What is an unnecessary expense for a wedding?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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GLUE

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:09 pm

Years ago I was reading how some group in Israel took all the wedding expenses sent out a questioner to ask which one is unnecessary. After all the questioners came back they came up with a list of things that people should stop buying.

So, if you made a wedding what expense do you think is or woze unnecessary? One you will not do for the next? Or one you still would do because that's life ect...?

613mitzvahgirl

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:12 pm

Hi.. I would do without bentchers.. we had a whole draw full of them.. the same with Mincha Maariv siddurim.. the thought means well, but when you have an over abundance it’s too much

scruffy

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:13 pm

As an introvert, I would've loved to have much fewer people!!!

mikayla18

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:18 pm

A dresser lol. Didn't have one and still managed to get zipped up and everything

amother

Blushpink

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:21 pm

mikayla18 wrote:

A dresser lol. Didn't have one and still managed to get zipped up and everything

I was gonna say the same

Also those silly hoodies that everyone ‘needs’ to wear

amother

Hyssop

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:25 pm

mikayla18 wrote:

A dresser lol. Didn't have one and still managed to get zipped up and everything

My mother's friend came to help me.

amother

Smokey

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:26 pm

A full band
A full photography crew
Outrageous flowers
Expensive gowns
Outrageous price for hair & makeup

GLUE

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:27 pm

613mitzvahgirl wrote:

Hi.. I would do without bentchers.. we had a whole draw full of them.. the same with Mincha Maariv siddurim.. the thought means well, but when you have an over abundance it’s too much

By one of my cousins wedding they left the bentchers at home so they were giving out bentchers from the lost and found.

amother

Daffodil

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:30 pm

I haven’t made weddings yet but would love to do a small, intimate backyard affair. I’d rather much much smaller but tasteful than full-size but with a lot of cut corners that ends up looking cheap. For who and for what?

cookier

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:32 pm

A dresser
chosson and kallah gifts
And, I’m gonna say it - alcohol.

amother

Salmon

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:33 pm

I only found out about hoodies after two weddings and the kidushin was still chal
Sometimes it’s not about doing with out but choosing a lower price point.
Invitations for example- basic basic basic
A wedding dresser I don’t need at all
Makeup and hair people come at a variety of prices
A mecheteniste dress I was told should cost 2,000 dollars but my 100 dollar dress from macys worked fine.
A limo for the couple is not needed
Music doesn’t need to be the top of the line guy ****
But:
The most costly thing is to fight with mechutanim
And it’s your couples night if there is something specific that they need to feel the magic do it
Ie.. if they want to go home in a horse drawn carriage or whatever do it
I had no photography or bentchers at my wedding 25 years later it still bothers me
And the magical wedding dress I wore still makes me smile

amother

Lightyellow

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:35 pm

amother Smokey wrote:

A full band
A full photography crew
Outrageous flowers
Expensive gowns
Outrageous price for hair & makeup

This wasn't even on my radar when thinking of what to cut back on Surprised

Highstrung

Wed, May 24 2023, 3:39 pm

The dumb slurpees at a mitzvah tantz. It’s not an expense . It’s just weird.

I did without floral centerpieces on each table at my wedding . I figured I won’t get to see it anyway and it’s my wedding (we ate in the yichud room) .
My wedding was awesome and I bet nobody even noticed that they were missing.

amother

Lightpink

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:21 pm

I don't know what is unnecessary but we picked what was most important for us, and got cheaper everything else. We wanted good music, so cheap flowers and food and venue. No video, just pictures. And everything else tried to minimize costs.

Never heard of a wedding dresser until this site.

amother

Lightcoral

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:22 pm

High end luxury gifts for bride and groom

amother

Quince

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:22 pm

The little tchotchkes (favors) for guests to take home - little candles, cookies, photo frames, things like that. I find them every time I clean out a random drawer in a desk or nightstand - they're just clutter. We didn't have them at our wedding and I don't think anyone minded.

amother

Chocolate

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:32 pm

Videographer - many people never watch their wedding video but it's important to others
Alcohol - we just had a bottle of wine on each of the men's tables but my daughter is getting married now and our mechtanim think alcohol is a necessity so we're not fighting about it
Everything can be made simple, flowers, food.. I wouldn't pick on the hoodie that cost a few dollars rather focus on areas that you can save alot...

keym

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:33 pm

This is very chassan/kalla/family specific.

Personally, I would have totally been ok without a band, just a CD or USB, but my husband and family is very musical so it was very important to them.

I learned from this not to get stuck on specific things being unnecessary, it can cause hard feelings.

The specific chassan and Kalla and families can sit down and see what they personally would do away with or trim down.

zaq

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:38 pm

All you really need is two kosher witnesses, a ring, a ketubah, a pen for the witnesses to sign it, a chuppah, and two cups of wine. And a bride and groom of course. A mesader kiddushin helps make sure everything is done kahalachah but a marriage would still be kosher and valid without one. Everything else is window dressing.

amother

Clear

Wed, May 24 2023, 4:38 pm

keym wrote:

This. I would've been ok with a playlist but really wanted fresh flowers.

My inlaws spent on a singer and got silk flowers. That is fine because it's their money and their choice how to spend it, but I still do feel regret over not having real flowers.

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