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Cressel
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 Sat, May 27 2023, 11:55 pm
Wondering about this also. How much do government programs even cover?!! The expenses of frum lifestyle are significantly high.
Even high paying jobs don't necessarily cover all the expenses that living a frum lifestyle entails.
So curious to understand how this all works for people who are teachers with so many children!
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amother
OP
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Sun, May 28 2023, 12:10 am
| amother DarkGray wrote: | If both parents are teachers then they're not paying tuition.
Rebbeim get assistance for Yom tov like pesach |
Right but tuition certainly isn't the only expense of frum living.
Clothes for ALL the kids? (In a frum clothing store these days, you can easily spend $300 on just two outfits for one child! And that's just for one child. But then you also have to get for all other 6+ kids! And that doesn't include shoes)
Home improvements/repairs
Camp, daycamp or sleep away- always costly
Flights for seminary/Yeshvia in Eretz Yisroel
Making Simchos, especially weddings! (and they are making MANY simchos for all those kids, bar mitzvahs, bas mitzvahs, sheva brachos, vorts, ect)
Phone bills
Cars
There are so many I cannot even list them all!!!
Expenses are so high, especially when your children don’t want to be seen as a “have not” to their friends.
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amother
Emerald
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Sun, May 28 2023, 12:34 am
| amother OP wrote: | I've been pondering a question that has occupied my thoughts for a considerable amount of time, and I believe this forum could provide valuable insights. I am genuinely intrigued and eager to comprehend how Yeshivish families with seven or more children, whose parents are both teachers, manage to afford anything.
How do they successfully navigate the financial demands of raising seven or more children, particularly when both parents are teachers/working in Chinuch? (or when the husband is in Kollel and the wife teaches)
While I acknowledge the possibility of some families receiving financial assistance from their own parents, it is worth noting that these grandparents would themselves be responsible for supporting SEVERAL children. What about when their own parents are also working chinuch, teaching?!
How do these families manage to pay for all the expenses associated with a frum lifestyle and the unique challenges of raising a large family?
Someone please explain as I have been wondering about this for years!!!! |
Ok, I'll bite.
Dh is a rebbi, I am a morah. I work in a daycare center, so no tuition breaks as I dont have any kids young enugh to be with me. dh teaches in a different yeshiva to my kids, so no free tuition.
So how do we actually manage to afford everything? we really dont. its actually really hard sometimes. The hardest thing is trying to make sure that our kids dont feel resentful.
Income= total including all tutoring jobs and summer jobs etc for both of us is approx $105k
we dont pay so much tax because dh has parsonage which means that about $30k of our income is tax free.
Family - my parents and in laws give us small gifts here and there. Like a couple hundred for pesach, a hundred each for birthdays. Altogether we get maybe $1.5k from family gifts, thats it.
Our expenses...
1. non-negotiable expenses are hard, because we have no choice.
we bought a cheaper-than-average house many years ago when houses were BH cheaper, and I honestly can't imagine how any rebbi could buy right now in today s market. so we pay about $1500/month mortgage.
tuition - we are paying 7 tuitions, in our city, in another US city and in Israel.
IN our city we are paying about $4k per child, total of about $16k. For the kids who are learning out of town we are paying close to $20k altogether. BH the yeshivas are working with us well, they understand that we are in chinuch and literally dont have the money. But I am dreading the seminary stuff which hasn't applied to us yet but will do in the future...
What else? well with the rising costs of food and stuff, its really hard. Clothing is bought at sales. Two of my bochurim just asked for new hats. I hesitated long enough that they both offered to put $100 towards it. But I feel bad to take them up on it, they dont earn any money, its their meager Barmitzvah savings that they will break into...
Camp -- now thats a problem. its too expensive, so we send the kids to just one session of daycamp, and say no to sleepaway camp, which makes the kids very sad 
clothes - well I just never buy anything much for myself...
What benefits do we get?
gvt benefits -
...in my state we have the BOOST education grants, so we get $1600 towards each childs tuition.
...we used to get wic but now we have nobody in that age bracket.
...we get medical insurance for the kids but not for hte 4 of us who are over 21.
...we earn too much to get snap.
benefits from jewish orgs:
...when we made a wedding we got a check for $3k from a local jewish org towards expenses.
...sales twice a year where we can choose one yomtov dress or suit per child for $25. Thats one yomtov sorted out per child at not such a crazy price, although I do try to find clothing for cheaper than that.
... chasdei lev came to our city at last! pesach we spent $300 and got food worth about $1100, that was very helpful.
REally, its very hard financially. it s hard to know that I cant really help support my kds when they get married. but I keep reminding myself that my husband is fortunate to be teaching Torah which is a mitzvah, all day. its a worthwhile investment! (even if its hard!)
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amother
Melon
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Sun, May 28 2023, 1:42 am
| amother Emerald wrote: | Ok, I'll bite.
Dh is a rebbi, I am a morah. I work in a daycare center, so no tuition breaks as I dont have any kids young enugh to be with me. dh teaches in a different yeshiva to my kids, so no free tuition.
So how do we actually manage to afford everything? we really dont. its actually really hard sometimes. The hardest thing is trying to make sure that our kids dont feel resentful.
Income= total including all tutoring jobs and summer jobs etc for both of us is approx $105k
we dont pay so much tax because dh has parsonage which means that about $30k of our income is tax free.
Family - my parents and in laws give us small gifts here and there. Like a couple hundred for pesach, a hundred each for birthdays. Altogether we get maybe $1.5k from family gifts, thats it.
Our expenses...
1. non-negotiable expenses are hard, because we have no choice.
we bought a cheaper-than-average house many years ago when houses were BH cheaper, and I honestly can't imagine how any rebbi could buy right now in today s market. so we pay about $1500/month mortgage.
tuition - we are paying 7 tuitions, in our city, in another US city and in Israel.
IN our city we are paying about $4k per child, total of about $16k. For the kids who are learning out of town we are paying close to $20k altogether. BH the yeshivas are working with us well, they understand that we are in chinuch and literally dont have the money. But I am dreading the seminary stuff which hasn't applied to us yet but will do in the future...
What else? well with the rising costs of food and stuff, its really hard. Clothing is bought at sales. Two of my bochurim just asked for new hats. I hesitated long enough that they both offered to put $100 towards it. But I feel bad to take them up on it, they dont earn any money, its their meager Barmitzvah savings that they will break into...
Camp -- now thats a problem. its too expensive, so we send the kids to just one session of daycamp, and say no to sleepaway camp, which makes the kids very sad
clothes - well I just never buy anything much for myself...
What benefits do we get?
gvt benefits -
...in my state we have the BOOST education grants, so we get $1600 towards each childs tuition.
...we used to get wic but now we have nobody in that age bracket.
...we get medical insurance for the kids but not for hte 4 of us who are over 21.
...we earn too much to get snap.
benefits from jewish orgs:
...when we made a wedding we got a check for $3k from a local jewish org towards expenses.
...sales twice a year where we can choose one yomtov dress or suit per child for $25. Thats one yomtov sorted out per child at not such a crazy price, although I do try to find clothing for cheaper than that.
... chasdei lev came to our city at last! pesach we spent $300 and got food worth about $1100, that was very helpful.
REally, its very hard financially. it s hard to know that I cant really help support my kds when they get married. but I keep reminding myself that my husband is fortunate to be teaching Torah which is a mitzvah, all day. its a worthwhile investment! (even if its hard!) |
I appreciate your service to klal yisrael.
From the fact that your boys are buying hats, I'm going to assume that they are in the kinds of yeshivas that expect them to learn full time after marriage, and possibly don't prepare them for higher education.
Maybe your sons will marry money, but if you have daughters, you're going to be expected to kick in. Presumably you'll have a lower tuition burden once they get married, and you'll have some money to spare, but it probably won't meet their needs.
So I'm also curious about how this works. I hope you are able to continue living with dignity, but given housing and other expenses, I don't know how this is going to continue.
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amother
Emerald
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Sun, May 28 2023, 1:50 am
| amother Melon wrote: | I appreciate your service to klal yisrael.
From the fact that your boys are buying hats, I'm going to assume that they are in the kinds of yeshivas that expect them to learn full time after marriage, and possibly don't prepare them for higher education.
Maybe your sons will marry money, but if you have daughters, you're going to be expected to kick in. Presumably you'll have a lower tuition burden once they get married, and you'll have some money to spare, but it probably won't meet their needs.
So I'm also curious about how this works. I hope you are able to continue living with dignity, but given housing and other expenses, I don't know how this is going to continue. |
Exactly. I'm worried too... about how we will suport our daughters. pay for seminary. but so far Hashem has always made everything work out for us. I am sure He will continue to provide for our needs. But I do worry about my girls' shidduchim, it is clear that we cant suport them that much. As for my boys, I dont want them to marry money! They wouldnt know what to do with a high maintenance wife 
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ShishKabob
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Sun, May 28 2023, 8:10 am
| amother Emerald wrote: | I dont know.
over Shavuos I was davening and crying for clarity. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude to HKBH for giving me a husband and sons who love to learn Torah, and I was wishing that all my sons could also be teachers of Torah. But then I thought, how could that be? the only way we ever were able to manage financially was because we bought our house over 20 years ago when houses were so much cheaper. But the way it is now, I cant see how any Rebbi or kollel family could ever buy or pay rent! Prices have gone up so so much , its crazy | just want to say that Hashem is still in charge of the world even with high housing prices. Meaning if you believe it was Hashem who helped you buy the house and not necessarily because the low prices, you will have to believe that Hashem can allow someone to buy a house despite the high prices.
I know of a FRUM MD that wants to move to Israel because he can’t make it with the high tuition prices here.
A yids income Does Not make sense/cents period. It doesn’t add up. We rely in Hashem and dollars to dollars Can Not be explained.
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happy chick
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Sun, May 28 2023, 9:35 am
| amother DarkGray wrote: | If both parents are teachers then they're not paying tuition.
Rebbeim get assistance for Yom tov like pesach |
absolutely not!! I dont know what goes on in your neck of the woods, but in my community even teachers pay tuition. it may come off their salary, but tuition is calculated (more discounted as well), and then deducted from the paycheck. and if you work in a girls school, you still have to pay for the boys. and vice versa.
and yes, tuition is most likely the largest expense any frum family has (depending on the number of children - but you did say 7+). more than all other expenses together. while I dont have the asnwer to your question, I do have to say that Hashem helps in the most mysterious ways....
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