Will I get my sweet son back?

amother

Wed, May 31 2023, 8:54 pm

Ds 5 has been in a really bad class this year. Teacher could not control them, was very not structured and there was a lot of physical fighting from some kids with behavior issues in his class. I tried speaking to them numerous times and nothing changed. I’m the last few months he’s become really aggressive with my other children, constantly hitting and pushing and kicking. Also very disrespectful to us and not handling any disappointment. We tried finding him another place mid year and couldn’t. There are other kids in his class whose mothers also have been complaining of similar behavior from their son which they did not deal with previously. Now that the year is over (and we definitely are not sending him back to this place) can I expect him to unlearn the negative behaviors?

Ps. We are also working to rule out pandas and lyme for the behavior change but I truly believe it’s from having an awful class.

Also I feel terrible enough that my son had to suffer and consulted with many people over the course of the year and tried to give my son as much support as possible so please don’t respond if you want to say anything to bash me or make me feel worse than I already do.

amother

Silver

Wed, May 31 2023, 8:58 pm

I beleive you will get your sweet son back. He was probably so frustrated from being in that class and took it out at home. Shower him with love and hugs and positive reinforcement and daven that he'll be just fine. Then make sure next year is a better situation. I feel for you, Hatzlacha!

amother

Darkblue

Wed, May 31 2023, 10:23 pm

I had the same and made so many mistakes. Took me time to undo but bh seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
What helped was Being there for him. Allowing him to use me as his confident. Showing him complete understanding for his frustrations. Just being there for him while his volcanos erupted daily. Not judging him just pure love and understanding and care. Not looking to “be him mechanech” and teach him not to do something. He inherently knows right from wrong so its his pain causing him to act that way.
Its hard. Very hard. Many bumps im the road.
Look into attachment parenting. If attachment love and trust at home are strong then a child can weather hardships in school (lets be honest most schools dont “build” our children from within…)

amother

Wed, May 31 2023, 10:54 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

how am I supposed to deal with him violently hurting the little kids? I try being loving and caring and talking. But my other kids are becoming karbonos too …

amother

Diamond

Thu, Jun 01 2023, 1:09 pm

When he hurts other kids, hold him in a tight hug, with his hands down and tell him that he can't hurt the other kids.

Speak to him about anything, tell a story, tell him what you're gonna do when he calms more down or repeat something like "I know you are angry" or "Let's calm down together". First loud and fast (just a little louder and a little faster than him), like he does when angry, and gradually make your own words slower and more quiet. Continue speaking.

This will deflate his angry-balloon and give him a very strong feeling of trust and being protected, both from his own strength and your potential anger.