Disappointed how my baby’s bris turned out - caterer…

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 7:11 am

He didn’t send enough paper goods - an honest mistake but it was so hectic and I didn’t realize until the end of the bris what happened. People didn’t have plates. He put all the cutlery on the buffet table. Anyone that wanted had to get up and go to that table to get what to eat with. It looked ridiculous that the table wasn’t set! How do I get over this?

amother

Valerian

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 7:15 am

You don’t use him again.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 7:16 am

Email the caterer to tell him what happened and then don't bother. No one will remember this in a week.

Mazal tov on the baby, enjoy him.

amother

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 7:17 am

amother Valerian wrote:

You don’t use him again.

That’s helpful….he came recommended and I don’t make a bris everyday

amother

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 7:17 am

amother Chartreuse wrote:

Email the caterer to tell him what happened and then don't bother. No one will remember this in a week.

Mazal tov on the baby, enjoy him.

I spoke to him and told him how disappointed I was

amother

Red

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 7:35 am

Simchos come with some technical disappointments for a reason. You want the Simcha and Nachas to be whole and any mishaps to happen only to the material details.

Take it as a Kaparah and may you only see Nachas and more Simcha.

amother

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 7:52 am

amother Red wrote:

Amen, thank you so much! I like this perspective!

amother

Brickred

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 7:57 am

When we made a wedding recently, my Rav said that if the wedding goes 90% well, that’s perfect! Some things will get messed up inevitably.

DH forgot to bring the liquor! But it was a stunning wedding BH and the main thing is the couple is happy!

amother

Oak

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 8:22 am

Was this a day after pesach bris? There were a few that I heard about and getting a caterer was very hectic. If it was the day before or day after pesach, don’t even think about it.
I made my first bris after waiting many years for a baby. I’m humiliated when I think about it even though it was many years ago. It was in a tiny hall since all the other places were booked. People had no where to sit so they walked out. I felt bad about it for years. I had a few girls after. When I finally had another boy I made sure we booked a nice size hall. Well, the joke was on me. Hardly anyone showed up and it was half empty.
I try not to get upset. The main thing is I had my babies. The inconveniences of the catering event should be a kapara. There will always be something. At least the babies are healthy.
Lots of nachas to you!

amother

Yellow

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 8:28 am

At one of my kids brises we had something similar. We paid for the most upgraded package with a lot of hot food, etc, and the hot food, and even the coffee station didn’t come out until the very end. It was too late for all the people who came early and wanted to pack up food to take to work for breakfast. We told the caterer very nicely that we were disappointed, and we only had to pay for the basic package

amother

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 8:31 am

amother Oak wrote:

Yes it was.
I had that too - this baby was my first boy after many, many years
But you’re right the main thing is he’s healthy
And Amen thank you!

amother

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 8:40 am

amother Yellow wrote:

That’s so upsetting!

mommyhood

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 8:47 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes it was.
I had that too - this baby was my first boy after many, many years
But you’re right the main thing is he’s healthy
And Amen thank you!

100% the baby being healthy is the most important but that doesn’t mean it isn’t perfectly normal to be upset about the way the bris worked out. I don’t see it as a contradiction. Obviously if your negative feelings are taking over your life that’s a problem but I think it’s healthy to allow yourself some space for your disappointment before you move on.

amother

Oak

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 9:47 am

My husband went to a bris the morning after pesach. He brought back some bagels. He told me the bris was set up for 100 people but only 20 showed up. They probably thought people would come for the fresh chometz. Instead people were too exhausted and stayed home to sleep. Very disappointing for them.
I’m telling you, there will always be something.

amother

Stonewash

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 9:59 am

When I saw the title I thought there’s something wrong with the Milah.

I recently had a baby boy bh. And from the minute the baby was born I felt like dh was very into the “simcha” and by the simcha I mean, shalom zachor, Vacht Nacht and bris. It didn’t seem like the simcha was the actual baby.

The important thing here is the baby. And if baby is ok all is good.

amother

Green

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 10:01 am

In my experience, the only people who are really bothered by these little fiascos are the baalei simcha themselves. The guests may or may not notice but in most cases don't really give it too much thought.

ETA I just reread the OP and realized that it wasn't just the cutlery on the table but that there were no plates. That is a Biggie. Sorry for your disappointment and maxal Tov for your simcha!

amother

Seagreen

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 10:28 am

As the wife of a caterer I would start by asking how much he sent.
It could very well be that ge sent an appropriate amount for the amount of people you said you have and more people showed up or people took 3rd and 4th plates.
Oftentimes people underestimate the amount of people they will have to save money and then when there's not enough seats, plates, food... it is blamed on the caterer. They supply the amount for the number they are given.
I am not saying that's the case here but before making any accusations, it's a good way to start the conversation. "At the end we ran out of plates. Can I ask how many were sent?"

amother

Aqua

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 10:34 am

From the title I thought you were upset about how the actual ‘bris’ turned out.

Turns out it’s only plates. Phew!

amother

Oak

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 11:00 am

Could be there were enough plates but the waiters did not unload the boxes properly..
Hungry people probably ate over a napkin or paper towel. The good thing is that no one will remember the plates issue (aside for you).

amother

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 1:21 pm

amother Seagreen wrote:

He agreed he sent too little
There weren’t enough to set the tables!

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