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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Being rewarded vs. doing the right thing "lishmah"



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gryp




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 29 2008, 7:28 pm
How do I teach this tricky balance to my kids?
They can be such tzaddikim KAH and I would love to reward them endlessly for it, but at the same time I want them to do what's right only because it's the right thing to do.
How do I do both? Any suggestions?

I did draw up Mitzvah charts for them only for mitzvos that are "extra," meaning way above their age level, and promised them prizes when it's filled up, but I'm finding it hard to keep on top of. Confused
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 29 2008, 7:31 pm
You don't always have to reward them w/ things, just praise them and tell them, what a big mitzvah you did!
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HAPPYMOMMY




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 29 2008, 7:35 pm
I always praise my toddler when he does a mitzvah and we usually sing a little song too. Instead of rewardng with prizes I tell him that he made mommy so proud - You should see him beam!!
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gryp




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 29 2008, 7:37 pm
I realize that the second part of my post makes it sound like it's all about the prizes I promised, but that's not what I really meant. I think praise also falls into the category of reward.

The question I should have posted is: How do I teach my children to do things only because it's the right thing to do?
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yo'ma




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 29 2008, 7:48 pm
*****

Last edited by yo'ma on Sat, Jul 05 2008, 6:55 pm; edited 1 time in total
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abismommy




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 29 2008, 8:38 pm
here's a twist: the "right thing" to do is...something that Hashem told us to do. So when they do the right thing - like sharing a toy even if they didn't want to, giving the last treat in their bag to a friend/sibling, etc - it's the right thing because Hashem wants us to act that way. So not only are you and Tatty proud, Hashem is also proud.
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AlwaysGrateful




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 30 2008, 12:31 pm
Depending on the age of the kid, I wouldn't struggle to teach them this - and from books I've read and shiurim I've heard, I don't think I'm the only one Wink A young kid is not at the point where they understand such an advanced concept. Mitoch shelo lishma, ba lishma. And Abismommy is right - You teach them that Hashem is proud of them. Even though they won't really understand that yet, it will plant the seed that will IY"H enable them to do things more lishma in the future...
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