Business owner mom

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 4:54 pm

I am a business owner & a mom boruch hashem...
many times have a fight inside myself because of this. Confused

I work alone in my business, & always hope it grows & expands. but on the other hand I am scared to have too much work & not be able to be a good wife & mom to my family. as of now b"h I have only 1 little 2 year old girl, so I'ts not too bad.
I love my job, it's creative & that's what I am & love.
I have a good feeling from every item I create, as specially when a customer calls to tell me how happy they are with my creations. Smile

But many times, usually in very busy seasons with the business I wish I wouldn't have the business, so I can be a better mom. Confused

Do any of you have this dilema too?
Any advice?

shalhevet

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 6:01 pm

I used to teach, so I love having the flexibility of owning my own business.

The part I hate though is the unpredictability. I can get up in the morning and have no work, but I can't really plan my morning because at any moment the phone can ring or I can get an email offering me work. On the other hand there are afternoons when my kids are home and I have to tell them not to disturb me because I have urgent work to finish.

The great part is the flexibility when it's important. For example, if I have an appointment or something I just know only to accept work taking into account that I won't have that time. Or before Pesach I just said no to some projects.

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 6:21 pm

I am posting as amother because I don't want to be recognized and by reading my explanation you will understand why.
My daughters' principals are women and mothers who have babies frequently ka'h and they have large and busy families. They are making weddings, bar mitzvas, giving birth, etc. and you know what? It is reflected on the school. I am very unhappy and would take my daughters out of there in the blink of an eye but I have nowhere else to send them to. My oldest daughter actually teaches in a different school and she also shares with me the horrors of the principal's schedule there - today it's a child with fever, tomorrow it's her son's bar mitzva, the day after it's her older son becoming engaged, and so on. I am very happy when yiddishe mothers are making simchas, but I don't think they make good career women.

queen

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 7:41 pm

in my opinion- (speaking from experience) you can run your own business, but unless you have people working for you (which it doesn't sound like the OP does) you have to limit yourself not to get TOO big. Bec. at the end of the day, your kids come home and are hungry/need a freshly cooked READY TO EAT dinner, as well as other family obligations that work otherwise would get in the way of your being too involved with work.

Yes, there are families where the parents and kids all get home at the same time- however I don't believe that is an ideal situation.

Personally, I do have a few weeks during the year that I work overtime- approx 40-50 hours during the week but I admit it's crazy.... and it's not ideal. In general, I work approx 20 hours during the week running my own business which for me works great. Gives me the outlet I need while still being the mother and wife I wish to be. Who could ask for more?

amother

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 11:25 pm

I'm a mom with 2 kids, one 2 and one a couple of months.
I own my own business, we did over 500k in sales last year.
My husband helps me out a lot around the house and with my business. Somotimes we hire extra help during busy season but its basically me full time and my husband a couple of hours a day.
I agree w/ the ppl that say that there is no such a thing as a supermom, and will admit that something has to give. In my life, its the cleanliness of my apt, and the amount of childcare I have for my 2 yr old (about 7-8 hours a day) I make sure to get supper on the table and my kids bathed and happy... and thats whats most important.
My mom ran her own business as well, so I guess I am used to dealing w/ pressure. I am very happy with the arrangement and am glad to be able to have a flexible schedule when my kids need me.

TwinsMommy

Wed, Jul 09 2008, 11:54 pm

I'm another one who said sure, but I agree, something's gotta give. For me, it's when it's 6:00 and not knowing what to do for dinner. It's the cleanliness of the house. It's having to work every moment that my kids are sleeping instead of being able to spend more time cleaning and cooking. I'm definitely not supermom. When my kids are in school I'll be able to work when they're in school and relax and clean a bit when they're home and it will be easier--- but for now I love being a mommy and my business is not where it "should" be according to others, but that's ok with me--- I still make a decent income and have lots of wonderful customers.

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 12:38 am

anon because people may know who I am. I own a big company. I am a mother of 3 young kids B"H. I dont know how it all happened but it did. I am crazy busy over my head but theres no going back. B"H business is great but it is so hectic!! My husband helps alot with the business, kids and house. We may not have gourmet supper every night but even if its frozen pizza, everyone gets fed, bathed and put to be on time every night! I think the only one being neglected is me! (Not by DH but by me). I do have people working for me so I can be home when my kids are home but when someone leaves or needs to be off, at the last second it is my responsibility. No matter what is going on. I try to be as unbusy as possible around my kids but somehow I am usually pretty busy anyways. I hope they dont resent it! I try to be there for them and play with them as much as possible. Anyways, I guess this is just a vent in some way. Any advice?

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 8:25 am

like most people have said. I think that one person can't be %100 in many things, if there is only %100 of you to begin with. something will give.
my mother is a doctor, she had most of us while she was still studying (that alone I don't know how she did...) once she had her degree she was always working. and somehow she did manage. we always had cooked dinner and were clean and dressed and the house was clean. plus she was and still is always involved in community things. that's just the type of person she is, always looking for something new to do.
for a while it was getting me down. that here my own mother had managed (and still manages) to do so much, and I was struggling with my one little baby.
but then I realised she did have alot of help in the early days, both sets of grandparents were very involved, we would go for supper weekly, they babysat in the beginning, always had cleaning help and later on she had live in help, and my father does alot. (once I got married I had to come to terms with the fact most men don't do laundry, Wink

)
and she didn't have alot of time for herself, she's still very far from one of those women who get weekly manicures, are always shopping and decorating their home (which is what quite a few of her friends do).
and I also remember being a kid and just wanting my mother to be around, or at least a little more in tune.
my experiences as a daughter of a full time working woman, made me decide that as long as I don't have to, I don't want to work full time. right now I'm involved in outreach, so the work isn't very structured time wise, I can do it at a pace that suits me and it's pretty baby friendly.

my mother wasn't always home when we came home from school, and wasn't usually home when we had school vacation. and often I felt that I wanted my mother to be more in tune with me/us. that I wanted her to notice if I was upset. and just to be there more.
all of this has made me come to the conclusion that one person can't do everything. something has to give. ok, people talk about it being the tidiness of their homes or the quality of their dinners, but I still think that if a person has their mind and koach totally in work, it's hard to come home and then put everything into your children and husband.
I know that when I've been working on a specific project for a yom tov or something with a very defined deadline, I don't treat my child the same. I'm a bit too preoccupied to give him the attention that I usually do.
at the end of the day I think it is my child that needs me the most, other jobs can be done by anyone, but my child only has one mother.

amother

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 10:23 am

I too use to run my own consulting business. However I found b/c it was my own business, it was always on my mind, I would spend time in the evenings, sundays thinking of ways to improve my business, meeting with ct's, advertising, writing articles... With 3 young kids, I decided this year to use my experience and degree working for someone else (government type of job) although in a way there is less flexibility, I work 9-4 five days a week, but my job is really stress free, I do have benefits, 4 weeks a year vacation, float days, stat days, and I'm home by 4:30 when my bigger kids are home from school/camp. I never have to bring anything home with me or work on sundays. I feel that in the past year I have become a better mother because when I am home from work, I am really focused on the kids, in the summer everyday I take them places, go swimming with them... Sundays are really nice too. My husband always has a busy work schedule, as a lawyer he works long hours and I felt it would be hard on the kids to have 2 parents that were working long hours. Although I do have that entraprenurial side of me that loves business and being on my own, at this time on my life I feel that I am a better mother to the kids, working for someone else...

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 12:43 pm

thank you for all your replies.
Queen said:

Quote:

I do have a few weeks during the year that I work overtime- approx 40-50 hours during the week but I admit it's crazy.... and it's not ideal. In general, I work approx 20 hours during the week running my own business which for me works great. Gives me the outlet I need while still being the mother and wife I wish to be. Who could ask for more?

same by me.
I send my doughter out to playgroup at around 9:45am & then go home to be with my husband a bit, eat breakfast & then go to work at around 10:30.
my doughter finishes at 3, & then I take her & spend the rest of the afternoon with her. either by the grass in front of the house where all the other neighbors are sitting & watching their kids, or playing with her at home. while also preparing supper, then feeding her, bathing & putting to sleep.
in the evenings, after she goes to sleep I then have quite time to clean, wash laundry etc. or if I have more work, I go finish it.
I do have some weeks a year where it's VERY hectic at the business, so I work much longer hours & It's very hard. but I make sure to get more help at home so atleast the place stays nice & clean. & sometimes I'll buy supper if I didn't have time to prepare it.
But as long as it is only a few weeks a year I feel It's fine. I don't think a husband & children will feel neglected by a mother being over busy just a few weeks a year.
it was very good for me to hear that many other women run their own business too.
I'm not the only 1...
and it defenetly can be done if you know how...

ProudBubby

Thu, Jul 10 2008, 2:40 pm

TG - I think you're doing a great job! The juggle isn't simple, but it's worth it for the satisfaction & the extra income.
I've worked for most of my life - mostly in my own small businesses. Each one has given me satisfaction in it's own way (besides the extra income, which is always very sorely needed).
I find that I am a better mother & wife when I have a chance to use my creativity in other ways as well.

Now that my youngest is starting first grade, G-d willing, I feel the "empty-nest syndrome". They don't need me in the same way anymore. Although I've learned many skills, I don't have enough work in any of them, although when I do have some work in any of them I enjoy it very much.
Now I need to begin learning something that can become real, lasting & satisfying.
This way I'll be able to combine all that I have learned to help others & have Parnossa as well. (Marrying off children & having older children is quite satisfying, yet quite challenging financially).
May we all share only simchas with a happy heart!
sorry for my stream of conscousness here...just thinking out loud (on paper, that is)...