Appropriate gift amounts

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Lakewood, Toms River & Jackson related Inquiries

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amother

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 3:37 pm

For wedding?
Bar mitzvah?
We are working but simpler type. Not fancy. We have an ok income but are trying to save for retirement and simchos so we don’t spend a lot, dress fancy or live fancy. Some of our neighbors are pretty fancy.

amother

Currant

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 3:40 pm

$18 for bar mitzvah and $36 for wedding

amother

Canary

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 3:41 pm

amother Currant wrote:

$18 for bar mitzvah and $36 for wedding

Really
In my circle (middle class) usually add a zero to the end.

amother

Currant

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 3:42 pm

amother Canary wrote:

Really
In my circle (middle class) usually add a zero to the end.

Maybe we run in different circles. In mine (lower- middle class) this is respectable. You're in Lakewood?

amother

Scarlet

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 4:06 pm

amother Currant wrote:

$18 for bar mitzvah and $36 for wedding

I think that's a little low but I guess it depends how close your are to the baal simcha.
For neighbors that are friends, marrying off, we gave $100 to the couple. But that only happens like once a year. Maybe if I would live in a development with tons of families and have these simchas every week I'd give less.

BM we give $50.
Having made BM a few times myself, that's a middle of the road amount. Not terribly cheap but not tons.
However, my boys were always thrilled with whatever amount they got even if it was only $10.

amother

Canary

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 4:34 pm

amother Currant wrote:

Maybe we run in different circles. In mine (lower- middle class) this is respectable. You're in Lakewood?

Yes, not Lakewood

amother

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 4:39 pm

amother Canary wrote:

Really
In my circle (middle class) usually add a zero to the end.

I think Lakewood is lower bec we have so many simchos… families have lots of kids etc

amother

Bottlebrush

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 4:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

I think Lakewood is lower bec we have so many simchos… families have lots of kids etc

Agree that it's lower, but $18 for Bar Mitzvah and $36 for wedding is still too low, even for Lakewood. You don't need to add a 0, but the $50/$100 mentioned earlier sounds more in line with what people do. It obviously depends how close you are to the baal simcha, and whether one or both of you is eating there.

amother

Thu, Jun 08 2023, 4:54 pm

amother Bottlebrush wrote:

I was responding to canary who said $180 and $360 or something similar.
I agree $18 and $36 sounds too low. Although we did do that when we had really low paying jobs, a fledgling business and loans to pay off.

amother

Gladiolus

Sun, Jun 11 2023, 8:19 am

In my circles, BP, it became too unaffordable to go be wedding gifts. Only really close family, such as aunts/uncles, great-aunts/uncles, and siblings, and close family friends tend to give wedding gifts. Bar mitzvah gifts- $18-$50.

I am married 22 years, am from a large extended family, and have first cousins getting married pretty often. Although we go for the meal, there is no way we can give a gift. When our neighbors marry off, we chip in to send something for the aufruf but no gift.

amother

Cadetblue

Sun, Jun 11 2023, 8:48 am

There are 2 Lakewoods…

In old Lakewood $18 and $36 may have been okay. Comfortable old Lakewood was $50 for a BM $100 for a wedding

The new Lakewood of today is $100-150 BM and $150-200 for wedding

It really depends what circles your are running in…

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