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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Is this a normal request? Michelle watch
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 1:29 pm
Do girls graduating from 8th grade need to have a Michelle watch? And what if the family can’t afford it?
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amother
Lightcyan


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 1:30 pm
amother OP wrote:
Do girls graduating from 8th grade need to have a Michelle watch? And what if the family can’t afford it?


Absolutely. There is a fund in your town that offers really good subsidies for purchase of a Michelle watch.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 1:34 pm
In all seriousness, if you couldn’t afford st your child asked for what would you do?
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Trademark




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 1:37 pm
amother OP wrote:
In all seriousness, if you couldn’t afford st your child asked for what would you do?


For curiosity, I checked the prices online and it's expensive!

Maybe on sale you can get a better price.

I don't have an 8th grade daughter but seems to me to be very expensive for such an age.

Get something nice within your budget.
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amother
Blushpink


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 1:41 pm
Need? No way. I give my kids a budget for gifts and they can choose whatever they want within the budget.
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amother
Butterscotch


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 1:53 pm
Growing up we couldn’t afford these things. I didn’t get. I learned to deal with it.

Other options are the kid babysitting to save up money, pooling gifts ie parents and both sets of grandparents give towards one gift instead of each getting something smaller… (I realize that’s not an option for everyone)

One thing though I always got the impression that if my father could afford he totally would get me so if you can’t get it, convey empathy and let her know you love her and wish you could do it for her.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 1:55 pm
Because they have become so popular and expected in certain communities for bat mitzvah or 8th grade graduation (which I learned recently from this site), I don’t think these girls have any concept of how expensive they are (yes, $250 is a lot, especially for an eighth grade graduation gift!). In general, it’s a while before kids and young teens can appreciate and grasp the concept of expense.

For this reason, when my children would ask me for an expensive gift, or if they wanted an expensive gift for a particular birthday or occasion, I would tell them that I would contribute whatever I was planning on spending on the gift towards the purchase and they could wait until they have the full amount and then buy it. So if grandparents or other family members also wanted to give a gift, they would ask me what the child wants and I will tell them they are collecting towards whatever item, and if they would like to contribute, then that would be lovely.

So I think whoever asked you for the watch, you can tell them that you are very happy to contribute the amount you were planning on spending on their gift.

People here are certainly going to tell you that $200 or $250 is not a lot for a watch, to each their own, of course. And considering nobody here knows your financial bracket, we don’t know what is considered expensive for you, but given the way you phrased your question I think it is.
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amother
Lightcyan


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 2:03 pm
amother OP wrote:
In all seriousness, if you couldn’t afford st your child asked for what would you do?


It would depend heavily on whether I would buy it if I could afford it.

But assuming it was something I wanted to give my child, I would do my best to pool family gifts as others have suggested. If this girl had a Bat Mitzvah - and there were cash gifts still available - I would ask her if she wanted to she wanted to use those.
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youngmother6




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 2:24 pm
It is a normal request.
That doesn’t mean you need to say yes. For me it would depend on my child do they need that extra push of a special gift? Are they having trouble fitting in. For a child that is well adjusted and is popular I probably would not buy it and find a nice watch that’s not a brand. For a child that is struggling either socially and/or academically I would get it if I could afford it. You can get it for cheaper at last call, off fifth, and Woodbury type stores.
Good luck!
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amother
Amaryllis


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 2:27 pm
amother OP wrote:
Do girls graduating from 8th grade need to have a Michelle watch? And what if the family can’t afford it?


Obviously it's not a need. And if you can't afford it you don't buy it. I think it's sad that in some places it's the norm for such young girls to have such an expensive watch. With that being said, nordstrom rack has some for under $200 now. Its still really expensive but that's a decent price for that brand.
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amother
Offwhite


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 2:27 pm
amother OP wrote:
Do girls graduating from 8th grade need to have a Michelle watch? And what if the family can’t afford it?

8th grade girls can ask for whatever they wish. Your role as a mother is to explain that it's not in your budget because you can't afford it. Brainstorm together to either find a way to pay for it (babysitting, gifts from relatives...) or find a cheaper alternative.

14 is a great age to learn that not everyone gets whatever they wish for/their friends are getting.
I do have a large family so I know it's not always easy!
chinuch is not easy!
Hatzlacha rabba!
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amother
Petunia


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 2:27 pm
No it’s not normal.

You say no.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 2:30 pm
Listen To Rabbi Efraim Wachsman On Torah Anytime. You be the one to end this craziness with gifts and amounts given to children. We need to stand up tall and shout ''Enough''.
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DustyDiamonds




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 2:32 pm
I mean, how else would she know what time it is?

Okay, sorry, I’m in a snarky mood!
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 2:45 pm
If it's something that's all the rage in her age group, it's a normal request. And it's equally normal and acceptable for you to say no, whether it's more than you want to spend or if there's another reason why you don't feel it's appropriate.
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amother
IndianRed


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 2:59 pm
Eh when I was that age everyone had a Tiffany bracelet with the links and the heart. They were expensive too. I didn't want one because they were ugly (and my parents prob would have said no, and maybe I kind of did want one 🙂), but there were other things I wanted. I think that's pretty normal. You don't have to get it if you can't afford it, or have other reasons/values, but it's normal for teens to want stuff like that if "everyone" else has it.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 3:09 pm
I think the request is normal because kids ask all kinds of things, why not give it a shot. But I also wouldn't buy one. I would have a conversation about the value of money and what it can be used for, and about 1 sentence into the conversation my kid would be like "yeah yeah I know I have heard this lecture before kthxbye"
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 3:12 pm
youngmother6 wrote:
It is a normal request.
That doesn’t mean you need to say yes. For me it would depend on my child do they need that extra push of a special gift? Are they having trouble fitting in. For a child that is well adjusted and is popular I probably would not buy it and find a nice watch that’s not a brand. For a child that is struggling either socially and/or academically I would get it if I could afford it. You can get it for cheaper at last call, off fifth, and Woodbury type stores.
Good luck!


Why would you purchase a luxury item for a girl who isn’t doing well academically and nit for a girl who is doing well. The only time grades should enter into it is if it was a reward for meeting specific goals.

Also I don’t understand why a watch is going to help someone who is struggling socially. I can’t imagine any meaningful friendships based on watch ownership. Seems like it would be better to deal with why the child is struggling and deal with those issues. I do agree thst to a some extent teenage girls do need to have external stuff to fit in but to me that is more fashionable clothing, a nice haircut, visit to dermatology if acne is an issue or subtle help if weight is an issue like encouraging dance class
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youngmother6




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 23 2023, 9:17 pm
amother Firebrick wrote:
Why would you purchase a luxury item for a girl who isn’t doing well academically and nit for a girl who is doing well. The only time grades should enter into it is if it was a reward for meeting specific goals.

Also I don’t understand why a watch is going to help someone who is struggling socially. I can’t imagine any meaningful friendships based on watch ownership. Seems like it would be better to deal with why the child is struggling and deal with those issues. I do agree thst to a some extent teenage girls do need to have external stuff to fit in but to me that is more fashionable clothing, a nice haircut, visit to dermatology if acne is an issue or subtle help if weight is an issue like encouraging dance class


Because a popular girl could set a trend and make a change. I would tell her that she can make a difference and by her not going with the social trends it will help other struggling girls who also may not have the ‘In thing’. If my daughter was a leader in the class I would treat it differently than if my daughter was on the sidelines.

No, I don’t think a watch would cause my daughter to have a meaningful friendship but it’s the bigger picture in my eyes. A struggling child is not in a place to effect change in her class. While a cool, popular girl may be. חנוך לנער על פי דרכו.
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amother
Oldlace


 

Post Wed, May 24 2023, 12:07 am
Lol I graduated 8th grade 12 years ago and it was a thing then too although not as bad as these last few years. At that point I knew my parents couldn’t afford it so I was only able to dream about it and never asked for one and only a minority got them. From my younger siblings it sounds like a lot more are getting them. Interesting though how long this trend has lasted.

I did eventually get one from my husband many years later and I have it for quite a few years and I’d say it’s definitely a quality piece and worth the money if you can afford it and your daughter can take care of it well.
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