , Esti has a song she learned about the makkos, can she sing it?” And let her perform.
At least that’s what we do.
Also, honor her with bringing the washing cup and bowl with a towel to your DH or FIL when you do Urchatz and Rochtza.
And of course ask her which is the bigger half of the matzah by yachatz and let her tell Zaidy which one should be for the afikomen.

amother

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 12:57 pm

scruffy wrote:

She doesn't have to sit through it. She can play nearby and come to the table for songs etc.

The problem with letting her play is that a) she’s really not great at independent play, which means DH or I end up with her and b) if she does get too into her own play, it gets wild and she starts screaming and throwing things, especially if she’s tired.

Those are things we’re working on separately, but they’re certainly not going to be resolved in 2 weeks.

So I’m hoping for ways I can keep her entertained relatively quietly at the table so DH and I can be where we need to be and can help her regulate.

amother

DarkKhaki

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:02 pm

I would bring animals for makkos, or the masks. Take a minute at the relevant parts and use them. I think you might be surprised by what the grandparents do.

amother

Hibiscus

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:03 pm

gingleale wrote:

Put her to bed before the Seder. Yom tov starts so late and it won't be fun for her anyway.

I agree with this, she'll have the second seder that you can make fun for her.

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:06 pm

The Dreidel Company Passover Plague Masks, Laminated Pesach Face Masks https://a.co/d/4qilIzr
I bought animals finger puppets(not sure where oriental trading, maybe?) And small black insects and take them out every seder. I put it away with my pesach stuff so it's new and exciting every year!
And of course nosh, preferably something she doesn't get all year! Use it as a reward every time she participates!
If you have amazing savings near you they have tons of props for pesach!

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

If she's tired, put her to sleep. She'll have the second seder at home.

amother

Dimgray

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:12 pm

I would have a pile of books or toys for her and wouldn't make her sit the whole time. I would have her show off any crafts or anything she's made at the beginning of maggid. We always had fun acting out the makkos with props (and we had a bag full of frogs that we would keep hiding around the room).
Think about the parts that she might find meaningful or have learnt about and let her be the rest of the time.

amother

Obsidian

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:13 pm

Like others said, she's very young to follow along even part of the seder & wouldn't even know if she missed it altogether. Personally I'd try to bring along whatever she usually sleeps with like blanket etc & put her to sleep in a pack n play (yours or if grandparents have). No reason to torture a toddler by making her stay up so late.

If sleep is not gonna happen then treats & toys.

Please don't expect your in laws to modify their seder for your dd.

amother

Dimgray

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:14 pm

Also we have a small bottle of grape juice for each child and they can each have their '4' cups whenever they want, which they love. There's something about filling up their own kiddush cup and drinking that really exciting. As well as plenty of karpas vegetables to sit and keep dipping in for a while.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 1:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

It is unrealistic to expect a 3 year old to stay at the table very long. No matter how exciting.

How long is circle time at playgroup? That is the upper bound. So 15 minutes?

What does she do at the shobbos seuda.

amother

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:16 pm

amother Ginger wrote:

She’s not able to sit through most of circle time as it is. She gets up to play and wants to take her friends with her.

If there’s other kids around on Shabbos she’ll disappear with them the whole seuda. If not, she’ll want to sit with me and then when she’s bored she’ll beg for me to come play with her. Just in the last few weeks, we may get 10 min or so of independent magnatile play, otherwise DH and I have to switch off who leaves the table to play with her. It’s something I really struggle with.

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think she's not ready yet to participate in a seder and would be best off going to sleep at her regular bed time or after mah nishtana. She's still a toddler. It's unrealistic to expect them to sit for more than afew minutes.
My older kids sometimes also go to sleep at various points during the seder.

Highstrung

Wed, Mar 22 2023, 2:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

So a Seder would probably be too hard for her to handle anyway, no matter how interactive it is. I think you’re better off putting her to sleep unless she is expecting to stay up because she learned about it.