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Cause & effect …

Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Mon, May 29 2023, 6:57 pm

Don’t know where to put this thread so bear with me please.
Isn’t it an odd thing that an almost 3 year old wouldn’t know cause & effect ?
For instance, when the child is wet from a bath & splashing around, & I’m dry, & I ask
Is Bubby wet or dry ? She doesn’t answer ?

Or if it’s pouring outside & im FaceTiming her.
I was in my car & I said - when I open my car door bubbys gonna get all ________
& she couldn’t answer me.

I’m concerned but maybe it’s ok.
My kids did ask me if my ds was a challenging child. & maybe she takes after him?

She was a delayed speaker. But her fine & gross motor is good.

I’m thinking she doesn’t know what’s expected of her …

amother

Violet

Mon, May 29 2023, 8:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have a playgroup with 12 kids that are all almost 3 and there's a huge range.
Some kids can tell you full stories and some just a few words.
Some kids share what happened at home and some can barely answer questions when asked.
It can be she's a little delayed in that area but I don't think it's a reason to be concerned. Still normal at that age.
You can read her books and point out what will happen on the next page...

amother

Trillium

Mon, May 29 2023, 8:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

She might not understand what you're driving at, or be spaced out. I have one like that.

amother

Mon, May 29 2023, 9:15 pm

Thank you so much!
Feel better now.

I have a son on the spectrum…

amother

Fern

Mon, May 29 2023, 9:16 pm

I think some kids know at this age and some don’t. Many aren’t great at open ended questions.

amother

Trillium

Mon, May 29 2023, 10:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you so much!
Feel better now.

I have a son on the spectrum…

You can still keep your eyes open.

Truthfully, if your daughter in law is not concerned, and if you don't have a good relationship with her to bring this type of thing up, I think you should leave it alone unless you see something extreme.

amother

Mon, May 29 2023, 10:04 pm

She is concerned but I downplay it.
Good to hear some professional opinions here.

Thx

amother

Trillium

Mon, May 29 2023, 10:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

She is concerned but I downplay it.
Good to hear some professional opinions here.

Thx

I'm not a professional...
DIL can always get her evaluated if she's concerned. No harm in that.

amother

Pewter

Mon, May 29 2023, 10:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

She is concerned but I downplay it.
Good to hear some professional opinions here.

Thx

If she is concerned, don't downplay it and encourage her to get him evaluated.

Sounds like my son.

Why wouldn't you get him the help he needs as young as possible?

amother

Violet

Mon, May 29 2023, 11:22 pm

Before 3 is the best time to contact early intervention. Tell her to call and have her evaluated if she's concerned. No harm in that!
If there are issues, it can be addressed right away!

SG18

Tue, May 30 2023, 4:15 am

My daughter is very aware and still doesn't always understand what answer I'm looking for.
Especially on Facetime. It's difficult for little kids to pay attention to your environment on the phone.

amother

Tue, May 30 2023, 6:50 am

SG18 wrote:

My daughter is very aware and still doesn't always understand what answer I'm looking for.
Especially on Facetime. It's difficult for little kids to pay attention to your environment on the phone.

How old is your daughter ?

amother

Tue, May 30 2023, 6:52 am

amother Pewter wrote:

If she is concerned, don't downplay it and encourage her to get him evaluated.

Sounds like my son.

Why wouldn't you get him the help he needs as young as possible?

She did get her evaluated.
She needs OT, speech & is going to get a seit next year. But there is no definitive diagnosis

I genuinely downplay it b/c it’s so puzzling

Rachel Shira

Tue, May 30 2023, 6:56 am

Your examples aren’t concerning at all to me. They actually sound like confusing questions to a not yet 3 year old and/or some kids just don’t like or don’t do well being quizzed. If there are other concerns unrelated to this, that’s a different story.

amother

Dahlia

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:01 am

Some children can struggle with understanding questions, so it might be your gdd understands cause and effect, just not what you're saying to her. Especially if her language is delayed.
Can she play peekaboo and understand generally that things exist even when out of sight? So if her toy drops, she will look for it? Will she anticipate peekaboo, or generally anticipate that doing something will have a reaction-press a button on a toy and it does something, or anticipate a tower falling? Or enjoy ready, steady, go games?
That is all early cause and effect.
She may not be advanced enough in her thinking to understand your question, but it doesn't mean she doesn't understand the concepts. If you put her in the bath (so it's happening to her), will she know if she's wet or dry?
Do you have other specific concerns aside from these examples? I wouldn't be concerned from these examples, unless there's more you haven't said. But you and the parents of your gdd know her best and know the bigger picture and know whether to be concerned. If she goes to playgroup or any other form of childcare, have they expressed any concerns?

amother

Maize

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:45 am

I'm not a speech therapist. Just a mom who has sat in on more therapy sessions than I can count. I have no idea where cause and effect fall in terms of language development, but based on what I've seen, I tried my best at home. So this is what I'd do:

I believe the term is scaffolding. Like if it were my child, I'd be providing a lot more words and context and then ask the question. So I'd say, Oh my goodness, I think when you splash, the water flew so far it landed on me! Wow, that water made so many drips! It dripped on the side of the tub, let's look at that! And it splashed on you! And those wet drops landed on me! Look at Bubby's clothing! It isn't dry anymore! Bubby's clothing is all.... And only then, I'd prompt for the word wet. And if she didn't give it, I'd start with the "w" sound, to see if she could find the right word, and then if not I'd just say it myself.

amother

Jade

Tue, May 30 2023, 11:48 am

My 5yo still has trouble understanding cause and effect

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