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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Do your older kids wake you up?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:27 am
Do your kids age 10+ wake you up? I am upset that they do not respect my need to sleep. They want me to take them somewhere or get them food or some other need. I work full time every single day and rarely ever sleep past 6am. I am upset that on Sundays or whenever I do have a rare opportunity, they need me. They are old enough to take care of themselves.

How can I get my kids to respect my sleep?
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:28 am
What time do they wake you?
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amother
Goldenrod


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:31 am
They used to , BH much better.
Let them know no one came come in. There is breakfast available for you, if you need to go some where I can take you after ___. Do not wake me up before.
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amother
Honey


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:44 am
What time do they wake you up? Did you specifically ask them not to wake you up? Because if it's normal waking hours, then you can't expect them to understand on their own to not wake you if they need you. You have to tell them. But you also shouldn't be sleeping when it's normal wake time hours and your kids need you.
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amother
Diamond


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:50 am
My oldest is 8.5 and my children never wake me BH.
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amother
Antiquewhite


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:53 am
Set boundaries at night.

This is what you can take by yourself for breakfast.
These are activities you can do.

I am not taking anyone anywhere before noon/whatever designated time. If you wake me and ask to go earlier, you will not go at all. Make plans with your friends now, in advance, so plans can be made accordingly.

Please wake me if there is blood or vomit, do not wake me otherwise. If you do, I will be grumpy and the answer to everything question will be no. You want a happier, well rested Mommy. Trust me.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:55 am
amother Diamond wrote:
My oldest is 8.5 and my children never wake me BH.


Mine are the same age but it’s its because I’m awake. How are your their needs met if you’re asleep? Is your spouse or babysitter up with them?
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amother
Honey


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:56 am
amother Antiquewhite wrote:
Set boundaries at night.

This is what you can take by yourself for breakfast.
These are activities you can do.

I am not taking anyone anywhere before noon/whatever designated time. If you wake me and ask to go earlier, you will not go at all. Make plans with your friends now, in advance, so plans can be made accordingly.

Please wake me if there is blood or vomit, do not wake me otherwise. If you do, I will be grumpy and the answer to everything question will be no. You want a happier, well rested Mommy. Trust me.


Sorry, but I don't think it's ok for mom to sleep till noon and leave the kids to fend for themselves.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:58 am
amother OP wrote:
Do your kids age 10+ wake you up? I am upset that they do not respect my need to sleep. They want me to take them somewhere or get them food or some other need. I work full time every single day and rarely ever sleep past 6am. I am upset that on Sundays or whenever I do have a rare opportunity, they need me. They are old enough to take care of themselves.

How can I get my kids to respect my sleep?


Well even if Sunday is your day off you’re still a mom and that job never ends. I tell my kids don’t wake before whatever time I set . Also 10-12 is still young.
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amother
Orchid


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 9:59 am
amother Honey wrote:
Sorry, but I don't think it's ok for mom to sleep till noon and leave the kids to fend for themselves.


Not at all!
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amother
Daphne


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:04 am
amother Honey wrote:
What time do they wake you up? Did you specifically ask them not to wake you up? Because if it's normal waking hours, then you can't expect them to understand on their own to not wake you if they need you. You have to tell them. But you also shouldn't be sleeping when it's normal wake time hours and your kids need you.


she explained it in her OP. her kids are over 10, they can help themselves alone for a bit, they don't need mommy right away!!

please let Mommy sleep another hour or so, I promise they'll manage!

(signed a mother of kids ranging from 1-13. my kids 'babysit' Shabbos morning, shabbos afternoon, and Sunday morning my 10.5 yr. old 'babysits 'and only wake me if my baby needs a diaper change-feeding.)
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amother
Diamond


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:05 am
amother Blonde wrote:
Mine are the same age but it’s its because I’m awake. How are your their needs met if you’re asleep? Is your spouse or babysitter up with them?


I don't have an in house babysitter

I leave bowls, spoons and cereal out on the table the night before, and DC 8.5 pours milk for the 4.5 and 1.5 year old. The 8.5 and 4.5 year old get themselves dressed and they all play until dh comes home from shacharis
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amother
Lightyellow


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:12 am
amother Orchid wrote:
Not at all!


Children above the age of ten, as OP wrote, should be able to manage themselves in the house on a Sunday morning for an hour or two after they got up. They are not toddlers any more. Of course they need to have access to breakfast material and some reasonable way to entertain themselves. And they need to be told clearly to not wake up mom unless it's a genuine emergency.
I do that with our kids on Shabbat. Dh goes to shul, the kids have breakfast and play and I (try to) sleep.
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iluvy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:19 am
My kids are not allowed to wake me up. This is basic kibbud eim. Even my 3yo understands this. Of course she forgets / can't resist and comes to tell me something, but then she feels guilty and says "Did I wake you up?" like she's hoping I'll say no 😂

Of course I don't get upset at a 3yo who can't resist...but I would not put up with an older child waking me and I definitely would not take them anywhere or give them any special privileges that day.

Why can't a mother sleep in if she has the chance for once? My kids are perfectly well taken care of. They are in a warm/air conditioned house full of food, drinks, toys and art supplies. Why do I have to wake up for their entertainment?

OP, just validating that your older kids should NOT be waking you up, it is perfectly reasonable for you to grab a chance to sleep in if your kids are safe, and I would think if you consistently don't answer or do the thing they're waking you up for, they'll probably stop
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amother
Honey


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:22 am
amother Daphne wrote:
she explained it in her OP. her kids are over 10, they can help themselves alone for a bit, they don't need mommy right away!!

please let Mommy sleep another hour or so, I promise they'll manage!

(signed a mother of kids ranging from 1-13. my kids 'babysit' Shabbos morning, shabbos afternoon, and Sunday morning my 10.5 yr. old 'babysits 'and only wake me if my baby needs a diaper change-feeding.)


Sure mommy should be able to sleep in an hour, but not till noon! That is not ok if you have kids.
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amother
Honey


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:23 am
amother Lightyellow wrote:
Children above the age of ten, as OP wrote, should be able to manage themselves in the house on a Sunday morning for an hour or two after they got up. They are not toddlers any more. Of course they need to have access to breakfast material and some reasonable way to entertain themselves. And they need to be told clearly to not wake up mom unless it's a genuine emergency.
I do that with our kids on Shabbat. Dh goes to shul, the kids have breakfast and play and I (try to) sleep.


Yes, it's perfectly ok for mom to sleep in an hour or so. But not till mid-day. If you have kids, you don't get to sleep till noon. Go to sleep at a normal hour so you shouldn't have to sleep till noon.
And don't kids have school on sunday?
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amother
Antiquewhite


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:25 am
amother Honey wrote:
Sorry, but I don't think it's ok for mom to sleep till noon and leave the kids to fend for themselves.

Who said mom is sleeping until noon. I said we are not leaving the house until noon, so don’t wake me to pressure me to go to the park at 9:30. By saying we are not leaving the house until noon, it relieves the urgency and encourage kids to entertain themselves.
It’s amazing how people twist what is said.

There is no reason a 10 yo cannot get dressed, davin independently, make breakfast of either toast with peanut butter or a bowel of cereal, and read a book/build Lego/do an art or science kit- like a kiwi box or diamond art/play with a sibling…… they should not need to to stare at them or entertain them.
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amother
Honey


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:26 am
amother Antiquewhite wrote:
Who said mom is sleeping until noon. I said we are not leaving the house until noon, so don’t wake me to pressure me to go to the park at 9:30.

There is no reason a 10 yo cannot get dressed, davin independently, make breakfast of either toast with peanut butter or a brown of cereal, and read a book/build Lego/do an art or science kit- like a kiwi box or diamond art/play with a sibling…… they should not need to to stare at them or entertain them.


Right.
I thought you meant that they shouldn’t wake you till noon.
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amother
Daphne


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:27 am
amother Honey wrote:
Yes, it's perfectly ok for mom to sleep in an hour or so. But not till mid-day. If you have kids, you don't get to sleep till noon. Go to sleep at a normal hour so you shouldn't have to sleep till noon.
And don't kids have school on sunday?


who said till midday? reread my post, and OP's post please.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Mon, May 29 2023, 10:29 am
amother Diamond wrote:
I don't have an in house babysitter

I leave bowls, spoons and cereal out on the table the night before, and DC 8.5 pours milk for the 4.5 and 1.5 year old. The 8.5 and 4.5 year old get themselves dressed and they all play until dh comes home from shacharis


This is outside of my comfort zone. I’d want my baby’s diaper changed (which is full from
Overnight) before he eats and it fills up further. I only am not comfortable with my 8 year old supervising my 2 year old. I don’t feel he is her responsibility and don’t choose to parentify her by having her give breakfast to her sibling. BH I also work full time and am up at 6am every day but leaving young kids unsupervised isn’t ok with me
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