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amother
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 Sun, May 21 2023, 7:31 am
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I don't mind clutter, or toys on the floor. I do want a clean plate, silverware, glasses. I could care less if the kids books are on the couch or scattered on the floor. When I sit on your couch though, I do not want to by accident sit in Blueberry jam, or any yogurts. I am coming for the fun, and talk and play with your children. The area we sit in though (when playing) should be clutter free, kids hands washed. That's all. If you invite for sleepover, make sure all linen are clean, floor swept. I was in an apartment where the beds and cribs were Sandy. full of clean and dirty laundry. you get the picture. That is not the time to invite friends over for sleeping.
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LovesHashem
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Sun, May 21 2023, 7:40 am
| amother OP wrote: | My house is messy. Full stop. I'm not good at cleaning, my kids help but can only do so much, I don't have cleaning help. (can't afford and not good at delegating)
The house is not atrocious I don't think but it's definitely not spotless or shining. There are cobwebs and dust and yes even dirt depending where you look. There is clutter and stuff lying around and some things are broken. It's an old house and the owners don't maintain it well so even when a room is clean it doesn't look great.
Would you invite guests? I used to a lot, but second guessing myself. Should I not? |
Dust and dirty bother me. Messy not so much.
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bigsis144
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Sun, May 21 2023, 8:17 am
| amother Sand wrote: | | I only invite company who’s houses are just as flying (meaning also have little kids) and won’t judge. |
I am similar, though my umbrella also includes families with non-neurotypical kids and parents.
Because my ADHD (ETA: and depression!) friends will understand that even if my sink is full of dishes and counters are slightly sticky when guests arrive for Shabbos lunch doesn’t mean that their food was made on dirty equipment. I just ran out of time on Erev Shabbos to wash things with hot water, etc. Or the bathrooms have toothpaste on the mirror and the sink because I had to *prioritize* and that ball got dropped for a while.
Sometimes things take turns being clean and I’m doing the best that I can.
And I am so scared about being judged that I assume most people will be grossed out unless they live in a similar situation.
I’m not oblivious. I’m just incompetent!! 😁
Last edited by bigsis144 on Sun, May 21 2023, 9:28 am; edited 1 time in total
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613mitzvahgirl
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Sun, May 21 2023, 8:46 am
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I honestly have a few friends that are totally dirty but their midos are amazing.. one friend recently invited us/ they are such nice ppl, but their house was so dirty.. I didn’t realize how dirty they were until it was time to wash.. once we were all In the kitchen it looked like a war zone.. dishes were piled high, one sink was over flowing.. the counter had dirty dishes on it from Thursdays supper of baked ziti, you were able to tell when you saw the plates, there were dirty cups on the counter- you were able to see half cup fulls of drinks of milk and orange juice, the towels had oil stains that were fresh when it was time for washing.. we asked her for knapkins as I told her I only use knapkinds in other ppls houses.. bh she knew that, there was a hamper on dirty clothes sitting in the kitchen.. I have to say bh they are really really such sweet ppl, just not neat and organized sadly.. snd they gave us plastic dishes and cups to use.. and my husband and I and our kids hardly ate.. it’s such a shame but HaShem saw that we were trying and she saw that.. I don’t think we will be going there for at least until she cleans up.. in the meantime I’m going to daven for them.. Bc it is a sickness of being this way and I know nobody’s perfect, but at the same time we aren’t the ones to judge and we aren’t.. we just look at how HaShem made such wonderful ppl that ppl shouldn’t be so quick to judge..
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SuperWify
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Sun, May 21 2023, 8:53 am
Messy or dirty?
I don’t mind old, my house is not new. But I work extra hard to keep it clean and hygienic. Messy doesn’t matter as long as the guest room is clean with fresh linen the bathroom is presentable and the food is prepared in a safe environment. Dirty is a problem.
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LovesHashem
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Sun, May 21 2023, 9:13 am
| bigsis144 wrote: | I am similar, though my umbrella also includes families with non-neurotypical kids and parents.
Because my ADHD friends will understand that even if my sink is full of dishes and counters are slightly sticky when guests arrive for Shabbos lunch doesn’t mean that their food was made on dirty equipment. I just ran out of time on Erev Shabbos to wash things with hot water, etc. Or the bathrooms have toothpaste on the mirror and the sink because I had to *prioritize* and that ball got dropped for a while.
Sometimes things take turns being clean and I’m doing the best that I can.
And I am so scared about being judged that I assume most people will be grossed out unless they live in a similar situation.
I’m not oblivious. I’m just incompetent!! 😁 |
I totally feel you. I think though when people see toothpaste and other stuff they also assume other parts of the bathroom weren't clean. If we're having guests over or someone is coming unexpectedly I do make sure one bathroom is perfectly clean.
The only time I've been somewhere where it was messy like you describe it was so much more than that. The bathroom wasn't cleaned at all. There was clothing and rags and dirt all over and it smelled bad. I mean maybe they cleaned the toilet? Idk we were sleeping over and I was so grossed out.
Dont clean your bathroom or stuff I don't have to touch and use. But the guest area should be clean.
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