At what age do you start enforcing things (halacha)?

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, May 07 2023, 11:24 pm

So interesting. I never heard of kids waiting six hours before bar/bas mitzvah.

Until around age 6 we only do one hour.
Then they change to 3 hours.
6 hours only from bar or bas mitzvah.

amother

Leaf

Sun, May 07 2023, 11:33 pm

I’m so surprised people wait for their kids to be so old to start teaching them these things. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling a 2/3 yr old muktzah it lights up we don’t press buttons. They won’t understand but by the time they’re 4/5 yrs old they’ll kno certain toys they don’t play with or they don’t open lights. Same for milchig and fleishigs. Can definitely say u just ate a hotdog we gotta wait for cocoa you don’t need to wait 6 hrs but definitely start implanting the concept in their head.

amother

Bisque

Sun, May 07 2023, 11:35 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

What if your kids play with kids who play with muktza toys?

Perhaps you need new friends, new neighbors, new school, etc

But it's also okay to say to dc privately, (and some ladies here will hate this but--) "In our family, we hold that you are too old to be doing this on shabbos. You are so big and mature and know that it's not the right thing to do. When the kids ride bikes, I'll turn the jump rope for you or play a board game."

giftedmom

Mon, May 08 2023, 12:25 am

amother Stone wrote:

Your kids just run free? Skip school as they please? Stay up as late as they want? Risk head injuries? Doesn’t this all fall under neglect?

Actually not. Because believe it or not kids can take responsibility.

amother

Dahlia

Mon, May 08 2023, 2:37 am

The parents here need chinuch. Recorded music during sefira is a very low priority. Yelling at a fellow Jew is worse.

As the mother of lovely frum adult kids, I can say, start educating early, with an awareness of each child's natural abilities and understanding. Some kids will consistently make brachos at 3, and some will still need reminders at 8. It's all good.

esuss

Mon, May 08 2023, 7:41 am

amother OP wrote:

To add to the question- what if your child asked you to put on music for him during sefira. Would you say something about it being sefira or just put it on? He knows about sefira and not listening to music.

I would turn on the music during sefira for a 4 year old child. I wouldn’t even wait for him to ask for music.

honey36

Mon, May 08 2023, 7:43 am

giftedmom wrote:

Actually not. Because believe it or not kids can take responsibility.

I assume she was asking what do you do when your kids don't cooperate or take responsibility. This does happen sometimes with kids even if you teach and educate them.

amother

Stone

Mon, May 08 2023, 8:07 am

giftedmom wrote:

Actually not. Because believe it or not kids can take responsibility.

And they still are human. They can choose the wrong thing. So if you see your child repeatedly not use a helmet you just say it’s his problem and allow him to ride like that anyway? If your kid skips a month of school you just say it’s his problem and ignore it? Because I can’t comprehend how that is not neglect. Or maybe you just have perfect children who were born doing the right thing?

giftedmom

Mon, May 08 2023, 9:12 am

honey36 wrote:

I assume she was asking what do you do when your kids don't cooperate or take responsibility. This does happen sometimes with kids even if you teach and educate them.

Yes and even if you enforce. Kids are not perfect angels ever, unless maybe if they’re terrified out of their minds.

giftedmom

Mon, May 08 2023, 9:15 am

amother Stone wrote:

Skips a month of school? You honestly believe that if you weren’t forcing your kids to go to school every day they would miss a month of school? My kids know that a helmet protects them. I haven’t yet had a scenario where they repeatedly refused to wear one. They maybe forget sometimes so I remind them.

honey36

Mon, May 08 2023, 9:44 am

giftedmom wrote:

Yes and even if you enforce. Kids are not perfect angels ever, unless maybe if they’re terrified out of their minds.

I think enforcing means different things to different people.

For example:
To go back to our original topic- no I wouldn't enforce most halachic obligations on my kids. Teach and educate - yes. If they say no, that's fine.

When I say I would "enforce" them brushing their teeth, that means first I educate. if they say no, I say I'm sorry sweetie, you need to do it anyways. That's all. This is what I call enforcing

giftedmom

Mon, May 08 2023, 9:55 am

honey36 wrote:

Makes sense. I think for most people it means actually forcing. As in threatening and punishing etc.
I can’t remember the last time I actually punished a kid. It’s just not part of my life anymore. It’s not a thing. I do put boundaries in place. Like I don’t let them have everything all the time. I put stuff out of reach etc. but I don’t think that’s the same thing as forcing behavior.

amother

Lemon

Mon, May 08 2023, 11:11 am

giftedmom wrote:

I don't think so. Enforcing means reminding, talking about the importance etc. I don't know anyone who punishes if a kid touched something muktza or forgot to day a bracha etc. & I'm pretty old school.

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