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amother
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 Tue, Mar 28 2023, 7:55 am
I'm not in the parsha yet (mg older ones are boys and my oldest dd is 4) but what I would do is set a budget. Prepare an envelope with cash so they can actually see how much they have to spend for the season. Have a calm, pleasant conversation a few weeks before shopping season, and point out a few things:
1. This is all they will get for the season, and once it is spent they will not get more.
2. As they get older, their clothing will last a few seasons and they do not need a brand new complete wardrobe every season. Step one should be for them to look into their closets and see what still fits, and work around that.
3. Jewish stores are very, very overpriced and there are many nice options online. You can show them the posts on between carpools where they have links to shein, hm etc with nice up to date clothing.
4. The prices now are high, but if they have a bit of patience, everything will go on sale. The "jewish" shopping season is very short, and once the season is over the stores drastically reduce the prices. Usually by end of june/beginning of july everything is on sale, and they will still have a whole summer to wear the clothing.
Its funny because my husband often urges me to go shopping for myself for yom tov, and I always insist that it simply doesn't make sense to go shopping now. I have clothing to wear for yom tov. I'll go shopping in early July and the SAME dresses and skirts and tops that everyone is paying top dollar for now will prob be about 40% off if not more.
In general, having theses conversations and systems is so important, especially as the girls head into adulthood. My parents raised me with a very simple and frugal mindset, and it is so helpful for me now as an adult. I never felt any need to do what "everyone" does like buy a doona or whatever. Training your dd's about the value of money, about budgeting and delayed gratification etc will serve them so well in the future!
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Chayalle
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 8:25 am
| amother Jade wrote: | Yes, and suits are coming back in style. In another year or two, nobody will be able to get away with cheap Shein suits (cheap suits look awful), not to mention expensive alterations. In recent years it's actually been easier to spend less per outfit and that's probably why people have started buying more outfits/dresses. With inflation a suit nowadays will probably run $300-400 and maybe that will force people to cut back on amounts of new outfits per kid per season or yt
Back in the day, most girls did NOT get 3 new suits for Shabbos each season. |
NOOOOO!!!!!! I hate straight-jackets suits. I was hoping the more comfortable styles would last foreeever........
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little neshamala
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 8:26 am
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amother
OP
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:24 am
| amother Bronze wrote: | I'm not in the parsha yet (mg older ones are boys and my oldest dd is 4) but what I would do is set a budget. Prepare an envelope with cash so they can actually see how much they have to spend for the season. Have a calm, pleasant conversation a few weeks before shopping season, and point out a few things:
1. This is all they will get for the season, and once it is spent they will not get more.
2. As they get older, their clothing will last a few seasons and they do not need a brand new complete wardrobe every season. Step one should be for them to look into their closets and see what still fits, and work around that.
3. Jewish stores are very, very overpriced and there are many nice options online. You can show them the posts on between carpools where they have links to shein, hm etc with nice up to date clothing.
4. The prices now are high, but if they have a bit of patience, everything will go on sale. The "jewish" shopping season is very short, and once the season is over the stores drastically reduce the prices. Usually by end of june/beginning of july everything is on sale, and they will still have a whole summer to wear the clothing.
Its funny because my husband often urges me to go shopping for myself for yom tov, and I always insist that it simply doesn't make sense to go shopping now. I have clothing to wear for yom tov. I'll go shopping in early July and the SAME dresses and skirts and tops that everyone is paying top dollar for now will prob be about 40% off if not more.
In general, having theses conversations and systems is so important, especially as the girls head into adulthood. My parents raised me with a very simple and frugal mindset, and it is so helpful for me now as an adult. I never felt any need to do what "everyone" does like buy a doona or whatever. Training your dd's about the value of money, about budgeting and delayed gratification etc will serve them so well in the future! |
Just curious. Wwyd if you put cash in an envelope, etc, and your daughter goes shopping with friends and realizes it’s barely enough to cover a fraction of what her peers are buying?
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DustyDiamonds
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:30 am
Agree with those who are writing that not much has changed.
I got married at 20 in the late 90’s. I remember my cousins getting Zoe dresses, but it wasn’t a thought for me.
I also recall that my mother, who is very frugal, took me clothing shopping in someone’s basement, because she figured it would be cheaper than the shops that need to pay rent. (I later saw the same outfits being sold for the same prices in both locations.) There was a $125 suit that I loved, and my mother said no, and got me a simpler $110 suit. Was that $15 a big deal in her budget? I doubt it, it was more the principle of the matter, and I was so resentful.
When I got married, I could get 4 boxes of pasta on sale for $1, flour on sale for 75 cents, small tomato sauce cans were 5 for a dollar etc.
Clothing prices really have not gone up nearly as much as food and gas and everything else!
I’m creative with clothing, I’ve bought two of the same dress to use extra fabric from one to make the other one tznius. But all the trips to the tailor, and all the extra try-ons are really time consuming, and I wonder if the monetary savings are worthwhile. Generally, when I spend more, the clothing needs less/ more minor alterations
Regarding shoes: I’ve found some cheap, non-leather ones to be very comfortable and last long, while other expensive shoes got ruined quickly. If I’d believe that paying more for shoes makes them better, I’d do so, but I’ve only found that to be true sporadically! (Which is pretty much blasphemy in frum circles where mothers believe that Jewish shoes help their kids walk better!!!)
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amother
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:40 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Just curious. Wwyd if you put cash in an envelope, etc, and your daughter goes shopping with friends and realizes it’s barely enough to cover a fraction of what her peers are buying? |
I guess the best option would be for her not to shop with friends who live in a different financial reality.
But, if she really wants to go with friends, then you need to have these conversations with her beforehand. It's not easy, but it's necessary. There's nothing wrong with raising our children to understand that they can't always have everything their friends have, and that we cannot spend above our means.
I was listening to a podcast about seminary costs on Kosher Money. The princiapl of a school in Baltimore spoke about this-how you need to have financial conversations with your children, and the earlier you start the better. Teenagers need to understand the importance of living within your budget, even if that means they cannot buy as much clothing as their friends, or go to seminary in israel like their friends.
I don't think the solution is just to allow her to spend as much as her friends spend. You are doing her a tremendous service by making her aware of finances now. You don't want her to be that newlywed who racks up credit card debt because she feels she needs to spend as much as her friends.
Again, no one is saying this is easy. But teaching financial literacy is an important part of raising children. They may be angry at you in the present, but hopefully in the future they will realize how beneficial it was. My parents raised me extremely frugally, I basically had nothing extra. Forget about new wardrobes every season. I got maybe one outfit every few years. It wasn't an easy way to grow up, but as an adult things are so much easier for me now.
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little neshamala
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:52 am
| amother Bronze wrote: | I guess the best option would be for her not to shop with friends who live in a different financial reality.
But, if she really wants to go with friends, then you need to have these conversations with her beforehand. It's not easy, but it's necessary. There's nothing wrong with raising our children to understand that they can't always have everything their friends have, and that we cannot spend above our means.
I was listening to a podcast about seminary costs on Kosher Money. The princiapl of a school in Baltimore spoke about this-how you need to have financial conversations with your children, and the earlier you start the better. Teenagers need to understand the importance of living within your budget, even if that means they cannot buy as much clothing as their friends, or go to seminary in israel like their friends.
I don't think the solution is just to allow her to spend as much as her friends spend. You are doing her a tremendous service by making her aware of finances now. You don't want her to be that newlywed who racks up credit card debt because she feels she needs to spend as much as her friends.
Again, no one is saying this is easy. But teaching financial literacy is an important part of raising children. They may be angry at you in the present, but hopefully in the future they will realize how beneficial it was. My parents raised me extremely frugally, I basically had nothing extra. Forget about new wardrobes every season. I got maybe one outfit every few years. It wasn't an easy way to grow up, but as an adult things are so much easier for me now. |
Agree with this. Well said
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keym
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 9:54 am
Going shopping with friends is complicated but there are "socially acceptable" work-arounds.
1) have her shop and try things on and get her friends approval, but not buy anything. And she comes home with a list of 8 options that her friends "approved of". Then you take her and decide what you can afford.
2) buy her a skirt on a very cheap sale and have her bring the skirt to find a cute top. If you can find the skirt for $15/20, it may be more palatable for her to spend up to $100 on a sweater and she may feel less stressed.
Other ideas like this. The idea is flexibility so she doesn't feel like you're against her.
Pre-shopping by browsing prices in specific stores online is always recommended. So you and she know if she can afford it.
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GLUE
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 1:20 pm
I just saw this article
https://www.businessinsider.co.....?op=1
I do agree with Keym about how girls clothes were always expensive, how at a serration age you need to shop in Jewish stores.
How the prices of boys clothes are nuts. Boys once you buy them a new suit or hat they have a growth spurt. I am convinced that the real reason 3\4 pants are now in style is because the boys just out grew them and the parents can not or are not interested in buying new ones every month.
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amother
Hyssop
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:12 pm
I only read the OP, and skimmed the rest of the posts, so forgive me if I'm repetitive.
A few things:
1) Today, it's expected that you'll wear clothing that are "in" and "trendy" (if you're a teen or twentysomething), so the idea that you "build" a wardrobe, as I did in my late teens/early twenties doesn't work anymore. This is a terrible shame. At that time, I would buy carefully chosen "pieces" that made up a capsule wardrobe that I wore for years and years, and I would buy one or two small things each season to keep things updated or freshen up an outfit.
2)The idea of having a signature "look" is also out. I look good in tailored clothing in neutral colors, so that's what I buy, keep, and wear. Nowadays everyone has to wear whatever the influencers are showing, regardless how hideous it looks on you.
3) Shopping and grooming have become THE activity of choice for girls and young women. Why? Nearly everything else has been banned/made off limits.
It makes me sick. And then the same girls who have to have three or four $200 outfits per season, and shoes to match, sigh about how they want to marry a long term learner and they're willing to sacrifice for Torah. Let's see how long that lasts when they realize the YT shopping budget is, um, zero?
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amother
Heather
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Tue, Mar 28 2023, 2:46 pm
| amother Hyssop wrote: | I only read the OP, and skimmed the rest of the posts, so forgive me if I'm repetitive.
A few things:
1) Today, it's expected that you'll wear clothing that are "in" and "trendy" (if you're a teen or twentysomething), so the idea that you "build" a wardrobe, as I did in my late teens/early twenties doesn't work anymore. This is a terrible shame. At that time, I would buy carefully chosen "pieces" that made up a capsule wardrobe that I wore for years and years, and I would buy one or two small things each season to keep things updated or freshen up an outfit.
2)The idea of having a signature "look" is also out. I look good in tailored clothing in neutral colors, so that's what I buy, keep, and wear. Nowadays everyone has to wear whatever the influencers are showing, regardless how hideous it looks on you.
3) Shopping and grooming have become THE activity of choice for girls and young women. Why? Nearly everything else has been banned/made off limits.
It makes me sick. And then the same girls who have to have three or four $200 outfits per season, and shoes to match, sigh about how they want to marry a long term learner and they're willing to sacrifice for Torah. Let's see how long that lasts when they realize the YT shopping budget is, um, zero? |
That's where parental support comes in 
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