People think we are richer than we really are!

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Feverfew

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 7:00 pm

amother Khaki wrote:

People also think my husband is a millionaire and hes an employee! Even my son in law says we're super comfortable. He has no idea the things I don't buy. My kids clothes come from simple stores only. We don't vacation or go to the country. My husband says let them think I'm rich rather than pity me that I don't have.

Honestly being a millionaire doesn't equal rich these days. Comfortable yes but not rich

Amalia

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 7:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

We're working on it. We have a solid plan. Iyh. But as of now we are stuck between living comfortably (being able to buy what we need and want/paying our bills) and not having enough to buy a house.

I think you and your husband need to ask a shayla from a very competent Rav about your obligation in tzedaka. I expect you’ll be surprised and relieved at what you’ll hear.

amother

NeonPink

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 7:06 pm

I'm curious where your dh is on this. In particular, I'd check with him before correcting people. Firstly, many men often prioritize being known to be able to provide for their families, and would rather people think they have more unless it penalizes the family. Second, I got a whole lesson from dh about how it's better for the business for people to keep thinking what they're thinking. We don't lie or do anything to deceive, but if I corrected people it could give the community a different view of the business. And with the type it is, that would matter in terms of deals, interactions, etc.

amother

Lightgreen

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 7:24 pm

People can think whatever they want!
One time someone asked us for a million dollars and we just laughed

amother

Clematis

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

The place I live houses are more expensive than making a nice wedding.

How many kids do you have? If you can afford a nice wedding and support for more than 1 kid right now, you can afford a down payment for a house.

amother

Steel

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 8:37 pm

Something sounds very very off. You sound like you are just "making" it. High priority should be buying a home. It doesn't make an ounce of sense to say you can afford nice and lavish weddings and to support but not a down payment. Regarding giving ppl tzedakah, there are clear halachos on that and honestly you don't sound like you make all that much. You need to set your family up and have your own place to live then see what you can give past maaser.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 9:32 pm

People make all kinds of assumptions.
DH has a good business bh and we’re not lacking anything important but we are not raking it in by any means, especially now when $ doesn’t go as far.
I get comments all the time and I just laugh to myself

amother

Garnet

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 9:34 pm

amother Clematis wrote:

How many kids do you have? If you can afford a nice wedding and support for more than 1 kid right now, you can afford a down payment for a house.

Not when it's 900 to 1,000 a square foot.

amother

Maize

Mon, Mar 27 2023, 11:50 pm

amother Strawberry wrote:

We have twice been insulted by people collecting. I forget a lot of things but I have never forgotten this. People who collect should do so with respect, especially if its on behalf of others - they have no right to refuse even a cent!

we have over and over been insulted by people who collect money, even when my husband too off from his weekly grocery money or similar...
It is painful.
It is difficult for my husband to go daven in the main shul of our kehilla. The stress/pressure/the assumption that you can give whatever they ask for...
It is also very difficult for my husband to visit his mom in Israel. The assumption that he has no huge personal expenses is maddening.
OP, its a nisoyan of its own.

amother

Iris

Tue, Mar 28 2023, 12:30 am

amother Broom wrote:

We prioritize giving to family and to individuals in need.

From the other side...I just want to point out how special this is. A couple of my siblings can comfortably give tzedaka and get kavod if they want to, but they choose to help us out when we need it. Just a few days ago I was so touched that my sibling deposited money into my account "just because" it's Pesach and he thought we might need it.

You should always be on the giving end. Chances are your family appreciates it more than you'll ever know.

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