Finances of large families. Explain

amother

Mulberry

Sun, May 28 2023, 7:21 am

amother DarkGray wrote:

If both parents are teachers then they're not paying tuition.
Rebbeim get assistance for Yom tov like pesach

Both of us are teachers, but not in schools our kids can attend. So no tuition breaks. Dh is a Rebbe but it's a modern/kiruv type of yeshiva so there's no Yom tov assistance.

amother

Clear

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:23 am

My husbands a Rebbi
I work a grueling job
simply said: I can't explain it
My rent is going up significantly and deep inside I'm afraid
as it is we are carrying debt which we're not able to chisel away at - at the pace I'd like
Every month is a juggle puzzle
I try my kids should not be resentful when they need to wait for new shoes or forego on things many many kids around them enjoy [it's not always easy]
I try not to worry - to lean on our compassionate Father in Heaven
so back to your question:
for us at least - it doesn't add up on paper

amother

Amethyst

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:40 am

amother DarkGray wrote:

If both parents are teachers then they're not paying tuition.
Rebbeim get assistance for Yom tov like pesach

Very rarely does a couple have all tuitions covered.

Many schools do not offer free tuition to teachers / rebbeim at all.

Some that do limit it to one or two children.

Often they send their children to a different school than they teach in so the free tuition offer (if it exists) does not help them.

If he is a Rebbe and best case scenario, is offered free tuition - this would only be applicable for his boys (assuming he wants to send to the yeshiva he teaches in). He still has to pay tuition for all his girls.

If they teach in elementary school, even in a best case scenario, their high school/seminary/mesivta tuitions are not covered.

The assistance received for yom tov is a tiny fraction of the cost of making yom tov.

amother

Honey

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:59 am

@emerald
I’m pretty sure there are funds for seminaries. I know other families in the same city as you who both work in schools and get help with seminaries.
Plus if you work full time there is crane, pretty sure it applies to daycare also. And I think both husband and wife can get it. Registration for this year closed but maybe you can see if they’re an extension.
I agree housing is crazy. I don’t know how people do it and still manage to live.

amother

Whitewash

Sun, May 28 2023, 11:15 am

We struggle financially all year. Prioritize which bills to pay first and on time. Sometimes side job brings in some extra money that goes straight to expenses. We don’t get free tuition but a discount. Only govt help we get is insurance. We surround ourselves with people like us so kids feel normal. No luxuries. Kids get 2nd hand clothes, from non Jewish stores, Jewish stores on sale.

Cressel

Sun, May 28 2023, 5:42 pm

To all those in chinuch:

I'm also in awe by so many of you. From reading these posts, I am amazed at all of your dedication to struggle financially in such ways in order to be in Chinuch.

All of your unwavering commitment to endure significant financial hardships in order to pursue a career in kodesh education. Such unwavering dedication serves as an unparalleled wellspring of inspiration for me.

amother

Whitewash

Sun, May 28 2023, 7:33 pm

Cressel68 wrote:

This means a lot. Thank you!

amother

Hunter

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:03 pm

While my husband is in chinuch, I am not, and I earn a decent salary so we are BH not struggling.

That said, I am inspired by reading the responses of those where both the husband and the wife are in chinuch. Kol Hakavod to you! May you be zoche to tremendous hatzlacha and nachas from your students and your own children!

amother

Phlox

Mon, May 29 2023, 4:52 am

I'm married many years and have a bunch of kids bli ayin hara.
My husband is BH learning in kollel and tutoring on the side, I'm in chinuch + I do coaching.
Parnassa is hard, but we clearly see that it's min hashamayim. We don't get family help and very little in tuition breaks and yom tov gifts, but HaShem finds other ways to send what we need. We live in a neighborhood where most people live simply, so that really helps as far as social pressure. My sisters give me beautiful hand me downs that work for some of my kids and for myself.
When things are especially tough, I'll all of a sudden get a new tutoring job, speaking engagement or coaching client. It's amazing to see how HaShem takes care of us and it gives me the strength to keep on going. Does it make sense? No. Does it work? Yes! Because we are not in charge- HaShem is.

amother

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 8:43 am

I can hardly get by making 80k..... and I have just 3 kids.

Why do many people WANT so many kids with the kind of salary that they make?

I just don't understand how someone could want to have that many kids when they make hardly enough money to cover all their bills?
Is there something I am miss/not understanding?!

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 8:58 am

amother OP wrote:

It’s emuna and bitachon I’m not giving up having kids cause of money I’m not letting that stop me!! This is my future and nachas

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 9:00 am

amother OP wrote:

You are just living life from a completely different perspective. My life is about how to live joyfully as a Jew and serve Hashem wholeheartedly.

The same why finances are not a consideration in the decision to keep shabbos, eat matzah on pesach, or wear tznius clothing, finances are not part of the equation when it comes to the mitzvah of bringing Jewish souls into the world.

I buy cheaper klp foods, wear hand me downs and shop sales, but obviously wearing shorts and tees would be far more affordable. It's just not on the table because my life revolves around Hashem and not my bank account.

I will say that Hashem makes this easier for me, by making things work out somehow financially. It's not logical, but as we went from 5 kids to 10, our income went from $30k to $130k. Yes we're still struggling but not in the same league at all.

If I go through a hard patch I can remind myself that kids are expensive and challenging for 20 years but a bracha forever. They're worth every penny of the investment.

amother

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 4:01 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

It’s emuna and bitachon I’m not giving up having kids cause of money I’m not letting that stop me!! This is my future and nachas

Wow!!! I'm blown away by that perspective. That's very inspiring, I must say!

I recognize that Emunah, can empower individuals to embrace the idea of having a large family.

However, my question pertains to the financial aspect of raising multiple children.

Considering that both parents are working in chinuch, how do they manage to afford the expenses associated with raising six or more kids?

In today's day and age, purchasing a single outfit consisting of a top and skirt from a frum store can easily exceed $120.
And considering that each girl requires multiple outfits, this cost multiplies by since ALL of the children need multiple outfits.

Furthermore, the expenses associated with sending all the kids to camp, whether it's day camp or sleepaway camp, can be quite significant.

The list of individual expenses for each child seems never-ending.

Financially, are these people supported by some sort of "Rich Uncle"?!
Are they just living in thousands of dollars in debt?!

Someone please explain!

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 4:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

No they are supported by hashem. Some kids get jobs in camp to cover the expense. People wait for sales to buy full wardrobes. You buy cheap. They aren’t into companies and brands. It just goes some days are harder than others. But you can never cheshbon money no matter how much you try. I am not gods bookkeeper he’s my bookkeper

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 4:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

We just do things differently
Like your example a top and skirt are 120. We would never but that
I would get 2nd hand or went to junee warehouse sale
My kids have very little clothing

amother

Salmon

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 4:15 pm

Your premise is mistaken.
No child "needs" multiple $120 outfits.
What's wrong with hand-me-downs? or not the latest fashion?
Many girls work their way through camp or get a job in the summer.
I don't know how people make it in chinuch if they insist on keeping up with the Jones'
But I do know that if you do your best, Hashem helps.

Any income-expense is not linear. I've had years I earned more - and had bigger medical expenses. Years I earned less and had money left. We have to let go of the myth that we're in control and do a reasonable hishtadlus. What that hishtadlus is depends on you.

amother

Yolk

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 4:45 pm

Lots of girls don't have "multiple outfits"...they have just a few. Especially, considering that they likely wear school uniforms for 10/12 months of the year, they don't need that many. And lots of teens actually babysit or get other jobs to pay for things their parents can't, including clothing.

amother

Green

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 5:48 pm

If both parents are in chinuch or kollel and chinuch with a lot of kids, they are doing better than many other frum families because they are getting all the government programs plus the Jewish programs. That’s why none of them seem to understand where the money comes from.

It’s the average sized middle class families that have to struggle and count every penny.

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 5:49 pm

amother Green wrote:

Good point

amother

Broom

Mon, Jun 12 2023, 7:30 pm

Until our first got married dh was a rebbi and I was a babysitter. We both had side jobs. We had medicaid and food stamps at times (the paperwork to stay on foodstamps was a huge headache and we were not always able to prove our eligibility because of sides jobs which brought higher income certain months of the year).
We managed because we lived extremely simply. I never ever bought any piece of clothing at full price. Bh we were always lucky when searching through the sales rack, finding the right sizes, and sometimes a perfectly matching skirt and top from two different stores (no such luck these days, when I am able to afford to buy full price items). And bh for handmedowns!
It was a struggle, but we saw the hand of Hashem every step of the way.
Dhs side job became a carreer and he is no longer a rebbi altbough somehow still in the field of chinuch. I also got a real job now that I no longer have babies, and eventhough we are middleclass, our financial struggles can not compare to our early years. I dont regret it for a minute. Those were glorious years in many ways.