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amother
Leaf
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 Sun, Apr 02 2023, 7:43 am
| Rappel wrote: | In my household, a child whom is not acting nicely in the group gets sent to his bed for a cooling off period, until he can play nicely with others again.
Sometimes I tell him how long he'll be in time-out; sometimes I tell him he can come back when he can behave himself. If something really bad happened on the way, then he's not allowed off the bed until I come back and we have a guided discussion on appropriate behaviours and responses.
I don't let him tantrum in the main space- that's just feeding the behaviour by giving him everyone's attention.
I tell the child he needs focus time now, and needs to go to his bed. If he refuses, I say I will count, and then help him get to his bed. I count. I take him to his bed, no discussion or sympathy on the way. I go get a piece of chocolate to reward myself for maintaining my cool. Wash, rinse, repeat.
After many times of being firm and consistent, the child learns that I mean business, and goes when I tell him to. He's allowed to take a toy or book with himself to bed while taking his focus time. It helps his brain fall back into place, and doesn't allow harm to other children/himself while he's dealing with complex emotions. |
This
Watch Super Nanny
You don’t need to call it time out but learn to do a proper time out with no attention
PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE behaviors that you want
Post written rules - the family rules are for EVERYONE
Charts and prizes. Prizes should be quality time with mom, dad grandparents, cousins, friends, etc.
But, $1 store prizes are ok too
DAVEN DAVEN DAVEN and when you think it’s enough DAVEN some more
It’s hard to raise kids in today’s generation At one shiur I heard this is our generation’s Gog Umagog.
Nip it in the bud now
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BrisketBoss
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Sun, Apr 02 2023, 9:44 am
The Explosive Child could be a helpful book. So could Unconditional
Parenting.
No child 'needs consequences.' Controlling parenting is not the opposite of or an antidote to permissive parenting. Relying on reward and punishment in a way actually demonstrates a lack of expectations for the child, as well as a lack of respect.
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#BestBubby
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Sun, Apr 02 2023, 10:23 am
Make clear written rules and post it on wall, even if DS cannot read.
Like: no hitting, no name calling (stupid)
Analyze when it happens.
Does DS come home in a bad mood?
Separate him From siblings and give him his snack and drink in the dining room while other kids eat in the kitchen.
Try to give him a few minutes of attention before his misbehavior starts.
But if he breaks the rules, he goes to his room for
Timeout.
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#BestBubby
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Sun, Apr 02 2023, 10:36 am
| amother OP wrote: | I feel like I’m punishing him for not knowing how to deal with feeling bad. Like when we discipline him and he goes crazy, maybe he’s feeling less than I’d like we don’t love him and that’s why he’s pouting. Dh sent him to the corner yesterday when he wasn’t listening and he was so distraught.
I find it so hard to discipline my child these days with this whole gentle parenting technique constantly in my head. How to know what my child needs- gentle or firm, old fashioned consequences? |
The generation raised with gentler parenting has
More mental illness
Higher divorce rate
More narcissism, entitlement
More alcoholism, drug abuse, eating disorders,
Self harm.
Why would you follow a failed parenting theory.
Your child's tantrums to being disciplined is to control you into backing down.
Your child sees you are not confident in your discipline so he acts out to pressure you.
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#BestBubby
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Sun, Apr 02 2023, 11:01 am
If you back down on discipline because DS tantrums
You will have taught DS that he can use tantrums to
Get you to back down.
He may get much worse.
There are teens who curse their parents, throw things, punch holes in walls because their parents taught them this is how they will get their way.
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mushkamothers
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Sun, Apr 02 2023, 11:52 am
| amother OP wrote: | I feel like I’m punishing him for not knowing how to deal with feeling bad. Like when we discipline him and he goes crazy, maybe he’s feeling less than I’d like we don’t love him and that’s why he’s pouting. Dh sent him to the corner yesterday when he wasn’t listening and he was so distraught.
I find it so hard to discipline my child these days with this whole gentle parenting technique constantly in my head. How to know what my child needs- gentle or firm, old fashioned consequences? |
Discipline means teaching. Sending to a corner because he isn't listening isn't effective discipline because it doesn't teach anything. And it also doesn't help for you to second guess every move you make.
It sounds like you yourself don't really know what you're doing and maybe that's why you're confused. So maybe you need a parenting course or guidance instead of piecing things together. Gentle doesn't mean permissive or passive.
That said, if his behavior is a sudden change (even if it's not overnight but it's not like him) and it feels like he gets out of control and it doesn't really feel typical, then it likely could be NOT your parenting and something medical affecting his behavior.
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aunty c
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Sun, Apr 02 2023, 11:24 pm
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I would try to figure out if anything is going wrong in school . My 5 yr old at one point started acting out , I made a point to sit with her for a while when she arrives home from school to discuss her day . What I After talking a lot about everything an anything I figured that a kid in her class was bullying her. I showed her how sad I am about it and that she should always feel comfortable to come tell me if something is bothering her.I Called teacher, changed her seats. Bh she changed completely .
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