IDGI! Why are we teaching our kids Fakery?!

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, May 24 2023, 7:36 pm

As someone who grew up in a more modern home and later transitioned to a Yeshivish lifestyle, I have personally witnessed the negative impact of technology on my childhood. I want to share my experiences and implore mothers of older children who may be reading this to recognize the potential harm that excessive use of devices can have on a child's development.

During my upbringing, technology became an increasingly prevalent presence in our lives. From a young age, I was exposed to various gadgets, screens, and digital distractions. While technology certainly has its benefits and can be a valuable tool, the unfiltered access I had to it robbed me of the innocence and simplicity of a traditional childhood.

Instead of spending time outdoors, engaging in creative play, or developing meaningful relationships, much of my time was consumed by screens. I found myself engrossed in video games, social media, and mindless browsing. The hours I spent scrolling through endless content felt like a whirlwind, whisking away the precious moments of my youth.

As a result, I missed out on important aspects of childhood development.

Moreover, the constant exposure to the digital world took a toll on my mental and emotional well-being. The seemingly perfect lives portrayed on social media platforms fostered feelings of inadequacy and comparison. It became challenging to appreciate the beauty of the real world when bombarded with carefully curated images of others' lives. This constant exposure to unrealistic standards took away from my self-esteem and contributed to feelings of isolation and anxiety.

However, it is important to note that I do not advocate for a complete ban on technology. I recognize that technology is an integral part of our lives and has many beneficial aspects. It offers access to knowledge, facilitates communication, and enables efficiency in various things.

Rather, my plea to all you mothers is to ensure that their children have good quality filters and limitations when it comes to their interaction with technology.

Implementing effective filters can help mitigate the potential harm that unrestricted access to technology can cause. By setting boundaries and providing appropriate supervision, mothers can create a healthy balance between the digital world and the real world. This way, children can still benefit from the advantages technology offers while preserving the essence of a meaningful childhood.

No child should have to go through what I went through, feeling as though their childhood was robbed by technology. It is crucial for mothers to be proactive in safeguarding their children's well-being and development. By taking the necessary steps to implement filters, set limits, and foster alternative activities, we can help ensure that our children grow up with the richness and beauty of a well-rounded childhood experience.

Cressel

Wed, May 24 2023, 7:48 pm

Personally, I WISH that the high school I went to banned smartphones.

People tend to think that if they have a filter, there is no harm the technology usage of their children.

However, this assumption overlooks the myriad of other harmful consequences associated with technology. Little did we anticipate that the introduction of smartphones would result in a generation constantly engrossed in their screens, unable to lift their heads and truly engage with the world around them.

One particularly concerning effect of smartphone usage is the unhealthy habit of endless scrolling, which significantly impacts everyone, especially children. Constantly being absorbed in social media feeds, news articles, or mindless entertainment leads to adverse outcomes.

The addictive nature of these platforms hijacks our attention, fostering a compulsive need to constantly refresh and seek the next piece of content.

Furthermore, the reliance on smartphones erodes essential life skills, such as effective communication, problem-solving, and self-regulation. Rather than learning to navigate real-world challenges and cope with boredom or discomfort, individuals turn to their devices for instant gratification. This dependency inhibits personal growth, creativity, and the development of essential coping mechanisms.

the world's best mom

Wed, May 24 2023, 8:32 pm

giftedmom wrote:

Literally no one here is advocating giving smartphones to children and teens

No, but people were upset at the thought of a school demanding that people filter their devices.

R' Matisyahu Solomon said that people who have filters on their internet can daven that their children shouldn't be exposed to anything harmful online. People who don't have filters can't even daven.

R' Dovid Feinstein Zatzal had a lot to say about unfiltered internet.

Rabbi Dov Brezak said that the internet is like a snake. On a filtered computer, it's like a snake in a cage. On an unfiltered smartphone, it is like the snake is loose in your house and free to harm people in any part of the house.

And Rabbi Wallerstein Zatzal said, is there a single person who can honestly say they never once saw anything online that they shouldn't have seen?

I do not actually know what I think schools should do. As you can possibly tell from my posts on this thread, I'm a little back and forth about it. I see why parents feel like it's too controlling. It's the principle of the matter. But I also see why the schools are so desperate to make sure the students do not have access to unfiltered internet.

Trademark

Wed, May 24 2023, 8:37 pm

amother Lawngreen wrote:

What you don't realize is that you're coming from the other side of the spectrum. One Extreme doesn't justify the other, there is a middle ground.

Some communities might need more boundaries and others might need less control.

amother

Fern

Wed, May 24 2023, 8:59 pm

amother RosePink wrote:

I agree with most of your post wholeheartedly. On this minor point, it appears that some schools monitor activity levels and will call out parents whose filtered devices show insufficient daily activity, thereby indicating that they are not the parents' real main device.

Sadly, the same technology that gives so much access makes remote monitoring and control much easier also. Imagine, for example, requiring parents to give schools access to their Alexa or similar home devices, such that the school could have on-demand audio access to what is happening in the home. Or installing technology in the filters that allows the filtering company to turn on the phone or computer's microphone or even camera at will.

Sounds crazy now, I hope it won't ever come to that.

This is crazy. Schools monitor your usage on your phone. They monitor if you're active on WhatsApp, and are actively spying on you with zero busha for doing so. outright. It's probably illegal too. Sick, sick, sick.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, May 24 2023, 9:54 pm

Trademark wrote:

I'm not on EITHER extreme. I hope I was clear in my long post

Here is what I wrote:

However, it is important to note that I do not advocate for a complete ban on technology. I recognize that technology is an integral part of our lives and has many beneficial aspects. It offers access to knowledge, facilitates communication, and enables efficiency in various things.

Rather, my plea to all you mothers is to ensure that their children have good quality filters and limitations when it comes to their interaction with technology.

Implementing effective filters can help mitigate the potential harm that unrestricted access to technology can cause. By setting boundaries and providing appropriate supervision, mothers can create a healthy balance between the digital world and the real world. This way, children can still benefit from the advantages technology offers while preserving the essence of a meaningful childhood.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, May 24 2023, 11:55 pm

Trademark wrote:

Sorry I didn't mean to say that you are either extreme.

It was just a general point.

Often when people grow up one way and move to a different direction they don't realize how it feels for people coming from the opposite direction.

You chose a certain direction in your life and that's great but that doesn't mean that in some communities there isn't excessive control.

Right but I think that the dangers of technology apply to everyone.

Having experienced both the modern world and the Yeshivish world, I can confidently affirm that there is a notable contrast between children who have grown up immersed in screens and those who have not.

Consequently, I made the conscious decision to embrace a Yeshivish lifestyle and live differently from my family. This choice was driven by my observations of the detrimental effects of excessive technology within my family, circle of friends, and society at large.

I wish people would appreciate the technology restrictions their children's schools are making. The school is doing it for your child's good, I can promise you that.

amother

Aqua

Thu, May 25 2023, 12:19 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

We appreciate the restrictions for the CHILDREN. Leave the adults alone. They're old enough and mature enough amd have been taught by this very education system to made appropriate decisions.

amother

RosePink

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:36 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

You're hardly the only one who has experienced both the modern and the yeshivish world. Go ahead and make whatever choices you feel are best for you, and the rest of us will do the same.

BH where I live the yeshivish-run frum schools serve a hashkafically mixed population and understand that parents will set their own standards for their families outside of school. This includes not only technology, but dress, books, movies, extracurricular activities, summer camps, youth groups, and shuls.

We do not filter internet currently. Instead we choose to supervise and monitor access. If or when we do decide to filter, we will use off-the-shelf products that my husband and I fully control ourselves, and not anything where we have to make a "request" for some frum filter company to grant access to any particular content. So far, our children are thriving and IYH my husband and I will continue to evolve to meet their chinuch needs as they get older. We don't need or want the schools supervising our home or the other families' homes.

amother

Aqua

Thu, May 25 2023, 8:26 am

amother RosePink wrote:

Exactly. Supervising parents is infantilizing them. Empower the parents by raising awareness and providing guidance. But supervising and policing adults is highly inappropriate.

amother

DarkGray

Thu, May 25 2023, 11:40 am

amother Lawngreen wrote:

But what is the harm in installing a filter? Can I ask why it bothers you?

Being an adult doesn't meet that a filter isn't a good idea.

What do you need to do that a filter would block you from doing?

I don't see any harm in installing a filter. Is there something that I am missing?

It's not that anyone here objects to filters, rather the big brother state where you are more or less commanded exactly which type, to what degree, and which company to use, no less, and that you need to prove it because you aren't trusted by the authorities. It's way overstepping and demeaning. It's like asking a 10 year old to prove they brushed their teeth by opening their mouth so you can inspect it. Or making a person turn their pockets inside out bec they are suspected of shoplifting. Not because they gave any sign they are guilty but because you are suspicious and need to prove you are in control; the default is to assume everyone is guilty and untrustworthy. Sends a terrible message.

Cressel

Thu, May 25 2023, 11:47 am

amother DarkGray wrote:

What kind of proof is your child's school requiring?