S/o helping children lose weight ⛔️ trigger warning

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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smss

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 9:47 am

The more we restrict and put foods on a pedestal (only once a week!), the more children become obsessed with them.

That said you decide what you buy and serve (though it's a good idea to at least sometimes serve all foods that your kid enjoys).

In general, putting a child on a diet or restrictive meal plan is often going to lead to higher weight gain in the long run.

amother

Poppy

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:06 am

I had a child that was a bit heavier. The doctor said something and I was worried my daughter could possibly become suicidal. She was so harsh. I honestly don’t think there’s anyway to get it across nicely. I was so grateful that she did not develop an eating disorder after that. If anything, it caused her to wanna eat more. Now she is probably the healthiest in the family. She exercise constantly and is careful of what she eats but it’s her choice. I really don’t think there’s anything to do to say it nicely to a child. Yes, you can have healthy things in the house. My skinniest child eats the absolute worst the most sugar so I should’ve told him to be healthy. Of course I should. I’m sorry, but if you only think about the heavier child, you are devastating them.

smss

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 11:47 am

amother Poppy wrote:

My skinniest child eats the absolute worst the most sugar

I notice this often as an elementary school teacher who supervises lunch.

To a very large extent, bodies will do what they're gonna do. Skinny kids don't always eat healthier and larger kids don't always eat less healthy.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 11:52 am

Actually the latest in treating pediatric obesity is to treat with drugs. Like ozempic!! Yup you heard that right. Just read ab article about it today. Nice speeches, more activity doesn't help 90% of obese kids.

amother

Moonstone

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 12:43 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

I saw those new guidelines and honestly they're so disturbing. But they're just being a pharma mouthpiece, no surprises there. Of course increased activity helps. And unprocessed, nutrient dense, gut friendly foods. But that's not going to make anyone a boatload of money so you won't hear anyone official talking about that.

Even on here when we discuss feeding all kids less junk so that overweight kids don't get singled out I get told it's too hard and not realistic and you can't control your environment.

Even if exercise and diet isn't enough for all kids, experimental drugs are definitely not addressing the root causes.

amother

DarkGray

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 2:18 pm

OP, let's assume your speaking to the child would help, we could discuss if it's worth the potential damage.
But it probably won't help. Intentional weight loss has a very low success rate in the long term.
So do yourself a favor and at least don't ruin your relationship with the child.
If you'd like, you can promote movement and increasing fruits and veggies for the entire family, but singling this kid won't just hurt, it won't work.

amother

Obsidian

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 2:19 pm

amother Scarlet wrote:

The new recommendations are harmful and are going to be revised soon.

amother

Butterscotch

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 2:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think that any message said in a loving positive way can be well received for a child with a degree of maturity and understanding.

IMHO a child who is overweight needs education about making healthy food choices and increasing activity (not forced of course) while also speaking about portion control (huge).

It can be explained in a gentle way that Hashem makes all bodies beautiful and in different shapes and some bodies like holding onto unhealthy foods more than others. It may not cause health issues right now but it may cause them to feel slow, out of breath, and tired and we want to be as healthy as possible when we are older so we have to put a little thought into what we eat even now.

Problem is, it's very very hard to actually get the message across in a loving way. It's not necessarily the wording; the subliminal message the child gets is usually negative. Unless the parent is truly accepting and its coming from a place of true love....which is very hard

amother

Sage

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 2:27 pm

My kids naturally like healthy food, and make good choices, but some really do need to gain weight which is also quite a challenge.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 2:38 pm

Here's the thing.
You actually don't know what's going on in your child's health. You're making assumptions and therefore restricting or allowing food based on externals- what the number is on the scale, how many inches of fat they have, etc.

If you were to take all your children for blood work and then based on that allow the child with x glucose numbers 3 bites of chocolate and the child with y glucose numbers 6 bites of chocolate, I can understand.
Measure cholesterol, measure sugar, measure hormone levels and decide based on the science.

But here, you're telling your child that based on his externals (hos Gd made him) he cannot eat something that his sibling whose external looks different can eat.
How is that not going to make him hate his own external, hate what he looks like and destroy the relationship with you the parent because he feels you also hate his externals.

Why are you determining that this particular child needs more restriction or more educated? Based on just externals.

amother

Bluebell

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 5:23 pm

How should we talk to our children if after every meal they want a large peice of cake ans they complain that the slices you cut are always to small. And they always take a huge slice of cake when given the opportunity.
What would you tell your child if the first time she went to the ice cream store you tell her big ice creams are sot so healthy and she wants large because that the size that socially her friend get. And she wants to keep buying large razzle because what the big deal

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 5:31 pm

lamplighter wrote:

I love this. Information is the not the difference between healthy and unhealthy people.

It’s not the only difference but it’s a difference. There’s a correlation between higher rates of obesity and cardiac diseases and lower levels of education. There’s nothing wrong with teaching our kids the basics of good nutrition as long as it’s done in an age appropriate way and to all kids equally no matter what size they are.

lamplighter

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 5:35 pm

amother Chocolate wrote:

I don't believe that there is a lack of basic healthy vs not healthy information in our community. People who eat "unhealthy" or "overeat" don't do so because they have no idea.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 5:37 pm

amother Chocolate wrote:

Is the correlation between higher rates of obesity really with lower levels of education and not lower income.
Income and education levels tend to be linked. But in this case, I'm not sure that obesity is actually relevant to education. It's more that lower income individuals end up using their money for less nutritionally dense food. (A loaf of white bread is cheaper than a loaf of whole wheat bread. American cheese is cheap than better nutritionally mozzarella cheese. A burger is cheaper than a grilled chicken salad)

amother

Moonstone

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 5:41 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Bloodwork barely scratches the surface. Every child who is overweight has some degree of insulin resistance, gut dysbiosis, sluggish thyroid, adrenal and cortisol issues, or other hpa axis issues going, whether bloodwork shows it or not.

amother

Mistyrose

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 5:51 pm

I posted this on a different thread on this topic and I'll post it again here

I was a fat kid, overweight by probably about 20 lbs. And my mother (lovingly) warned me to be careful, etc etc many times over the years. Exactly in the language OP is suggesting, just helpful 'information' about sugar and calories, etc.
I have a great relationship with my mother. I love her and I know she loves me. And...
I hear her voice in my head all. the. time. And the message I hear is that I'm not good enough, my weight is a reflection of my worth, and clearly if I'm fat it's because I don't have enough self control.
As an adult, I have struggled with my weight and over the years gained and lost and gained and lost and gained and gained and lost and gained. I'm now about 100 lb overweight.
My mother's voice in my head has not helped me at all, and if anything, has made the struggle so much worse. I always think she's judging me and judging my weight. (If my mother knew this, she's be horrified. She has no clue that she's affected me the way she has...)
And here's the kicker:
When I was 20 lb overweight as a kid, it was NOT a health issue.
But now that I'm 100 lb overweight as an adult, of course it's a health issue.

Trust me, your overweight kid knows she's overweight and she doesn't like it. The BEST thing you can do for her health down the line is to love her and help her love herself and think she's beautiful.

'Information' is not what helps kids and adults make healthy choices. Being in a healthy frame of mind where you love yourself and feel valued is what gives you the motivation to be healthy. And yes, at that point you would need the information, but on the off chance that no one has tried to shove it down your throat, you'll find it on your own.

amother

Lime

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 6:11 pm

amother Mistyrose wrote:

You are literally telling myself story.
The 10 year old on weight watchers was 10-15 lbs overweight but the grown up still suffering from my mother's lovely warnings and help is 90 lbs overweight and has struggled her whole darn life.
I am part of a weightloss program that has a support group element and every single story begins with an adult in childhood helping with their weight.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 6:15 pm

amother Lime wrote:

Same, same

amother

DarkMagenta

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 6:25 pm

I'm yet another who was put on a diet at 10 and am now an obese adult. I'm not stupid, I know full well what I should and shouldn't be eating. It's not a lack of education.

amother

Feverfew

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 6:45 pm

This is my story too. My parents put me on Weight Watchers in 6th grade with strictly controlled portions and couldn't understand why I wasn't losing weight. They even allowed me "treats" like a third of a chocolate bar to bring for snack in school. And they couldn't understand why I wasn't losing weight when I was so hungry and felt so deprived that I used any opportunity that I wasn't in their sight to eat whatever I could get my hands on. I always felt like someone was watching what I ate and judging me so I learned to eat in secret and to hoard food for when I wasn't allowed to have seconds. I am now obese with health issues because I have trouble controlling my food intake. I can't diet because I always sabotage myself. I still can't eat a meal with my parents without feeling like they're watching my food intake and I always feel unsatisfied afterwards and end up binge eating. And I know that it comes from a place of love and being concerned about my health, but that's not the way it feels.

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