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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 3:36 pm

Anon because I’ve spoken about this at length irl.

If your baby is being cared for in someone else’s home, licensed or unlicensed, and no oversight, please do you or do diligence to make sure that your baby is being cared for properly.

I do not live in or around New York or New Jersey so this is not one of those thinly veiled the lakewood threads.

I share a wall with an old woman who watches a few babies every day. She has no air-conditioning so she keeps her windows open. She speaks little to no English. She can hardly move. She was a beloved morah for many years and her families seem to send all of their babies to her without noticing the decline in her health and abilities.

The babies cry all day. I can hear them. There is no way this women can care for even one baby and she has 3.

I’ve spoken to her adult son regarding my concerns. He thinks it’s fine. I’ve shown my face so her babies parents know her neighbor is frum (we share a wall). I spoke to my other neighbors and was admonished by all, that I can’t harm this women’s parnassa. These are duplexes though, not apartments, and no one seems to get how much they cry.

My next step is speaking to the rav of her shul.

If you are a parent who sends a baby to be cared for anywhere, pop in from time to time unannounced. Speak to neighbors. Look more closely.

keeptrying

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 3:51 pm

🙌🙌🙌

amother

Melon

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 4:01 pm

amother OP wrote:

So sad to read! Crying

amother

Lemonchiffon

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 4:01 pm

Yes
My mother sent to a babysitter like this. It took her some time to wise up. Then she realized the baby's diaper was never changed.

Also not in Lakewood and with good ratio.

amother

Lightgray

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 4:03 pm

amother Melon wrote:

So sad to read! Crying

What’s even sadder is that many parents purposely send to high ratio and neglectful babysitters. There has been so much awareness lately, yet many of the babysitter factories in Lakewood stay opened.

amother

Lemonchiffon

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 4:06 pm

amother Lightgray wrote:

Right, only the health and safety of Lakewood babies matters /s

amother

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 4:07 pm

amother Lightgray wrote:

So while this lady is not a high ratio, it’s scary that she has even one baby to watch. She just cant. She’s a very sweet women! I’m sure she and her own family can’t recognize her age and decline. But the parents who send to her should be able to see that she is no longer able to move.

amother

Lightgray

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 4:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s frightening.
May all your efforts to stop this neglect, bring lots of Brocha in your life.

amother

Dimgray

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 4:09 pm

There’s a playgroup on my block that takes 40 kids to one morah plus two Mexican ladies, never lets any parents inside, kids are always coming home scratched or bitten, there’s tons of crying going on, etc etc.

and no one seems to care. It blows my mind.

amother

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 4:16 pm

amother Lightgray wrote:

It’s frightening.
May all your efforts to stop this neglect, bring lots of Brocha in your life.

Amen and thank you!

tryingmybest100

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 6:22 pm

amother Dimgray wrote:

I know of a very similar situation. I’ve asked the mothers and they say they know it isn’t good but it’s convenient bc long hours and cheap. IM HORRIFIED. Is there a local rav who can be brought aware of this?

amother

Lightgray

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 6:45 pm

tryingmybest100 wrote:

[Someone] in Lakewood had a group like this for years, and yes, rabbanim and local authorities know and don’t care.

amother

Tomato

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 6:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

Please speak up and do something. This is heartbreaking to read. Do you know the moms of the babies? Please do something.

amother

Leaf

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 7:09 pm

amother Dimgray wrote:

What’s wrong with Mexicans watching over your precious Jewish child? Would you mention that if she was sefaradish?

amother

Jasmine

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 7:15 pm

She never said anything wrong about Mexicans watching the child. All she was talking about was the ratio of adults to children

Amarante

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 7:44 pm

amother Jasmine wrote:

She never said anything wrong about Mexicans watching the child. All she was talking about was the ratio of adults to children

There was no need to state their nationality. All that was necessary was one morah and two assistants.

You really don’t see that by stating they were Mexican the obvious implication was that they were not adequate in that role because otherwise their nationality was irrelevant to their competence for the job.

Unkess there is something specific about Mexican assistants!

amother

Dahlia

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 7:46 pm

amother Lightgray wrote:

[Someone] in Lakewood had a group like this for years, and yes, rabbanim and local authorities know and don’t care.

People called the cops on [that person] and she was shut down. Someone should do the same for whoever this other lady is. It’s rly pikuach nefesh

notshanarishona

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 7:49 pm

I used to send a babysitter, one day I showed up unexpectedly and saw her by the entrance to the dirah where the laundry room was (which means she took the time to go down 3 flights of steps, lugging her laundry, turn it on and sort , etc), while leaving 10 babies unattended. That was my last day sending there. It’s not just about the ratios, you need to really vet your babysitters.
40 kids in any infant room is insane regardless of how many assistants there are, but even 1:13 is still way too high.
I wouldn’t send to bigger than 1:6 for an infant, 1:10 for a baby.

amother

Dimgray

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 7:50 pm

Amarante wrote:

Sorry, I should have just written two assistants who don’t speak any English. They’re probably kind to the children.

My bad. I apologize.

amother

Electricblue

Tue, Jun 06 2023, 8:31 pm

You’re on the right track, OP . Hopefully the rav can speak some sense into this ladies family. Or maybe speak to the parents to encourage them to find alternate care for the babies.
On the other hand, I’m very sad for this woman, too. I hope she has enough money or family to take care of her. Either way, you sound like you are doing the right thing.

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