Friend invited us again.Did she make a mistake?

amother

Fri, May 12 2023, 1:38 pm

We usually take turns having each other over at once a year for Shabbos meal. My friend just had us over for a Shabbos meal a few weeks ago. My friend texted me yesterday for us to come for a Shavous meal. We enjoy their company and would otherwise be alone. Their children are married and they too maybe alone w/o having invites . But they have many more friends than we do. But, how do I know she did not accidentally text me? We have rarely, if ever, been invited w/o us reciprocating and these invites are so close together. I want to add that I can’t currently invite them for Shavous. Anyway to word checking or assume not a mistake?

watergirl

Fri, May 12 2023, 1:46 pm

Welcome to my social anxiety fear of all time. This is why I start all invitation texts with the person's name.

At this point you have to assume they meant it for you, and even if they didn't, if you asked them, who would say no, we meant someone else... ya know?

amother

Ebony

Fri, May 12 2023, 1:49 pm

Can you call her for something else, a recipe etc and see if she brings it up?
Or would you invite her to you if it was a mistake on her end?

amother

cornflower

Fri, May 12 2023, 1:58 pm

Thanx for the invite. We were just your guest recently, why don't you come to us for a meal this time? We'd love to have you!

Or

Thanx for the invite, that's so thoughtful. Can you give me a day to finalize our plans for yt? I'll be in touch. Thank you!
Then wait a day and text her, sorry for the delay. Is the invitation still available for yt meal? (No pressure if your plans have changed.....)

zaq

Fri, May 12 2023, 2:15 pm

There's no halachah forbidding people to invite guests twice in a row without being invited in return. Maybe they really enjoy your company. Why can't you just CALL your friends -- you do know that a phone's original function was to allow people to TALK to each other, right?--and verify that you were the intended recipient of the message?

amother

Yarrow

Fri, May 12 2023, 2:16 pm

Thanks for the invite! Just double checking that you intended to invite us, since you recently had us?

(Why make make simple communication so complicated???)

mommy3b2c

Fri, May 12 2023, 2:18 pm

Just say- “thanks so much ! We’d love to come !”

Assuming you do want to go…

cupcake123

Fri, May 12 2023, 2:42 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Just say- “thanks so much ! We’d love to come !”

Assuming you do want to go…

Exactly this. At this point even worst case scenario and it was a mistake your friend will want to pretend it wasn't and have you because otherwise she'll feel weird. If you're friends just go and enjoy !

Adding that I think it's weird to say " just checking this is meant for me " or anything like that. She might feel uncomfortable if it was meant for you and you're doubting the invite

Last edited by cupcake123 on Fri, May 12 2023, 2:43 pm; edited 1 time in total

mikayla18

Fri, May 12 2023, 2:47 pm

I mamash invite my friends every single week (they doesn't always accept) just say thank you so much and go (if you want). And if it was a mistake, you'll have a great meal together!

amother

Blushpink

Fri, May 12 2023, 2:55 pm

Another vote for don’t overthink or over complicate. If she made a mistake then the ball is in her court to correct.

Highstrung

Fri, May 12 2023, 2:56 pm

Is it really a thing that inviting guests needs to be a back and forth , tit for tat type of thing? I have never been invited to the people that have as guests and and I rarely invited my hosts as guests. I’m not going to give up on being a guest because of my inability to host and will not , not invite someone because she came to me three times and never invited me back. I’ve only seen this “I host , you host” thing on imamother . I wonder if this is specific to certain circles and communities.

amother

Snowdrop

Fri, May 12 2023, 4:33 pm

Maybe they just enjoy your company. Especially when it’s Yom Tov coming up and and there are a few meals. I’m sure they would rather be with you than sit alone.

If your anxiety is getting the best of you, tell her you’d love to come and you’re sorry you weren’t able to have them over yet see how she responds. It’s probably totally fine

amother

Daylily

Fri, May 12 2023, 4:57 pm

zaq wrote:

Zaq this is great advice, but you do know that no one under a certain very advanced age uses a phone for that prehistoric function unless they G-d forbid need hatzala, right?
You must be my age… Surprised

amother

Trillium

Sun, May 14 2023, 2:58 am

I also had a misunderstanding with a text invite. For the one inviting, if you can't make the 30 second phone call, take the full 60 seconds to make sure your text-invite is very clear about whom you are inviting when.

imaima

Sun, May 14 2023, 3:15 am

amother Ebony wrote:

Can you call her for something else, a recipe etc and see if she brings it up?
Or would you invite her to you if it was a mistake on her end?

Why so complicated?
Really it is much more impolite to be ruminating forever and go in roundabout ways for something so simple

Just reply yes or no. What’s the big deal of they have you twice? Then you can have them twice