We are moving and I’m so so scared

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Israel related Inquiries & Aliyah Questions

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amother

Tue, May 30 2023, 2:57 pm

Even though this process has been many months in the making I can’t believe it’s going to happen. I hear so many stories about failed Aliyahs, kids not adjusting and I’m so so nervous.
My young teen doesn’t want to go and I feel so guilty. I don’t really want to go either but also want to have a good attitude so that we go in to it in the right head space.

Reality

Tue, May 30 2023, 2:59 pm

I don't mean to hurt you, but why are you making aliyah if you and your teen don't want to?

If you are moving to RBS I'd love to help you. I moved here with teens less than 2 years ago.

amother

Olive

Tue, May 30 2023, 3:03 pm

EY invites people to live here and every moment that you are here is a mitzvah and a big zchus for you.
It is bought through hardships.
But it is so sweet and really worth it. Imagine your great gradnparents dreamt of seeing the land, and now you are coming to live here!

I give you a bracha of hatzlacha and an easy adjustement for your whole family!
You should all fall into place and find good friends!

camp123

Tue, May 30 2023, 3:05 pm

Mazal tov!!
Wishing you much success.

All beginnings are hard, and everything worthwhile in life is challenging and full of tests. Just daven, and try and be aware that you are meriting to do something generations of Jews could only dream of. Life in eretz yisroel is full of hashgacha Pratis, look out for it. Don't take no for an answer, and when things get challenging keep your eye on the goal. IyH you will have generations that merit to be born in a country full of kedusha and they will have the zechus of fulfilling the mitzva of yishuv eretz yisroel without having to give up everything you have had to, to get there.

amother

Tue, May 30 2023, 3:13 pm

Reality wrote:

I don't mean to hurt you, but why are you making aliyah if you and your teen don't want to?

If you are moving to RBS I'd love to help you. I moved here with teens less than 2 years ago.

Not hurtful at all. Very valid question. Long story short all the very important people in our life live there. I’m confident that my teen who doesn’t want to go will be happy with the life there. My dh so badly wants to go. Our social life in our home city fell apart with Corona and we need a change. We chose RBS for a soft landing (not for affordability apparently!).

amother

Tue, May 30 2023, 3:16 pm

amother Olive wrote:

Amen thank you! This brought tears to my eyes

Reality

Tue, May 30 2023, 3:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

I understand. Sounds like last minute jitters. IYH, everything will go well.

My offer to help is real! Please let me know if you need anything.

amother

Wed, May 31 2023, 6:59 am

Thank you for this very kind offer.
Did you move with school age kids? If so, are they floundering? Managing? At grade level?

amother

Banana

Wed, May 31 2023, 7:26 am

It's a big move. Take things at your own pace. No, you won't all be speaking fluent Hebrew by Channukah, and that's ok.

You're taking part in the extraordinary process of the ingathering of the exiles. Imagine what your ancestors from even a hundred years ago would say if they could see your life.

farm

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 12:54 am

Reassure your teen that all beginnings are hard no matter what and no matter where. You should have reasonable expectations- it WILL be hard at the beginning. But iyH you will all get over the hump and things will settle (and hopefully will end up wonderful and successful beyond your wildest dreams).

amother

Seablue

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 3:44 am

Don't have any advice, but want to wish you lots and lots of hatzlacha!! There are so many things that are amazing here, and it's such a fabulous place to raise children.

I remember when we moved. I didn't believe we were going ahead with it until we got on the plane. And even then it took some months until Israel felt like home. But we love it here and would never want to live in chul again. Many couples I know ended up with the spouse who was less into making aliyah adjusting so much quicker and better than the other spouse who initially pushed it. BEH you and your daughter will adjust much more easily than you are anticipating.

amother

Pear

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 3:49 am

OP, you are moving for good practical reasons (family, social life) and not just because Eretz Yisrael is our home. Hopefully you'll feel the practical benefits really soon, and that will help to calm you. Hatzlocho!

ora_43

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 5:20 am

I think being nervous is a good sign. It means you're taking this seriously and you have your eyes open to the difficulties.

If you can be less anxious, great! Potentially comforting things: lots of people have been where you are, and have adjusted successfully. While some things will be hard here, especially at first, some things will iy"H be good from the beginning. You don't need to worry about making it 'work' long-term, just focus on getting through the first year or two and then see where you're holding.

But if you stay anxious despite your best efforts, please don't be anxious about the anxiety itself. There is no one right head space and anxiety is very normal, sometimes even healthy.

amother

Babyblue

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 5:52 am

I was terrified, scared was a complete understatement. I had a very hard time adjusting. One dc had a hard time too but this dc is doing amazing now. It’s two years later and I’m never moving back to chul. There’s just nothing like it. I think fear is a good thing because it brings with it a recognition of reality. The move is so big, you literally are starting all over again from everything you knew. The move doesn’t just impact you but your dc, your future grand dc and for many generations to come. I still get scared realizing that the future is not as relatable and knowable like it was in the USA but I’m never going back. Aliyah is truly forward movement, you’ll never again have the opportunity to show Hashem what He means to you like this! Life is a ride and it will be ok.

Reality

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 5:57 am

amother OP wrote:

Thank you for this very kind offer.
Did you move with school age kids? If so, are they floundering? Managing? At grade level?

I moved with elementary and high school age kids. Some of my kids needed to repeat a grade because of the grade they were in is a super hard grade to start as a new oleh/ah. They weren't the most thrilled about that aspect to begin with, although it did not stop them from wanting to make aliyah. Once they got here, they realized how common it is for new olim to stay back a grade and it really doesn't bother them.

The first year have low expectations. I didn't care if the elelmentary age kids learned a thing. Most important is go to school, make friends and learn hebrew. High school kids obviously don't always have that luxury. I think it is really important to send to a high school that is fully equipped to handle new olim and have a separate teacher who works as your child's advocate. You need someone who knows all the zchuyot (rights) that your child is entitled to.

I know finances can be hard in the beginning and it made me really nervous shelling out so much money we didn't have, but I did not stint on paying for tutoring for any of my children last year. BH, this year I am only still paying for one child. My other kids have all caught up and are doing extremely well scholastically.

By now, all my kids have a lot of friends. My older kids have such busy social lives. They do so much volunteer work, way more hours than they are required. They joined extra after school learning groups. They have really blossomed. My younger kids are so much more independent here. They meet up with their friends and take local public transportation by themselves. They are really living the best life for kids ever!

All beginnings are hard. You and your family are going to be just fine! There are so many nice people in RBS. You can't imagine how many perfect strangers helped me out when I first moved here. I would love to pay it forward! Please don't hesitate to reach out for anything!

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 7:17 am

It will be a big adjustment.

Remember that it could take 2-5 years to start being okay with it.

If it doesn’t feel right in the beginning, that’s okay.

Moving to another city is always difficult. Let alone moving to a new country!

Good luck!

alakewoodmother

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 8:11 am

Reality,
We too are trying to make aliyah with teens, and others (doing a pilot trip this summer). How long did it take for your teenagers to make friends and feel comfortable in school?

amother

Fri, Jun 02 2023, 6:48 am

These answers are very helpful.
I have my eyes very wide open and think a lot about the pitfalls and the long adjustment period.
My kids are shy, quiet, eidel types and are slow to make friends. So they are l losing out on being one of the top students in their class, and I hope the self esteem doesn’t suffer. The school told us kids don’t have the same in class decorum as we are used to.
That’s only one of my top worries but I have a bunch, but mostly mental and financial worries

Alakewoodmother- have you chosen a community. I imagine the answer to your q is community dependent

Reality

Fri, Jun 02 2023, 7:06 am

alakewoodmother wrote:

Reality,
We too are trying to make aliyah with teens, and others (doing a pilot trip this summer). How long did it take for your teenagers to make friends and feel comfortable in school?

Half-way through the school year they had found their place socially. I'm not saying their friendships were deep then. Obviously, it takes time and shared memories to build a lasting friendship but the beginnings were there. By now, my kids are fully integrated in their friend groups. Their friends come over all the time, planned and unplanned.

If it takes your kids longer, that's totally normal. Most of my kids have a lot of personality. They are not in the "popular" clique but they are very social.

Reality

Fri, Jun 02 2023, 7:14 am

amother OP wrote:

You really won't know for sure. My quietest child I was the most worried about. This child is super strong in academics. Within a couple of months s/he was begging to be allowed to only be in regular classes. We tried it on a trial basis and it worked out great.

So you really won't know in advance which child will need the extra help. Your job as Mom is to be concerned and have your eyes open and be ready with extra help. Sounds like you are doing exactly that. IYH it's all going to be good!!

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