Over protective of my first baby

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants

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amother

Wed, May 24 2023, 12:34 pm

When does that feeling of being overprotective of your first go away?
And how do you know if you are a typical first time mom versus taking it a bit too far ?
I struggle with the typical cliches of first time moms trying to balance let my baby be normal versus overly protective. He plays in the dirt and I hold myself back from rushing to wash his hands . I won't let him eat things from the floor..
Ok so that doesn't bother anyone.
But I guess I'm also overprotective in that I won't leave him with any babysitter. When he was a newborn and didn't know better I left him 2 times with my cleaning lady and even then I was a wreck the entire time wondering if she was taking good care of him.
I leave him with husband all the time because I know he takes good care of him)

But I recently went to a community event and realized the only other babies there were newborns. He was the only 11 month old. And someone even casually remarked oh you couldn't find a babysitter?

Do I just not go to events anymore ? Am I crazy ? I can't imagine leaving him.

ShishKabob

Wed, May 24 2023, 12:40 pm

Leaving with a cleaning lady is not the same as leaving with a reliable babysitter which I don't recommend.
I think that you should start to go out for a bit without your baby starting with an hour and then gradually extending the time. You can get a good babysitter for that.
I think that you answered your own question and are probably a bit too overprotective.

the world's best mom

Wed, May 24 2023, 12:50 pm

I have 7 kids and I still don't leave my baby with babysitters.

amother

Ivory

Wed, May 24 2023, 12:53 pm

The more kids I have, the more first-time mom I become…
You do you! Nothing wrong with extra love ❤️

amother

Maroon

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:02 pm

Not appropriate to bring an 11 year old to an adults event it's a little socially off

mushkamothers

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:03 pm

You should never hover, first baby or not. And dirt isn't bad.

But not to want to leave your baby behind? I find that too many people swing the opposite and have no problem separating with their baby - at any age. Starting from the hospital nursery at a few hours. There's nothing overprotective about not wanting to be separate from your baby. And 11 months is very much a baby!

Chickensoupprof

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:04 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

Not appropriate to bring an 11 year old to an adults event it's a little socially off

It was an 11 month old baby 🙄

amother

Cerulean

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:48 pm

I really only go to family events so I don't know about other social events but I usually bring my babies until they become difficult such as attacking the table or screaming a lot. Each child is different. My oldest I took until 18 months. My son didn't like social events, very shy so around a year I stopped. My covid baby I wore and she got used to cuddling against me so until 18 months when she got loud. To school events I try to avoid bringing kids because there is too much going on. An event labeled kid friendly I will bring all of them. So no babies to school tea or shiur.

imaima

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Whenever you go somewhere, please also be aware of other ladies. Not all community events are meant for babies, especially 11 mo.

amother

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:38 pm

Didn't bother anyone that he was there. He mostly slept in his stroller and only woke to the end . And I held him against a wall not like in the middle of the room..
But it occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't be bringing him anymore. Yet I also don't trust some random 14 year old babysitter.

I also have another issue with being overprotective of him. I live next door to my neices and nephews who are always in my house. I dont mind them at all. And They love him to bits. But I find myself getting a little annoyed every time my 13 year old neice asks to hold him because it's simply way too often. . She is obsessed with him. My 4 and 5 year old nephews love holding him also and I'm constantly afraid they'll drop him and constantly saying don't pick him up. But really they're being gentle with him . I'm just too overprotective. I just wonder if that protective feeling goes away with time or I need to let go a bit more . It's like I'm always worried about him. Always on alert of where he is.

groovy1224

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not wanting a 4 or 5 year old to pick up your baby is not overprotective, it's normal. But I'm not clear on what your issue with with your 13 year old niece wanting to play with him- isn't that helpful for you? You can get things done around the house while she plays with him. Lots of girls that age are 'obsessed' with cute babies..it's not clear to me what upsets you about it.

amother

Maroon

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:00 pm

Chickensoupprof wrote:

It was an 11 month old baby 🙄

Sorry I meant the above
Equally inappropriate

amother

Gold

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

So don't hire a random 14 year old babysitter.

amother

Maroon

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:07 pm

amother Cerulean wrote:

You should check with the baal simcha

amother

Raspberry

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:16 pm

I definitely didn’t leave my 11 month old with a babysitter. My parents/IL or sister, yes, but not a teen.

imaima

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

I wouldn’t trust 4 and 5 year olds too.

amother

Eggshell

Wed, May 24 2023, 5:27 pm

amother Gold wrote:

So don't hire a random 14 year old babysitter.

Yup this. I only use young teenagers for preschoolers and up. Babies get either 16+ year old or adults (like grandparents).

amother

SandyBrown

Wed, May 24 2023, 5:28 pm

I have a 9 month old and I honestly dunno how you do it! I’ve left my baby plenty times first out of necessity - the first time I left her was when I was rushed into hospital once she was around 2/3 months and I ended up staying the night… so even though it was torturous to be away from her my mum was watching her so I realised it was fine… then I also had to leave her when I had surgery a few weeks later but again left her with family so wasn’t so bad but I did end up taking her back early coz cldnt handle being away from her for too long!!

Anyway so yea I leave her with family wnvr she needs taking care of and bh I sleep trained her so if I want to go out in the evening I do get a teenage babysitter but again only someone I know usually a cousin, but only if she’s sleeping and I tell them to call me right away and I’d come home if she wakes up…

now idk what you do all day coz I work part time and she goes to a babysitter then - that was hard and I went through 4 different ones till I found one bh that is so loving and caring my baby is so happy to go there!!

amother

Catmint

Wed, May 24 2023, 5:36 pm

There’s nothing wrong with bringing an 11 month old along.

But you can also find a friend or relative who is willing to watch him in their house for an hour or two.

I think you need to discriminate more
A 13 year old can watch a baby for short amounts of time
A 5 year old cannot.

amother

Daylily

Wed, May 24 2023, 5:48 pm

I think your feelings are outside the range of normal, even for a first-time mom, and probably won’t change on their own. To not be able to imagine leaving him for a few hours, even with a responsible adult babysitter, and being annoyed your niece wants to hold him “too much” is extreme in my opinion.

Can’t speak to whether you’ll be as overprotective when you have multiple, but with mine the anxiety about leaving her and people handling her had worn off by a few months in.

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