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5 year old son got so difficult
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:10 pm
I’m trying to figure out if it’s the age or something else going he. He was always such a sweet child. Still is but lately he’s been bothering his younger sibling all day. Taking away toys he’s playing with, snatching food away from him or even me that he wants, hitting or pushing him when upset. He also started raging screaming when he doesn’t get what he wants (usually only happens when he’s very tired). We also noticed that he won’t ever apologize when he does something wrong (he used to always say I’m sorry, maybe even too much) and if we ever have to stop him from doing something inappropriate or dangerous he will start destroying things and stamping his feet and getting all bent out of shape. I’m at a loss really.

Any insight or advice?
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amother
Honeysuckle


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:13 pm
Check for strep. This is how pandas started for us.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:14 pm
amother Honeysuckle wrote:
Check for strep. This is how pandas started for us.


I did and it was negative.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:15 pm
Double post
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amother
Honeysuckle


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:19 pm
amother OP wrote:
I did and it was negative.
Did you try ibuprophen and see if it helped tame the behaviors? It can still be pandas even if swab is negative.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:24 pm
Somewhere between 4.5-5.5, kids go through a mini teenagehood. It's developmentally normal, and just requires the same firm parenting boundaries and love you always used. It will pass.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:26 pm
.

Last edited by Rappel on Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:27 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:26 pm
amother Honeysuckle wrote:
Did you try ibuprophen and see if it helped tame the behaviors? It can still be pandas even if swab is negative.


I did not. For how many days should I give him ibuprofen that would show me if it’s pandas or truly behavioral?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:29 pm
Rappel wrote:
Somewhere between 4.5-5.5, kids go through a mini teenagehood. It's developmentally normal, and just requires the same firm parenting boundaries and love you always used. It will pass.


Any tips for dealing with it? I’m losing my mind. He bothers his siblings and just intensifies his destructive efforts when I try to stop him. I keep telling him I love him no matter what , even if I’m upset about a behavior I still love him because I think he just can’t handle me being upset with him but I’m just not reaching him.
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amother
Honeysuckle


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:31 pm
amother OP wrote:
I did not. For how many days should I give him ibuprofen that would show me if it’s pandas or truly behavioral?
Every 6 hours for 3 days
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:39 pm
amother OP wrote:
Any tips for dealing with it? I’m losing my mind. He bothers his siblings and just intensifies his destructive efforts when I try to stop him. I keep telling him I love him no matter what , even if I’m upset about a behavior I still love him because I think he just can’t handle me being upset with him but I’m just not reaching him.


In my household, a child whom is not acting nicely in the group gets sent to his bed for a cooling off period, until he can play nicely with others again.

Sometimes I tell him how long he'll be in time-out; sometimes I tell him he can come back when he can behave himself. If something really bad happened on the way, then he's not allowed off the bed until I come back and we have a guided discussion on appropriate behaviours and responses.


I don't let him tantrum in the main space- that's just feeding the behaviour by giving him everyone's attention.

I tell the child he needs focus time now, and needs to go to his bed. If he refuses, I say I will count, and then help him get to his bed. I count. I take him to his bed, no discussion or sympathy on the way. I go get a piece of chocolate to reward myself for maintaining my cool. Wash, rinse, repeat.

After many times of being firm and consistent, the child learns that I mean business, and goes when I tell him to. He's allowed to take a toy or book with himself to bed while taking his focus time. It helps his brain fall back into place, and doesn't allow harm to other children/himself while he's dealing with complex emotions.
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:42 pm
amother OP wrote:
Any tips for dealing with it? I’m losing my mind. He bothers his siblings and just intensifies his destructive efforts when I try to stop him. I keep telling him I love him no matter what , even if I’m upset about a behavior I still love him because I think he just can’t handle me being upset with him but I’m just not reaching him.


"I love you" is not for tantrum-time. He doesn't need positive reinforcement for stressed behaviour.

He needs help learning how to manage the stress appropriately - it's an opportunity to build life skills.
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:43 pm
Rappel wrote:
In my household, a child whom is not acting nicely in the group gets sent to his bed for a cooling off period, until he can play nicely with others again.

Sometimes I tell him how long he'll be in time-out; sometimes I tell him he can come back when he can behave himself. If something really bad happened on the way, then he's not allowed off the bed until I come back and we have a guided discussion on appropriate behaviours and responses.


I don't let him tantrum in the main space- that's just feeding the behaviour by giving him everyone's attention.

I tell the child he needs focus time now, and needs to go to his bed. If he refuses, I say I will count, and then help him get to his bed. I count. I take him to his bed, no discussion or sympathy on the way. I go get a piece of chocolate to reward myself for maintaining my cool. Wash, rinse, repeat.

After many times of being firm and consistent, the child learns that I mean business, and goes when I tell him to. He's allowed to take a toy or book with himself to bed while taking his focus time. It helps his brain fall back into place, and doesn't allow harm to other children/himself while he's dealing with complex emotions.


What ages would you say this approach is appropriate for?
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:47 pm
This is my 7 year old. And it’s so sad because he used to be the biggest protector and fan of his little sister. I get so annoyed but I feel like he’s getting all of these “bad” influences from the other boys at school and the neighborhood. And now his little sister has started copying his ways and treating HER little sibling like that sometimes. I hate it so much. I’m trying to stop the whole cycle but don’t know what to do or if there is anything to do about it!
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Rappel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:56 pm
amother Slateblue wrote:
What ages would you say this approach is appropriate for?


3-6, depending on the child. I haven't crossed farther than that bridge yet, so I can't judge what children older than that might need.

The key here is to teach the child:
*You're feeling overwhelmed, this isn't what you want to be doing
*You need to make a space/time where you can calm down without hurting anybody
*You did it? Great! What happened, what needs to be fixed, and how do you fix it as you go forward?

Basically, if they're already in full blow out: teaching them how to master their emotions without hurting anyone, and how to do teshuvah for whatever they did wrong, so they can rejoin the family society happily and healthily.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:56 pm
im dealing w the same thing. my 5 yr old went from being a sweet pleasant child to a tough, agitated, sensitive teen. he actually did have strep so I was concerned about pandas but online searching shows pandas as tics and anxiety which my son does not display bh.
can it still be pandas?
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amother
Honeysuckle


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 9:59 pm
amother Silver wrote:
im dealing w the same thing. my 5 yr old went from being a sweet pleasant child to a tough, agitated, sensitive teen. he actually did have strep so I was concerned about pandas but online searching shows pandas as tics and anxiety which my son does not display bh.
can it still be pandas?
In short, yes.
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amother
Silver


 

Post Sat, Apr 01 2023, 10:25 pm
is there another way to test other than giving ibuprofen a bunch of times and seeing if he gets better? I'm not comfortable giving so much meds if not necessary.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 2:02 am
Could he just be really bored? I would try more playdates & some new big boy toys. My kids are a disaster when too bored. I don't entertain too much but I make sure to have age appropriate activities they can take up.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Sun, Apr 02 2023, 2:09 am
amother Silver wrote:
is there another way to test other than giving ibuprofen a bunch of times and seeing if he gets better? I'm not comfortable giving so much meds if not necessary.


I heard first hand from a holistic pediatrician not to worry about giving too much motrin, it's perfectly safe (she was talking about months)

Personally I don't think pandas should be your primary focus unless it was a really sudden drastic change. It's quite normal for kids to go through changes as they grow up.
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