What is an unnecessary expense for a wedding?

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

Navyblue

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:06 pm

Haven't read everything since I last posted, but the endless gifting from hosts to guests (nevermind the chosen kallah gifts).
Thank you for hosting our guests, here's a huge expensive unnecessary gift.
Thank you for having us, here's a huge expensive unnecessary gift.
Thank yo for joining our simcha, here's a huge expensive unnecessary gift.

Points for those that can gift in a sensible and appropriate way. Honestly nobody needs or wants your outrageous gifts. It only shows you have a lot of money. You can express your thanks in the same way without breaking the bank, and gifting everyone associated with the simcha.

ROFL

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:07 pm

zaq wrote:

A neie mishegaas, a sweatshirt "personalized" with the name/s of the kallah and/or guests, or "Chedvah and Chanoch's Chasunah," often in rhinestones or glitter. Theoretically for protecting your clothes while getting your hair and makeup done.

Thanks Zaq. Glad my kids did not choose to do that! I actually wore one of my DH old shirts !

amother

DarkPurple

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:16 pm

amother Coffee wrote:

Food at the kabbulas punim
Food at the meal
Dessert plus at the shmorg
Hot foods on the side throughout dancing
Who still needs food? I mean, I get the nuts, chocolates, and mints, but lately it's cookies and snacks and kugel, and more fruit, and more cake. Like, what?

Half of the people who stay didn’t eat any of that. I didn’t have food by the shmorg, get to sit down, have dessert. I also didn’t eat by the mitzvah tantz- but a lot of the close family doesn’t eat half of that. This is for the closest family at the end. And it goes on half the night- 7pm meal is immaterial.

Cheiny

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:18 pm

Highstrung wrote:

The dumb slurpees at a mitzvah tantz. It’s not an expense . It’s just weird.

I did without floral centerpieces on each table at my wedding . I figured I won’t get to see it anyway and it’s my wedding (we ate in the yichud room) .
My wedding was awesome and I bet nobody even noticed that they were missing.

Gemachs have gorgeous silk centerpieces, I think flowers are a complete waste.

Cheiny

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:18 pm

amother Clear wrote:

This. I would've been ok with a playlist but really wanted fresh flowers.

My inlaws spent on a singer and got silk flowers. That is fine because it's their money and their choice how to spend it, but I still do feel regret over not having real flowers.

Why? What detrimental effect did you feel that had on the wedding?

amother

DarkPurple

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:20 pm

Cheiny wrote:

Gemachs have gorgeous silk centerpieces, I think flowers are a complete waste.

Any hall with takana weddings has silk centerpieces, badeken decor. My daughter’s was beautiful. The only real flowers were her bouquet- it was part of the package too.

amother

Coffee

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:22 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Why doesn't close family eat half of that? I don't understand. And if they didn't, why do you think they suddenly will eat stuff at the mitvzva tantz. As you yourself proved, you didn't eat at the shmorg nor at the MT. Don't worry, the people who need their fix, make sure to get it. And those that don't, will manage just fine without all the additional food. 20 years ago no one knew of food by the mitzva tantz other than some mint candies in a tiny bag. And those mitzva tantzes took waaaaaaaaaaaay longer than the ones today's days.
Also IDK how many weddings you've been to lately, but no meal is at 7 pm. More like 8:30- 9 pm with a main course usually even later.

amother

Puce

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:47 pm

zaq wrote:

All you really need is two kosher witnesses, a ring, a ketubah, a pen for the witnesses to sign it, a chuppah, and two cups of wine. And a bride and groom of course. A mesader kiddushin helps make sure everything is done kahalachah but a marriage would still be kosher and valid without one. Everything else is window dressing.

I thought you need 10 men for a minyan as well, but actually not! The mesadar kiddushin would make the brochos.

What we in the frum community have is not only a big fancy wedding, but basically a big pre-wedding party "The Shmorg" and huge after-wedding party "The Dinner". While Rabbi Wachsman recently said to get rid of vorts, I think everyone agrees that there is plenty to cut back on with weddings. Its all community norms. I dont think anyone is going to do what is the bare minimum mentioned above, it is important to realize that everything else is really an extra.

Elfrida

Sat, May 27 2023, 3:23 pm

There was a brief period during corona when weddings were down to the absolute minimum. Then people started looking for ways to add on within the covid restrictions, and as soon as possible, things just bounced back to normal. The bottom line is that people don't want to cut things down to the minimum.

amother

Opal

Sun, May 28 2023, 2:13 am

I don't want things cut to the minimum. I do care about unnecessary expense that actually take away from the beauty of the wedding. Unsurprisingly, these would be necessities if we had imafather website.

Chosen cigarettes the hall just smells.
Alcohol or bar crazy how a whole wedding could get ruined by some drunk chosen friends or even worse chooses father or brother.
Electric guitar just find it noisy or other very loud music. I know many people in their 40s who need hearing aids. I contribute this to all the really loud weddings. I love lively music but they should put the speakers in middle of the circle in a way that it's distributed evenly. I can't stand when a few tables are under the speaker and the circle of dancers are on the other side of the room complaining if the music is any lower it would be too low.
Drones are new and unnecessary in the photo industry.
Added extra to the food menu is unnecessary. Unless people start actually eating their food or the people involved in the wedding get the waiters not to collect the plates.

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