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amother
DarkCyan
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 Thu, May 11 2023, 5:42 pm
Imo there’s two sides here. First, yes, if they’re in the wedding the kallah gets final say. You should try to make her happy. They’re her wedding photos, not yours.
Second, if the dresses genuinely are not flattering on your daughters, I think it’s appropriate to have that conversation with the kallah, but NOT just because they’re not your taste. All the more so if they don’t fit them well, even with mock tailoring. She may just need someone to point it out to her, and may in the long run wish she’d picked more flattering dresses.
When I planned my wedding, I picked a blush and sage color scheme. My sister wore the best option of a tznius, blush pink bridesmaid gown she could find. My sisters in law kept buying different dresses in differed shades of pink and it was such a stress and made me so upset that they wouldn’t just do what I asked. But finally I just gave up and told them to wear whatever they wanted so we could be done. They picked dusty pink dresses that had multicolored bee and flower embroidery.
Now I feel guilty every time I look at my wedding photos because my sister is wearing a dress that doesn’t flatter her body type and is not the right color for her skin tone. My SILs looked great, and their dresses worked fine with the scheme. If I could do anything over from my wedding it would be that my sister shouldn’t have felt like she had to stick to the exact blush color scheme.
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amother
OP
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Thu, May 11 2023, 6:01 pm
It's always interesting seeing different people's viewpoints. The kallah is really sweet and at no point has said the girls have to wear the dress. She says she would be fine if I went with something else. But she has chosen this dress for the 3 girls on the other side and those bridesmaids will be wearing this dress. That is settled and I can't change it. It's either they wear this dress or I find them something else.
Realistically I will probably just go along with it, because it will make the kallah happy and my girls will be fine with it. They're just excited at the thought of being bridesmaids and having a pretty dress. They're not at the stage of caring exactly what it looks like.
It's not about control at all, or not being able to have a say, it's about what's appropriate and at the end of the day, what really matters. Will I look back in 5-10 years and look at the pictures of my girls looking different, or will I laugh and say look at those dresses and feel good that I put aside pettiness for the bigger picture?
And to the pp who asked what did I do, well 10 years ago when I got married, I only had one bridesmaid as there aren't many girls in my family. I don't count the teenage girls as they did their own thing. I think we had a suggested color scheme but no one kept to it. You can match when it comes to small children. But when they're older, the teens with different body types and extreme sensitivities towards their changing shape are particular, the adult females, especially those who may be pregnant or nursing, may be more limited in what they can find to wear.
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#BestBubby
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Thu, May 11 2023, 6:11 pm
Mazel Tov, OP.
May you have lots of nachas.
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NechaMom
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Thu, May 11 2023, 6:16 pm
| amother OP wrote: | We have a wedding coming up. DD8 and DD4 are being bridesmaids. However, the kallah seems to have fallen in love with a gown that I personally hate.
Do I set aside my preferences for the kallah? I don't think dds will care. TBH it didn't look that flattering when they tried it on, I don't know if it would look better once it's altered. |
If your kids are excited for it I’d say nothing and use it.
If they also hate it then I’d tell her that it doesn’t fit right and can we choose something else? Give her a few options of stuff you like.
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