Dh can't handle kids noise

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amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 9:34 am

It really drives me nuts. He gets so overwhelmed even by the kids talking loudly. We want more kids, but I don't see how we can if he just runs away to our room if they are loud. I need help parenting, but it is too overwhelming for him at the worst times.
He has ADHD and I know this can be common. Anyone have any tips on how to help him?

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:04 am

Sorry. My father had this, not because of ADHD, and I am still resentful over being told off for making 'noises' when I was humming to myself as a 4 y/o.

Please make the kids understand that it's Dh issue and that they are doing nothing wrong. It destroyed a big part of my creativity and self image to be told off for being a child.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:07 am

I have this TMI

can't handle all the noooooise

Would he wear earbuds? It softens the volume a little

amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:11 am

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

I have this TMI

can't handle all the noooooise

Would he wear earbuds? It softens the volume a little

I tell him to and he does at times, but he still gets upset.

amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:11 am

amother Forestgreen wrote:

Thank you. I will definitely work on that.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:15 am

You can also gently teach the kids indoor voice vs outdoor voice. There's normal noise and there's unnecessary noise. For example, there's no reason kids should be randomly shrieking shrilly at the top of their lungs just for the fun of it. It's ok and even good to teach consideration for others ear drums.

amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:20 am

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

They know that. It's not even screaming thats why its so difficult. Like when they cry from being sick or hurt or even just play quietly near him.

amother

NeonBlue

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:33 am

My dh is the same. He also has ADHD. Within the past few weeks he chose to start medication (not because of this, for the sake of his general functioning) and it has made a major difference! He told me that he just carries around less stress constantly so he can handle day to day stressors better.

ETA my mother was like this growing up. We got screamed at for regular noises like schmoozing or soft music. It made my whole home life extremely stressful growing up, and I still don’t enjoy spending time in her house.

amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:35 am

amother NeonBlue wrote:

My husband is already on meds. Has been for years...

amother

Butterscotch

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:41 am

as im reading your post, my husband (who just so happens to be taking a nap on a random sunday afternoon) rolls over and says, "why are the kids making so much noise?" Rolling Eyes

I have no advice, but when my husband comments on the noise, all I say is "you wanted them".

ETA - I started responding sarcastically, like "oh, I know its so tough. so sorry dear." its not very nice of me, but im done hearing the kvetching. grow up.

amother

Mustard

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:42 am

I tell dh all the time. If you want kids this is what you get. I don't listen to him kvetch anymore. Just let it wash over you.

amother

Sun, May 28 2023, 10:49 am

amother Butterscotch wrote:

as im reading your post, my husband (who just so happens to be taking a nap on a random sunday afternoon) rolls over and says, "why are the kids making so much noise?" Rolling Eyes

I started with the sarcastic responses too but its not great for our SB. Its just so frustrating!

lamplighter

Sun, May 28 2023, 11:05 am

There are ear buds specifically for this.
I struggle with sensory overload (noise) too. I just don't say anything to the kids about it. It's my issue to figure out.

amother

Peony

Sun, May 28 2023, 11:37 am

As someone who deals with ppl who will not tolerate noise: here a one liners never to use, but I’ll admit my sins, I have in my deep frustration.
The cemetery is very quiet….
Life makes noise

amother

Amber

Sun, May 28 2023, 2:45 pm

I want to share something interesting. For many years, my husband couldn’t tolerate the kids’ noise. A baby screaming, a kid talking in a high pitched voice, fighting. . . It all bothered him. There were times he had to leave the room or even the Shabbos table because of this. He said his head felt like someone was hitting it with a hammer.
Fast forward to recently. For other reasons, he started going for therapy due to unresolved trauma from when he was a teenager. He even faced the person who abused him and told him off to his face. And now, he feels so much better about himself and more in control of his life.
As a side point, he noticed recently that noise no longer bothers him. Now that he dealt with the major stressor in his life, he is completely unaffected by the noise at home. Is that weird or what?

NotInNJMommy

Sun, May 28 2023, 4:37 pm

Kids come with noise. If he can't handle the noise, he doesn't want more kids. Wanting something means one has to want all that comes with it too. If they don't, then they don't want it.

amother

Purple

Sun, May 28 2023, 5:24 pm

amother Amber wrote:

It makes sense. Sound sensitivity is sometimes connected to trauma.

zaq

Sun, May 28 2023, 6:03 pm

And sometimes it's related to hearing loss.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 1:08 pm

I am like your husband. How do I choose between having more kids and letting them watch tv etc to get them to sit quietly vs having more kids

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