Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> The Social Scene
S/o- "breaking up" with a best friend
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 11:37 am
Did anyone experience a breakup with their best friend? I had a best friend for years- we spoke every day, saw each other all the time, and one day she just stopped being friends with me. It was so hurtful and till this day I'm baffled. And I miss her. It happened a while ago but I still think about it. I haven't had another best friend like that since.
Back to top

amother
Chicory


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 11:39 am
I know the feeling although not to this extent. It's so painful.

Did you ask her why?
Back to top

amother
Whitewash


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 1:19 pm
Yes, this happened to me three different times in life. Each was extremely painful and while I am now in my 40s, when I think back to each time this happened, it physically pains me. One was in 8th grade, once in high school and once right before I got married.
I have never had a best friend after that.
Back to top

amother
Snapdragon


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 2:29 pm
YEs. We were super close, I realized we had become unhealthily enmeshed. I tried to continue the relationship but it was too scary for her that I wasn't oversharing myself like I always had. So we fizzled out...
Back to top

amother
Daisy


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 2:40 pm
Yes I had that about 10 years ago.
I try not to let it bother me, but it’s definitely a pity we don’t talk anymore. We used to have good times together.
Back to top

amother
Oxfordblue


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 3:16 pm
OP of the perfect friend thread here. How did you all survive?
Back to top

amother
Tulip


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 3:24 pm
Yes I had this and posted a few threads about it.
We were super close talked several times a day almost everyday.
We have been friends for over 40 yrs.
One day she said she would call then nothing when I called her she never got back to me.
I came to realize that she has a problem that she can’t open up and she never spoke to me about her problems always pretend everything was fine. Her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and even that she kept secret making up excuses for her mother’s behavior even when I told her about my mother’s diagnosis.
It’s hard because I do run into her from time to time and we just ignore each other.
Back to top

amother
Lightgray


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 3:25 pm
I had this twice, once I was the one breaking communication. It had just become too draining and there was too much negativity and blame. It was a time in my life that I was undergoing certain changes anyways so it made sense just to stop talking. I know I hurt my friend terribly, but I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. We've since talked about it and now speak a few times a year.

When I was on the other end (friend breaking contact with me) I was devastated. But I knew deep down that it would be for the best and that only good would come of it. It was just way too intense. It just felt as though years of effort were going down the drain.

After those instances I decided to change tracks and try to just make regular friends- and not be so desperate for such intense relationships anymore. Fast forward a bunch of years I have really close friends- that happened so organically- that are, dare I say "practically perfect". I just don't have the same expectations out of the relationships- and I wouldn't go back for anything...
Back to top

amother
Blueberry


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 3:27 pm
amother Oxfordblue wrote:
OP of the perfect friend thread here. How did you all survive?


I literally went to therapy for it, it affected me so bad. We had been best friends since childhood, she was the one person who truly got me until I met my husband. She didn't want me to reach out to her for several years and I respected that, now we have a cordial occasional relationship but honestly it hurts more somehow. I just tried to use it as a lesson for myself going forward and being honest with myself about my role in the relationship (not unhealthy just didn't work out). But that was after the grieving and omg I don't know how I survived the first few days...
Back to top

amother
Scarlet


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 3:30 pm
It happened to me twice in my adult years and it was so painful.
The first time, it wasnt a healthy friendship, and although she broke it up because she found new friends, I was the one who ended benefiting from the break up. I had become way to dependent on her and it made me so much stronger emotionally. I was in my early 20s then and we made up since then. We are good friends but not so close anymore.
With the second friend, it took me a while to move on. It was super hard because we were so close, so in tune with each other. The worse was that there was no closure because we never discussed it and I still dont understand what may have caused it. Altough I know that she was going through some hard times and maybe she felt I could not relate. But still... Very painful but not unheard of. Hugs
Back to top

ces




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 3:30 pm
amother OP wrote:
Did anyone experience a breakup with their best friend? I had a best friend for years- we spoke every day, saw each other all the time, and one day she just stopped being friends with me. It was so hurtful and till this day I'm baffled. And I miss her. It happened a while ago but I still think about it. I haven't had another best friend like that since.


Yes. My friend and I got into an argument. First she apologized by text, then she ghosted me. I went to therapy to help myself move past it but I'm still baffled and hurt.
Back to top

amother
Aster


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 3:39 pm
I once had to break up a friendship and it was hard for me because I sincerely thought this person was my friend. And then several people who I absolutely trust mentioned how she had an eye for my dh. I started paying more attention and it was hard to see the truth. I do miss her, and I didn't know what to say to her. But family comes first, dh comes first.
Back to top

amother
Moonstone


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 3:49 pm
Yes, shortly after I got married. Won't say best friend, but good friend. Apparently, some 'friend' went behind my back saying I was jealous of her, and bad things were happening to her. Not sure where she got the jealousy part from, and it hurt a lot, especially the lie, but I moved on. I do think of her a lot, and I miss her. After approximately 10 years I reached out to her and she told me that the above happened and she feels like we really missed out on many good years for such immaturity. Then covid hit and haven't heard from her since.
If you're that friend and happen to be reading this, know that I would love to rebond!
Back to top

amother
Snowflake


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 4:10 pm
I had something like that happen to me. I had a best friend since childhood. We remained best friends and spoke on the phone often. 1 day she just stopped returning my calls. I bought it up with her to find out what happened and she pretended everything was fine. I tried staying friends after that and calling her but it was obvious that she wasn't interested. She hardly ever picked up the phone and so I stopped calling her. It's been like 3 years and I'm still really hurt. And I miss her. I have no clue what happened for her to cut me off like that. I don't have another friend I'm as close too. I became closer to my sisters and brother, I shmooze with them on the phone now instead and appreciate that at the end of the day, family stays family. Friends come and go.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 5:38 pm
Wow. It's really crazy how much it can affect people. I never knew the reason why she did it to me. I tried asking her and she was very vague. We had a healthy relationship and we just got each other and had fun together. I look back at old pictures from high school and single years and it makes me really miss her. I've never met anyone else I see myself being best friends with. Now my husband is but there's still nothing like a best girl friend. I'm jealous of anyone who has a best friend.
Back to top

amother
Snapdragon


 

Post Thu, Mar 23 2023, 8:04 pm
amother Blueberry wrote:
I literally went to therapy for it, it affected me so bad. We had been best friends since childhood, she was the one person who truly got me until I met my husband. She didn't want me to reach out to her for several years and I respected that, now we have a cordial occasional relationship but honestly it hurts more somehow. I just tried to use it as a lesson for myself going forward and being honest with myself about my role in the relationship (not unhealthy just didn't work out). But that was after the grieving and omg I don't know how I survived the first few days...


I was the one pulling out of the unhealthy relationship, but I had been so affected already that I also needed therapy to pull me together and strengthen myself. She tried pulling me back and it wasn't easy.
She actually stopped it cold turkey...couldnt do the casual relationship, and I'm actually thankful to Hashem, because it would be harder for me to balance that way.
Back to top

amother
Pewter


 

Post Fri, Mar 24 2023, 4:57 am
I am that friend who just dropped someone I saw as a sister.

I became super close with someone. It started organically and grew. Nothing unhealthy, but just really close good friends. I loved our relationship. I felt like I could talk to her about everything. I felt like she was one of the few people who really saw me, understood me, and appreciated me. It was clear to me that I also impacted her life for the good. She was inspired by me to do certain things in her life differently, or to even start doing some new things. I used to joke that I didn't want her husband not to like me because her life changed since I came into it. I would marvel at how much we enjoyed each other's company. I'm not naturally social, and when I become friends with someone, I am all in, so I don't actively pursue new relationships. I've got many good friends, thank Gd. She was always the one who reached out to me first. I enjoyed her company, but I was also totally fine without it. I didn't need to speak to her daily or just check in. I did notice that I gave more in our relationship in terms of providing support or help or physical things, but I'm a giver by nature, and I don't usually ask others for help. Though I did feel like I could here if I needed to. I also felt like she gave to me so much by giving me a space to truly be me and express myself. I didn't need anything else.

I took on a project that made a big impact on my personal life. She was inspired, and took it on as well. I was so happy and flattered that she was inspired by my project, that I was super encouraging of her.

Things started going downhill when she began a big project that was her dream for a while. When she shared this dream, I told her she can do it. When she had doubts, I addressed them. In short, I was super supportive. When she decided to go through with it, she asked me to help her. I told her that this was her project, and that I was happy to help in whatever way that I could, but I wasn't taking this on as my project. I didn't have the time for it, and I didn't want to commit to something without knowing if I could give her what she expected from me. Initially, she offered to make me a partner, but I didn't want to commit to anything or let her down, so I told her I'm happy to help her as I could without expecting anything in return.

This became all absorbing for her. She would knock on my door sometimes several times a day asking for an idea or to present me with a problem. I (and my husband too!) was a constant source of creativity for her project. She put the whole thing together herself, but it was mostly based on my ideas and suggestions. Even the professional who got involved, I brought to the project. As she got what she needed from me, I noticed she began to be much more critical of me and my personal pursuits. I brushed it off in the beginning, but then it started bugging me more. I said something to her about it, and she apologized and explained something about being naturally critical of those closest to her. Something about being worried that I give too much to others but not to myself. How I need to tell others no (except her of course). Then she let me know that she was OK (after I confronted her), and that I shouldn't worry that I upset her. Phew.

Then she got social media to promote her project. Only her project wasn't ready, so she promoted my project that she copied as if it was her own. Multiple posts a week about my project, only it was hers.

I was shocked. I tried to ignore it. Said it wasn't worth our friendship. Tried taking the high road...but things escalated to the extent that I couldn't look at her. I couldn't understand how she didn't see this as a betrayal. Why she never thought to mention that I inspired this project and that it wasn’t her idea. Around this time I also noticed that she pulled back and didn't want me involved in her project anymore, which I was fine with. I was exhausted. Finally she posted something which was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wrote a long text (which I had others proof read to make sure I wasn't attacking or being petty). I explained how much she means to me and how much our relationship did for me, and then I laid out how betrayed I feel by her actions. How I can't wrap my head around it and how painful it is. 10 minutes later I got a very defensive response telling me how sad it is that I see things the way I do, and that lately she finds it hard to talk to me and she doesn't have to be my friend if I don't want her to. But if I do, then we can discuss this at her house over coffee like grown ups.

My husband was sure that she was going to calm down and apologize for that response. She never did. I was advised by my therapist not to respond back. Apparently she is not in a place to be a good friend. I have had no closure. It has been driving me crazy for months. Seeing her promote her project which has my handprints all over it has also been excruciating. When I see her I wave and say hi, but that is it. She probably thinks I'm crazy or petty or immature. She is probably baffled. I know I am. How you can be so close to someone and know that they are hurt (whether legitimately or not), and not want to make things better. How can you use someone so much and just drop them? How is there no hakaras hatov? I don't understand any of it. And if I did something wrong or offensive, why not talk to me? I tried with her, but that just blew up.

So that is it. Best friends one day. And then nothing but bad feelings.
Back to top

amother
Catmint


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2023, 11:57 am
Yes.
I became friends (like sister-friends) with someone in my late teens-early twenties. I was very close to her whole family. They are the type of family that takes people under their wing, and they took me under their wing, and I was so grateful. I was at a stage when I wanted their support, and I let their very strong personalities lead me. They gave me so much, and I was truly one of the family as I was living quite a lonely existence at the time.
When I got engaged, they were at odds with my (now) husband because they come from very different cultures. They read the signs wrong and thought it was a bad relationship for me. They tried persuading me just before the wedding to check our names with a Kabbalist, and I was furious at them. They pretty much pulled our wedding off, taking care of all the details. We kind of drifted away after our wedding, and at some point, she just stopped speaking to me because I wrote to her after her wedding saying how we were not really at each other's wedding- they spent my wedding warning my family and friends about my husband (literally), and I spent her wedding (a few months later) on the outskirts feeling miserable.
She stopped speaking to me, and I have tried over the years to reach out to her. She is too hurt to forgive me. It still hurts. In recent years, all I want to do is say sorry. Despite all of their mistakes, I just want to say sorry for how much I hurt her because if she is in the place of not wanting to even speak to me or hear from me, she must be really, really hurt. I wish I could just apologize for my hurting her and other family members.
I don't know if it will ever not hurt. I sometimes think that I've moved on but then realize later on that I haven't really, and it still hurts.
Back to top

amother
Dustypink


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2023, 12:28 pm
I remember I became close friends with someone in high school. We would spend hours having those long deep intimate conversations together and did everything together.

One day she simply stopped talking to me, would slip out when I would enter the room, didn’t want to look at me and basically ignored me. I once tried to talk to her but her clipped response and annoyed facial expressions made it very clear that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

I’m completely clueless as to what happened and hurt to this day.

It’s been many years and I still think about her and wonder what I could have possibly done so wrong to have been treated like a complete stranger from one day to the next.

I never had such an experience with anyone. I have quite a few friends for years now and they all stayed with me.

Thinking about this now really hurts.
Back to top

amother
Tealblue


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2023, 12:47 pm
amother Dustypink wrote:
I remember I became close friends with someone in high school. We would spend hours having those long deep intimate conversations together and did everything together.

One day she simply stopped talking to me, would slip out when I would enter the room, didn’t want to look at me and basically ignored me. I once tried to talk to her but her clipped response and annoyed facial expressions made it very clear that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

I’m completely clueless as to what happened and hurt to this day.

It’s been many years and I still think about her and wonder what I could have possibly done so wrong to have been treated like a complete stranger from one day to the next.

I never had such an experience with anyone. I have quite a few friends for years now and they all stayed with me.

Thinking about this now really hurts.


So sorry for your pain!

Thinking about your post here reminded me of when I dropped someone in H.S. - It was a girl a grade younger than me, that was very emotionally needy. At first, I enjoyed being friends with her, she was a cute, creative spirit and great company but then it just became way too much, especially as she always wanted to hang out with me even when I was hanging out with my own friends. She even went so far as to fake an asthma attack. I soon realized I was way out of my league, and she needed real help. Unfortunately there was really no nice way to do it, as any time I tried hinting to her my need for space, she started getting all dramatic.

I still feel bad that I hurt her.
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> The Social Scene

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Dress for friend's wedding
by amother
0 Yesterday at 5:16 pm View last post
Gown gemach for friend/cousin/nieces wedding
by amother
3 Yesterday at 8:10 am View last post
Where to get 44"/48" mattresses/platform beds 1 Yesterday at 7:33 am View last post
Home situation of DD's friend
by amother
39 Yesterday at 7:04 am View last post
Does anybody use "the pink stuff"?
by tweety1
11 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:47 am View last post