Double take- ready or not

amother

Cornsilk

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:31 pm

Shayna is beating herself up for not realizing earlier so she is pinning the blame on Talia. But Talia tried to tell her she was just not willing to listen

amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:33 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

Shayna is beating herself up for not realizing earlier so she is pinning the blame on Talia. But Talia tried to tell her she was just not willing to listen

Well said
Also, I see this issue come up sometimes- because asking professional advice should be done through the correct route.

amother

Petunia

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:35 pm

She herself admits that she didn’t want to hear any advice and was chalking everything up to her daughter being tired and cranky which is likely how she would’ve reacted had talia mentioned asd. I think talia did the right thing. I feel bad for Shayna but talia is not at fault here. Also shayna beating herself up is silly, right now she should focus on helping her daughter and much and she can and not on the past

amother

Daylily

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:36 pm

Even in Shayna’s take, she is angry at Talia for saying anything during her evaluation. She would not have taken the advice, and they would have lost a friendship. She was not ready to hear it, and she is pinning that guilt and angst on Talia. (Who did the right thing, because she is not qualified to diagnose. She did the only thing she is qualified to do- which was to suggest a full eval.)

amother

Cyan

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:36 pm

Ethically, Talia couldn’t have told her anything more than she did. She suggested an evaluation multiple times.

I feel bad for Shayna, but she needs to own her choices and not try to pin them on someone else. Not that I blame Shayna, I’m sure having twins is hard. But she literally asked Talia for a favor. She didn’t even take her kid for a real OT evaluation. Honestly I’m surprised Talia was willing to help her at all.

amother

Ruby

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:39 pm

I’ve been in this situation more than once. The mom is totally wrong in blaming the therapist but it’s coming from a place of deep pain.

amother

Watermelon

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:39 pm

I understood why Talia backed off, but I think if I would have been the friend and seen something glaring, I would have tried harder, or brought it up again another time. Sometimes people aren’t ready to hear something or act on in that moment, because they’re overwhelmed or not ready.

amother

Cornsilk

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:42 pm

My daughter was showing some of the signs of asd Mimi had in the story as a 2 year old. A therapist thought she had asd and without saying the word autism basically told me what she thought. It was very very hard to hear but I had her evaluated and there was nothing wrong with her she just needed some more time to come out of her shell. Bh she's blossoming now and a regular child. I think sometimes a recommendation for evaluation is needed but therapists are definitely not qualified to diagnose.

amother

Blush

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:43 pm

She could have said 'It looks to me like it might be deeper than just sensory issues. I'm not qualified to give a diagnosis, but I would recommend having a full evaluation' so that it hints to additional issues and not just directing her to evaluate as a precaution.

It would have put her in an uncomfortable position because then she would have tried to push her to say what she thinks the issue could be, but I still think it would have been the right thing.

tweety1

Sun, May 28 2023, 12:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

Curious on others thoughts on this-
I feel like Talia did the right thing, though understand shaynas frustration.

Exactly. She's looking who to blame but she can only blame herself. Talia tried telling her more than once. Shayna even says so in her narrative. She quotes the exact words Talia told her.

amother

Daylily

Sun, May 28 2023, 1:14 pm

amother Cornsilk wrote:

The main therapist and principal of my son’s preschool once suggested he had Asperger’s (and prefaced it by saying they wasn’t qualified to diagnose, but… I almost literally told them if they weren’t qualified they should be quiet). I had him evaluated- because why not- and he’s sensory with ADHD (distracted type) and he’s super shy.

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, May 28 2023, 2:10 pm

I have multiple neuro-divergent children, and yes, I was a little late in figuring it out with my oldest (was easier with the others because I had more awareness having already btdt). So I definitely understand how shayna is feeling, I get it. But she's 100% wrong. Because I know, having been there, that anyone else who noticed is darned if they do, darned if they don't. Especially outside of a professional context- which, even if Talia is a professional, she was not really working in a professional context at that time, she was doing a favor for a friend. It gets sticky there. Shayna wasn't going to take it well from a friend, she barely managed when it was coming from a morah. I remember, I felt similarly when my mother tried to talk to me about my oldest. I didn't want to hear it from mom. But how could I blame her for tiptoeing around it? It was an impossible situation, and that's ultimately on me and only me.

LovesHashem

Sun, May 28 2023, 2:25 pm

Apparently people don't like being told someone shows signs of ASD I've learned.

I try to keep quiet but I'm not always successful. It's very obvious to me when someone is neurodivergent but I understand others aren't as knowledgeable as me and aren't ready to hear that.

Plus I'm not even a therapist and I don't like sharing my diagnosis publicly because of the stigma and social repruccusions that can happen to my kids and family.

keym

Sun, May 28 2023, 2:50 pm

This is the exact reason why many people in all kinds of professions will not do informal or unofficial advice. Even for family or close friends. Because the blowback can really not be worth it

Kumphort

Sun, May 28 2023, 2:55 pm

I felt like talia could have been more explicit in her reasons for suggesting a full eval. Like, oh I noticed some patterns of Asd symptoms. Why not have it checked out just to reassure yourself. And other details. The spinning of the cars. The lack of direction etc. instead of just a generic get it checked out

LovesHashem

Sun, May 28 2023, 2:59 pm

Kumphort wrote:

People hear ASD and totally freak out though. There's still so much stigma around it.

keym

Sun, May 28 2023, 3:03 pm

Kumphort wrote:

I feel like that's an unfair expectation in a non official way.
The mother can realistically take the news very badly and badmouth Talia or some other negative repercussion.

amother

Ruby

Sun, May 28 2023, 3:03 pm

Kumphort wrote:

The mom totally wasn’t ready for that. The way they wrote the story displayed the situation very clearly. I’ve been there. You can’t tell a parent that you think their child might be autistic if they tell you “look how cutely she’s playing now!” When the kid is mindlessly spinning the wheels of a toy. The mom would have gotten angry and defensive and the diagnosis would not have been made sooner in any case.