Poll: would you/ do you give your kids your code?

amother

Coral

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 8:17 am

I miss voted. I said yes, but that was before I read it. I don’t have kids under 12. Sometimes when I am driving I need to DDs to address my texts from DH or my mom. (One’s face actually opens my phone anyway🤷‍♀️).

My DDs have the same phone as I do and are responsible young adults. Anything they can access on my phone they can access on theirs. There are no private text conversations as I don’t put anything in writing that I don’t consider public. I don not text my DH “romantic” or sxy texts. The closest exception is the Mikva texts confirming appointments and they just say confirming reservation and they don’t even say what for.

B”H My life is very boring

amother

Coral

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 9:23 am

What in the world to you text people/they text you. My text from the last three days consist of.
Have a good Shabbos
Going to ShopRite, do you want anything?
can I borrow an egg?
Thank you for having us for lunch, we had a great time.
Do you have 2 a cup of flour I can have. Don’t want to open a new bag before pesach.
The cleaning lady had to take her son to the doctor and wants you to know she will be late.
Can my son get a ride home with you
A picture of a dove and flowers saying Shabbat Shalom
And a few more good Shabbos texts.
My dad linked an article about red peppers and recipes from the Aish website.
On the 90 person WhatsApp group chat, people gave away clothes, food, and costume jewelry.
Someone asked for a vacuum recommendation and someone else asked about the 7 layer Chantilly cake at Costco.
Another person wanted to know if the wild caught frozen salmon from Costco was good for pesach or only the Atlantic. A screen shot of the OU website was provided.

This all sounds like top secret information.

What do you guys text??? Am I the only boring loser here?

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 9:41 am

because if you have a phone with access to the internet, giving the code means giving your children access to:

EVERYTHING
UNFILTERED (even if you think it is because kids and adults can get past filters)
EVERY type of filth that exists.

Don't tell me that youtube filters out filth because it doesn't!
Don't tell me that whatsapp is fine because it isn't!

Unless your phone is also a workphone, keeping things personal isn't the biggest reason to keep your code to yourself.

amother

Aqua

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 9:49 am

coral: just because you do not text anything personal it is still good etiquette to let people texting you know
send out a psa
like if someone calls you and you are on speaker and others around etc it is good etiquette to inform your caller that "you are on speaker"

and you do not wait until someone texts you something thinking it is only going to your eyes that you let them know
also what you may not consider private someone else might

as poster upthread said: this also applies to group chats email and so on...everything accessible on your phone
some things people send are certainly not meant for your children as people think they are sending to you
so if your kids have access, or dh, let people know
it is the mentschlicht thing to do

amother

Coral

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 10:12 am

I’m just curious, if someone you occasional text, because usually you speak by phone, said to you “my children can access my phone.” Would you remember? You could tell me and I promise you 6 days yet alone weeks later I would have no clue.
Just to add context, they are older than many people here. They don’t live home. They have their own phones with the same internet access as mine. My phone holds absolutely no appeal except maybe mine is in the room currently or has a charge when they are home and need to look something up (like what time does Amazing Savings close -exciting stuff). They are respectful individuals who don’t read others messages just as I don’t read theirs. Do you scroll through DH’s phone? Does he thru yours? Do you consider that appropriate? Would you go thru your moms? Just because I have helped my mom unlock her phone does not mean I read her messages.
As I stated before, I am not discussing a 9 yo. But even when they were 9 they were respectful and are aware of boundaries.

amother

Poppy

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 10:17 am

amother Coral wrote:

Same lol.

nnmom

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 11:58 am

amother Aqua wrote:

nmom
if someone did this to me then I would change my code and not let anyone particularly that person know it

I wonder if I didn’t explain it so well. I was saying that someone that we trusted has been letting my child use their phone and computer so that they could get help. But wasn’t supervising the child. Inadvertently giving them access to their info, including financials etc

giftedmom

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 12:31 pm

nnmom wrote:

Not okay. That person would have only supervised access to my child from now on

amother

Blue

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 12:40 pm

amother Coral wrote:

My sister texting me ultrasound photos and health updates when she’s expecting; she told me, my siblings and parents etc but it’s not public info yet

Me texting my sisters a picture of myself trying on a dress: “is this too tight? What do you think?”

Emails with teachers, therapists and medical professionals. My kids know I’m taking their sibling “to the doctor”, but they have no right to details of discussion (“DD is having trouble sleeping, can we discuss adjusting dosage of her antidepressant at our next meeting” etc)

Etc.

amother

NeonBlue

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 12:42 pm

nnmom wrote:

That's crazy too! I wouldn't want my child having such access to anyone's device.

Laiya

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 12:52 pm

nnmom wrote:

This is a very different question. This is a question of someone else allowing your dc to have unsupervised Internet access.

Did the person know what your rules are regarding that? If yes, then it was very disrespectful of them. If not, then maybe an honest mistake. But I don't get the financials piece. Presumably no adult would intentionally share that with a child under 12, or anyone, especially someone else's child?

nnmom

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 2:23 pm

Laiya wrote:

No, the person didn’t know our rules and had innocent intentions. We have a very curious kid that snooped around. This adult is very upset with the child and that’s how we found out that they were given all access.

giftedmom

Sun, Mar 26 2023, 2:24 pm

nnmom wrote:

This is crazy
Clearly this adult doesn’t know kids