Afraid I did not enjoy enough

Chickensoupprof

Fri, May 12 2023, 8:02 am

So DS is now 10 weeks and adorable he is beautiful, smiles and sleeps already whole nights and he is just amazing I'm so in love with him.
But I find him getting WAY too big. That makes me like I did not enough enjoy him when he was just a newborn. I had lots of things to prepare with DH as well like bris and pidyon haben, and because my family isn't frum I got the first two weeks lots of phonecalls with questions about the bris and I did too much bh someone explained everything to them (it didn't help that the baby was jaundiced I literally got every day a phonecall with when it's the bris and what can we do and what not when DS was like 10 days old he had his breas when he was 3.5 weeks old). It was totally not nice to answer these things. This plus some other stuff makes me feel that I could not enjoy my newborn baby at that time. He was already big.

Now I hear that lots of women feel after birth they didn't enjoy the baby because they were too tired and too achy and that most of the time after 8 weeks u feel more themselves and start to enjoy. Is this true? Do more mothers have this? I just wished he would be a fresh newborn for one day he was so lovely.

amother

Navyblue

Fri, May 12 2023, 8:09 am

So so common. Unfortunately the newborn stage is remembered only in oblivion by me. Pain, sleep deprived, postpartum hormones, leaky breasts and v@gina, fussy baby, honestly, I despise that stage.

Then when others have a newborn and the baby’s is so tiny and smells like heaven p, I’m like “why don’t I remember my babies being this stage?”

Queen Of Hearts

Fri, May 12 2023, 8:15 am

I totally feel you. My baby is almost nearing his first birthday. Growing way too fast BH. He was born at a very hectic time of year, kids were off from school 3 weeks later. I don't feel like I indulged enough in that pure, innocent newborn stage.

Highstrung

Fri, May 12 2023, 8:16 am

Oh, this is so normal. When the baby turned 3-4 months old then I went from survive mode to thrive mode . Babies in general grow up very quickly. But the beginning you literally are learning a whole new job. It’s like when you train for a job the first three months are a trial period. You can’t even focus on whether you like the work because you’re too busy learning the steps, doing the best you can with the little you know. Once you hit three months you feel more familiar , it all becomes more natural and then you can look and assess to see if this is working for you . Same thing with motherhood. You’re so busy trying to juggle the new “job”, learn all there is to know , get enough sleep and still take care of everything else in your life , until you get to relax a bit , look back and see “Wow. I did that . I can do this” then you can start appreciating every little moment.
Don’t pressure yourself. Don’t feel guilty. It’s all part of the process. Wishing you l out a of nachas.

amother

Ebony

Fri, May 12 2023, 11:43 am

amother Navyblue wrote:

Sorry, babies have no smell. DH and I checked right after DD was born (3 weeks ago). It must be the soap, oil or lotion.

tichellady

Fri, May 12 2023, 11:55 am

I think it's really unusual to enjoy the newborn stage. parenting is so strange because every stage feels so intense and then it just seems to end. this can be really emotional ( at least for me)

10 weeks is still a baby! my almost 2 year old is still a baby. there are some really great stages coming up! it's so fun when the baby's personality really starts to emerge

amother

Cinnamon

Fri, May 12 2023, 12:04 pm

I have never enjoyed the so called "fourth trimester". It's a hell I have to get through to get to better things. Never once missed it or longed for it when they were older. My oldest is almost bar mitzvah and I enjoy him plenty now! My other kids also, I enjoy them so much where they are right now. I do currently
have a newborn and I'm looking forward to when this part is over and I can get some sleep again. I won't miss the newborn stayed, just trying to get through it. I have the experience now to know it doesn't last long and it does get better.

amother

Azalea

Fri, May 12 2023, 12:06 pm

I felt the same way for a long time. I just wanted time to stop for a bit so I could hold on to my baby for a little longer. When he outgrew newbornhood I was even a but sad.
He turned 2 last week and he is suddenly developing the most adorable and hilarious character and new words every week and I'm just loving him even more if that's possible.
I think it's normal.

amother

Bisque

Fri, May 12 2023, 12:10 pm

Totally normal. I never really enjoy that stage. I’m bleeding and dripping and in pain and taking care of the baby around the clock and dealing with visitors and chaos and mess and generally doing a million things that come along with the responsibility of a new baby. but I do enjoy looking back at the pictures.

amother

Melon

Fri, May 12 2023, 12:52 pm

I personally enjoy my children more and more and they grow. My last baby was really difficult until she was 12 months old but I still crave that tiny, newborn phase though I did not enjoy it at the time. I have a picture of her laying on me at 3 days old. I look.... not my best... but just seeing her cuddly, tiny body in my arms is so heartwarming for me. It's a good memory.

mushkamothers

Fri, May 12 2023, 12:53 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

Sorry, babies have no smell. DH and I checked right after DD was born (3 weeks ago). It must be the soap, oil or lotion.

It's actually your own fluids and vernix and the smell is hormonally designed to attract you to your baby. It's definitely there even if you don't think it is.

zaq

Fri, May 12 2023, 2:52 pm

Live in the moment. Don't kill today's pleasure with useless regret over what you may or may not have savored yesterday. Besides, all those shmillions of photos you and others took are there to allow you to relive happy moments whether or not you fully appreciated them at the time.

PinkFridge

Fri, May 12 2023, 4:20 pm

zaq wrote:

This.
Life is a blur.
A blessed blur.
Remember the blessings and thank Hashem for them in your life, as often as you can. Enjoy and nachas!