Scared theyll be traumatized

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:26 am

Im due to give birth in a few weeks IYH and I have 2 toddlers (5 and 3 year old boys). Ill be leaving them for a few days - a week by a sil who they know but not there often. Iwas thinking to get them a mini child suitcase or overnight bag to make it exciting. Any ideas/links?
Im coming up with a lot of dinosaur and girly options online. Can anyone help me? I also dont want to spend a lot

amother

Pansy

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:28 am

I think you're thinking on the wrong track
I would focus more on having them get to know your sil better before you give birth

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:30 am

Your 'headline' is clickbait...

Can they spend some time with SIL before moving there for a week?

amother

Rose

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:31 am

A new bag won't make a difference. Collect favorite stuff from around your house and send it with, blankets, toys that they are attached to etc.

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:34 am

amother Rose wrote:

A new bag won't make a difference. Collect favorite stuff from around your house and send it with, blankets, toys that they are attached to etc.

Theyre not that type.. I cant think of anything theyre attached to

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:39 am

amother OP wrote:

Theyre not that type.. I cant think of anything theyre attached to

Does SIL know what they like to eat? How their morning/evening routine goes? Will you be speaking to them 2x a day?

Do they know that this will be happening?

Doesn't sound like trauma will come from this.

New suitcases is a great idea - will make them excited for their week away.

amother

Cherry

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:46 am

Traumatized is a strong word.

They might dislike the arrangements but if your SIL is a warm and caring aunt then they will be fine albeit unhappyish.

Prepare them with exactly what will be happening. Who will take them there and how they will get to school etc. Reassure them that they will be coming home shortly.

Discuss it with them with a very positive attitude.

I would also tell them that when they get back they will be getting a new big toy e.g. playmobile set, trampoline, bike, magnatiles or whatever.

amother

Anemone

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:48 am

What about a new backpack that they can put some precious things inside, and you can add some new exciting treat/toy? it doesn't have to be a full case. And the clothes will go somewhere else.

scintilla

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:53 am

Make them a little book with pictures of you & them, put very simple words on the bottom like "this is Mommy, tatty, Shloimy & Leah. They live together and have so much fun going to school, eating supper, etc. Mommy is going to the doctor to have a new baby so shloimy and Leah will go Aunt chaya's house. Aunt Chaya will take care of them and bring them to school and give them supper. If they need anything aunt Chaya will help them. They will play with fun toys at aunt Chaya's house. When mommy is finished at the doctor she will go home with the new baby and shloimy and Leah will go home too. Then they will all stay home together. Mommy loves shloimy and Leah so much."

That's just an idea for wording, obviously customize, but it can be really helpful for them to have words for what's happening and to know that they'll be going home soon. Doesn't have to be anything fancy, just printed words & pictures on a page is just fine, black & white is fine too, you can staple it together.

Also, I'm responding to your title not your actual post. Sorry I don't have recommendations for a backpack but do they like any vehicles? You can search that on Amazon. Ie race car backpack, fire truck backpack.

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 8:58 am

amother Ginger wrote:

I can let her know theyre schedule... But I was told to not have any contact with them while they are away or it will make them homesick

They dont know anything yet. but I plan on telling them a bit later on

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:00 am

scintilla wrote:

So smart! Love the idea for the book and thanks for the wording!

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:00 am

amother OP wrote:

That's really bad advice. Its okay if they miss home, and its okay if they miss you. They should know that you miss them too - and are looking forward to seeing them soon.

amother

Watermelon

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:04 am

scintilla wrote:

I love this idea! And op u should tell your kids about the arrangements even if they don’t fully understand and once they’re there don’t talk to them bc it will make it so much harder for them and they’ll def fuss once ur off the phone

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:06 am

amother Watermelon wrote:

A five year old who is fully aware of the concept of a telephone would be rather dumbfounded (or frightened) why his mother isn't calling him.

amother

Mint

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:09 am

amother OP wrote:

Not to have contact makes sense for a toddler who doesn't understand what's going on, since it just confuses him more. Not for fully verbal children who can be prepared in advance as to exactly what will be happening and who be homesick regardless.

amother

Winterberry

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:09 am

Another idea is to draw up a calendar with the amount of days you're planning for them to stay. Every morning they can stick another sticker like a omer chart.... you can also write messages in each square like mommy loves you, kiss from mommy etc. Helps for kids who are too young to have a concept of time.
Sorry it was off topic, but a kid that stayed with us for a week had a chart like that and I thought it was brilliant.

amother

Mint

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:10 am

If you're due to give birth in a few weeks, please prepare them already for it!!!

You could go into labor any day now.

weasley

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:26 am

A 5 year old is not a toddler! Definitely discuss with him/her exactly what's going to happen whilst your away and that you will be back!

amother

Catmint

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:31 am

Dutch the suitcase idea

Talk to them about what will happen. As much as they want. Emphasis on them coming back home after a few sleeps.
Make it clear that they can call you whenever they want (ugh that no contact advice is the worse)

I host a lot of kids. A mini album with pictures of their family really really helps. Some parents disagree and won’t send pictures but I see clearly, cutting contact and having no pictures doesn’t make the child forget, it just makes them have an even harder time being away.

amother

Eggshell

Tue, May 23 2023, 9:36 am

I disagree with everyone saying to ditch the suitcase idea. As part of the process of explaining to the boys that Mommy is going to have a baby and they will be staying with SIL, they can help prepare by packing a few things that they want to take with them, like a book or toy from home and their pajamas (so that they understand they will be sleeping someplace else), in a special bag for the "trip." I think it will make it more real for them that they are going away.

This looks cute: https://www.nordstromrack.com/.....aw.ds

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