Why does H’ give people trauma?

Inner Beauty

Wed, May 10 2023, 5:07 am

Why does H’ give people trauma? I know H’ wants us to grow, but I don’t see anything wrong with growth that is painless. If anything, I think it can be greatly beneficial to people to grow in a way that is not traumatic.
I just have seen how trauma wreaks havoc in people’s lives. I’ve seen so many people who have trauma, and they are not the same after their traumatic experiences. People go off the derech, or even if not to that extent, drop in Yiddishkeit. I just think if only they didn’t go through these traumatic experiences they could be thriving. I’m not even talking about just chilling through life. These people can be really frum, doing the ratzon of H’, they’d be happier if they had a more positive experience of life. People’s lives literally have become a mess because of the trauma they went through. People who would otherwise be keeping mitzvos have lost their connection to yiddishkeit because of their traumatic experiences. I just feel like it would be so much better had they not gone through these things. Why is this good according to H’? Even if H’ wants people to grow, why can’t people grow b’nachas, in a calm, pleasant way? I think people can grow a lot that way. I don’t think growth has to feel bad in order to accomplish something. People can be good people and grow if they are put in gentler conditions. I just don’t understand why H’ has to put people through trauma. Thanks to anyone who has an answer.

Empowered Mommy

Wed, May 10 2023, 6:32 am

ap wrote:

I have the same question!!!
Possibly suffering purifies a person?

We don't have answers to this question on this world.
I myself used to feel very spiritual and constantly listening to shiurim, saying tehillim, reading self help books trying to work on improving myself/middos, been an uplifting social bug...

It all changed several years ago, after going through several large challenges in my life.
I feel numb. Not connected emotionally, I don't feel like davening, can't listen to shiurim or read self help books...
I just survive and do what I need to physically.

Wed, May 10 2023, 6:34 am

Empowered Mommy wrote:

Right, but I think it purifies... even though it seems like a yerida..?

Last edited by ap on Wed, May 10 2023, 8:30 am; edited 2 times in total

imanotmommy

Wed, May 10 2023, 6:45 am

Keep in mind that Hashem doesn't judge everyone the same way. It's about being your best, not doing all mitzvos just right. Only He can know. But if X isn't frum and that's his best, that's not less than someone who did "better" because they struggled less. Maybe it's even better, but only Hashem can measure that.

LovesHashem

Wed, May 10 2023, 6:52 am

imanotmommy wrote:

Yup. I feel like very few people have learned this.

curlyhead

Wed, May 10 2023, 7:40 am

I have seen so much growth from my Trauma.
I lost a child a few years ago
I have become a different person from it. I got a lesson 101 in Emnunah and Bitachon.
I have become more empathetic
I have read up so much an grief.
It has changed my relationship with Hashem for the good,
I am going through another challenge now and now I have the strenth to say that if I could go through childloss I can go through anything.

You need to squeeze grapes to get wine.
A caterpiller needs to go into a cacoon to become a butterfly and be squeezed. Getting squeezed makes us into stronger better more empathetic people.

Read up on Post-traumatic growth. It is something I have experienced.

oneofakind

Wed, May 10 2023, 8:10 am

Sometimes it's a Nisayon with the primary goal of an opportunity for personal growth and sometimes it's a kappara with the goal of purification and atonement ( not necessarily for your own sins, it could be for others as we see holy people suffering).
Good trauma treatment and a commitment to healing practices goes a long way.

DreamerForever

Wed, May 10 2023, 8:28 am

I don't know the reason why; but I will say that pain definitely carries a greater capacity for growth within it. We are way more likely to keep coasting along if all is fine and comfy in our lives. It's human nature.

We come into the world with a very specific role to play- to shine a unique light upon the world in a way only we can. Often our trauma directs us to our ultimate role here. And we are coached by the lessons we learn from our trauma to accomplish what we were sent here to do and be.

Redbird

Wed, May 10 2023, 8:30 am

Post traumatic growth is a beautiful thing.But it doesn't make sense to justify all trauma as an opportunity for growth. Not everybody experiences it. And even if yes, it doesn't always outweigh the damage. And you can't blame them.

I struggle with this question too. Especially when people are neglected and abused from when they're a baby, and are d*mned from the start. Some people are damaged irreversibly and never get to live a full life. It's 💔

PinkFridge

Wed, May 10 2023, 8:45 am

ap wrote:

Right, but I think it purifies... even though it seems like a yerida..?

Rabbi Reisman descibes the paradox of galus: We don't do what we're supposed to with the tools we have (BHMK) in the place we're in (EY) so we can't stay there any longer. Yet somehow, we're supposed to improve ourselves so that we can return but without the gift and power of the tools and place.

It's not easy, and I believe Hashem grades us on a curve BECAUSE we don't have these tools yet are working so hard.

PinkFridge

Wed, May 10 2023, 8:46 am

curlyhead wrote:

The Six Constant Mitzvos, the ArtScroll book based on shiurim by Rabbi Berkowitz, shlita, makes this point. There are several paths to come to love of Hashem - through seeing Him in nature, learning His Torah, and suffering.
It's not automatic.
But it is a possibility.

purplebunny

Wed, May 10 2023, 9:34 am

You could think of it as Hashem giving us trauma, or you could focus on the fact that we all chose to come back down even after seeing what our lives would be like. Why did we do this to ourselves? We must have had such clear clarity and motivation, and we have to trust that when it’s all over we’ll be happy we went through this life.

enjoying kids

Wed, May 10 2023, 1:39 pm

I think the biggest question is about trauma from childhood abuse. We see many people growing from other challenges, really painful ones like illness or loss. But childhood abuse seems only to bring people down and prevent them from being who they could have been. I don't understand it at all.

zaq

Wed, May 10 2023, 2:25 pm

enjoying kids wrote:

But childhood abuse seems only to bring people down and prevent them from being who they could have been.

IDK about that. It all depends on the individual. A few young people I know who were abused as children are studying to be psychologists, psychiatrists or other types of therapists for the specific purpose of preventing abuse or helping children recover from abuse. (Presumably they underwent a good deal of therapy to become who they are today.)

Redbird

Wed, May 10 2023, 4:36 pm

zaq wrote:

This kind of circular, it doesn't make sense to be the overall purpose of childhood trauma.

If there was no abuse, there wouldn't be a need for people who help with healing from it.

I still need more of an explanation as to why HaShem does this ...