Scared theyll be traumatized

ra_mom

Tue, May 23 2023, 10:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

Im due to give birth in a few weeks IYH and I have 2 toddlers (5 and 3 year old boys). Ill be leaving them for a few days - a week by a sil who they know but not there often. Iwas thinking to get them a mini child suitcase or overnight bag to make it exciting. Any ideas/links?
Im coming up with a lot of dinosaur and girly options online. Can anyone help me? I also dont want to spend a lot

Check this out! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B093.....ss_tl

I'll skip the title and reply to the post. 😃

scintilla

Tue, May 23 2023, 10:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

Well what do you know! A mother of someone in his class had a baby so they spoke about it and it sounds like he told his teacher (couldn't get the story straight) that his mommy is also having a baby! So we had a little conversation about what happens when mommy has a baby and where mommy goes.... Lol!

I don't know if he really knew or he just wanted to be included in the attention the other kid was getting....

That's really cute!

amother

Tealblue

Tue, May 23 2023, 10:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

I can let her know theyre schedule... But I was told to not have any contact with them while they are away or it will make them homesick

They dont know anything yet. but I plan on telling them a bit later on

That’s insane advice’ To not have any contact?! If that’s the case of course they will be traumatized!

Of course you should have contact with them. Even if they cry, that’s the healthy approach. Bshaah tova!

amother

Cerise

Tue, May 23 2023, 10:46 pm

My toddler went away to a family member when baby was born.

She spent time at the relative - but never overnight without us.
When she came home to meet the baby she was happy and proud but I did sense that she felt her little world was shaken up.
The next time we visited the relative she was looking at me to make sure I wouldn’t leave her there again.
A month or two later she forgot about it all.

I would recommend spending time at the relative's as much as possible before the baby. Maybe eating lunch or dinner there so she feels like she is a part of the family.

This book helped as well. $7 on Amazon

I Am a Big Sister (Caroline Jayne Church)

amother

Tealblue

Tue, May 23 2023, 10:47 pm

amother Mint wrote:

Not to have contact makes sense for a toddler who doesn't understand what's going on, since it just confuses him more. Not for fully verbal children who can be prepared in advance as to exactly what will be happening and who be homesick regardless.

Disagree. Of course you should call your toddler!

amother

Apple

Tue, May 23 2023, 10:48 pm

You can also buy a toy and have them gift it to sil children.

This is a really special gift for chaim and rivky to bring to aunt chanas when mommy goes to the hospital.
Or a nosh of you want to stay low key

amother

Obsidian

Tue, May 23 2023, 11:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Do you go to the hospital on your own? I assume you have big kids who can watch the little ones? But I don't so I need to send them out for a bit

Why can't they come home after you come home from the hospital?

amother

Tue, May 23 2023, 11:28 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

Why can't they come home after you come home from the hospital?

I need a day to settle down and there may be shabbos one of those days

amother

Papaya

Tue, May 23 2023, 11:54 pm

amother Obsidian wrote:

Why can't they come home after you come home from the hospital?

Because she just had a baby and doesn't have energy to care for toddlers! A women is a choleh mesukan after having a baby. She needs her rest. Bh we have family and friends that are willing to help us out at the time. The kids will be fine ih. It's not the time to be a martyr.

amother

Papaya

Tue, May 23 2023, 11:55 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

Disagree. Of course you should call your toddler!

This isn't clear cut the right thing to do. It can sometimes cause more harm then good and unsettle the kid when they're doing well. Especially for kid that doesn't understand what talking on the phone is and will just get confused from hearing moms voice but not seeing her there.

amother

Ginger

Tue, May 23 2023, 11:58 pm

amother Papaya wrote:

A five year old?

amother

Papaya

Wed, May 24 2023, 12:00 am

amother Ginger wrote:

A five year old?

I thought she's talking about a 3 year old.
For a 5 year old, it really depends on the kid. If it will just make them homesick and miserable, then no, they don't have to talk to mom. But I think that a 5 year old can initiate this himself. Instead of mom calling him, he should be able to call, but only if he brings it up.

amother

Dahlia

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:31 am

prepare them, let them know where they will be staying. Most kids are fine not being home for a few days. It was harder for me than for them lol.

I went to buy a toy with them. We chose something to give to the family that they went to to play there. We put it in their suitcase. They wanted to play with it so they kept on asking when they can finally go there.

I also put in a little chart and stickers. I made boxes with them on the chart and showed them how many days they will be there. Every day he put a sticker on the chart. It helped him keep track of how much longer.

amother

Rose

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:33 am

amother OP wrote:

Theyre not that type.. I cant think of anything theyre attached to

Everyone is attached to their familiar objects. Their bedding, their books, their toys. It doesn't have to be something they shlep around all the time just familiar.

amother

Rose

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:36 am

amother OP wrote:

Do you go to the hospital on your own? I assume you have big kids who can watch the little ones? But I don't so I need to send them out for a bit

You can send them out if you want.
I personally brought in a babysitter to stay with them in my house so they are in their own house. My husband was home after the birth and he watched them after that.
It's not automatic that you "have to" send them out. You can if you want but you do have other options.

imaima

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:43 am

amother OP wrote:

Its still quite early. Little children have no concept of time I'd rather tell them closer to my due date

Bad idea, and if you care about not traumatizing them, listen to advice on this thread.
5 year old is not a toddler and 3 year old is hardly one too. You can talk to them. You can give them a paper calendar and show around what time the baby will come, so they don’t bug you. Visit SIL frequently, let her know their schedule, have her call you.

imaima

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:47 am

amother OP wrote:

Do you go to the hospital on your own? I assume you have big kids who can watch the little ones? But I don't so I need to send them out for a bit

I send my kids for the duration of my delivery. Then my dh or other family take care of them at our home. We don’t have relatives who are so close to them that they could just move in there.

amother

Dimgray

Wed, May 24 2023, 2:32 am

Beshaa tova.

OP, kids are smarter than you think. They should be given advance notice of a baby. Show them where the baby will sleep, and reassure them that their schedules will be uninterrupted even after the baby arrives. They need to feel secure.

Definitely speak to them and/or FaceTime them every day when you are apart. And make sure that your SIL knows the little details of their lives as much as possible. (If a kid absolutely insists on having a sandwich in triangles and not rectangles, let her know.) It's the details that make a difference.

Highstrung

Wed, May 24 2023, 7:00 am

amother Mint wrote:

If you're due to give birth in a few weeks, please prepare them already for it!!!

You could go into labor any day now.

They need to be prepared. If you are worried about trauma, then step #1 is to prepare them ahead of time and let them know that you will be giving birth. Talk about it every day. Answer their questions . Tell them they will be staying by their aunt and so on. Let them be fully prepared. Cute suitcases and prizes are meaningless.

amother

Molasses

Wed, May 24 2023, 7:24 am

I didn’t read the whole thread, but my 2 cents:

I tell my kids beginning of my 9th month. Any earlier and they nudge for too long.
We use books to talk about baby coming and what will happen- Daniel tiger is particularly good for this.

Definitely make sure the family they’ll be with is familiar to them. We have my husband go home during bedtime and in the morning to help (he also sleeps at home) and visits me while the kids are at school.

We also have baby “give” them a big gift as soon as soon as he comes home.