Lending/giving away clothes: part rant, part advice

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Forum -> Household Management

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chen

Tue, Nov 29 2005, 12:53 pm

Those of you who lend out or give away your children's (or your) outgrown clothing--do you pay attention to how you present it? You should!

When my eldest was born we received a flood of offers of secondhand clothes--but there was a world of difference between givers. Some people delivered bags of clothes that looked almost as if they had come back from a professional laundry, everything in excellent condition and so beautifully folded and neatly stacked that it was almost a shame to unfold them to see what they were Smile

.

Other people, on the other hand, were downright insulting: heaps of stuff thrown into a garbage bag helter-skelter, unwashed, wrinkled, stained, torn, worn-out, stretched-out, covered in poster paint...the stuff in my shmatte bag looks better! Occasionally there would be something that was actually in decent condition but looked awful because it had been indiscriminately stuffed into the sack. It was as if these people just wanted to get rid of their shmattes and we were a convenient dumping ground.

The only reason I wasn't totally demoralized was that I didn't actually need the hand-me-downs. I was pleased to be able to save the money as well as the bother of shopping, but I could afford to buy new if necessary. OTOH, if I had really been unable to afford new clothes and had had to depend on what I was given, I'd have been deeply offended. Just because a person is poorer than you doesn't mean you can treat them with disrespect. To give someone a bag of clothes that looks like what the sanitation department hauls away is an incredible slap in the face. It's like giving someone tzedakah by throwing the money into the mud in front of them.

Please, when you give things away, make sure you are treating the clothes, and by extension the recipient, with respect. Just because a person is not rich doesn't mean she wants to dress her children in torn, stained or stretched-out clothing. Just because she is poor she shouldn't have to iron clothes that you cavalierly crushed into an untidy heap. On the contrary, you should be extra careful of her dignity, making sure the clothes are in what you would consider good condition and presenting them as attractively as possible.

happyone

Tue, Nov 29 2005, 1:02 pm

good point! Thanks for making me aware of this. I give away all my old childrens old clothes and will definately make it a point to present properly.

Smile

613

Tue, Nov 29 2005, 2:35 pm

I had a few things to give away recently. I called the gmach here and they said that all donations must be in EXCELLENT condition and in-style for the exact reason you gave- they don't want to insult the people who they give these items too.
so, now what am I supposed to do w/ all the clothes that have these little stains... I'm sure some person somewhere wouldn't mind wearing it.

shanie5

Tue, Nov 29 2005, 3:15 pm

nope 613- no one wants them. its just very hard for us to throw away something we either have good memories of (my dd looked soooo cute in this, I'm sure so and so would love it even if it is a bit stained), or that we paid good money for.

because I sew, people give me slightly ripped items, broken zippers, torn hems etc. I usually thank them politely and toss it out after they leave.

try this criteria "if it was given to me in this condition- would I want/use it?) if the answer is no-TOSS IT OUT!!

Henya

Tue, Nov 29 2005, 9:08 pm

try this criteria "if it was given to me in this condition- would I want/use it?) if the answer is no-TOSS IT OUT!![/quote]

Quote:

thanks for this guideline.I'm packing to move & have a hard time throwing things out. If I really haven't used something in along time, my only comfort is that it's going to someone who needs clothes. But, you're right. If it is stained or really old & I don't want to wear it , why should someone else?

Henya

Tue, Nov 29 2005, 9:09 pm

oops! I haven't quite figured out the quote feature & didn't highlight the right thing!

BrachaVHatzlocha

Tue, Nov 29 2005, 9:33 pm

someone gave me some clothing. a lot of it was really nice, a few not so nice. but I appreciated it and picked out what I'd use. if there was a slight stain, sometimes a good washing (with good detergent) helped

Tefila

Tue, Nov 29 2005, 9:43 pm

Quote:

as if they had come back from a professional laundry, everything in excellent condition and so beautifully folded and neatly stacked that it was almost a shame to unfold them to see what they

Yes I agree, eigther one gives with dignity in a dignified manner or don't give at all Exclamation

gryp

Tue, Nov 29 2005, 10:09 pm

Chen, thats a really nice post. thank you for pointing it out.

chen

Wed, Nov 30 2005, 8:05 am

Thanks, ladies! Now in re: those slightly-stained things you can't bear to toss (after you've tried some straight hydrogen peroxide or bleach right on the stain), some salvage ideas:

1. If it's just one or two little stains, cover with an applique, sew-on or iron-on. Or embroider over if you're really into that, or cover with a fabric-paint doodle.

2. For the crafty, take apart reusable elements like buttons and trim and use for various arts & crafts projects.

3. For the real sewing nuts, cut out good portions of the fabric and make into a patchwork quilt, vest, apron or similar item.

4. If it's 100% cotton, esp. cotton knit--these make the finest shmattes in the world for everything from dusting to polishing jewelry.

amother

Wed, Nov 30 2005, 8:10 am

When I was in grade school, whatever wasn't given away went into the ragbag. One year our teacher taught the whole class how to embroider challah covers. Mine was all messy on the reverse side, and I wanted to make a lining to cover it up. In the ragbag I fouind a nice-size piece of fabric that happened to have been part of an old shabbos dress of mine. I still have the challah cover nearly 40 years later, and the lining still reminds me of the very pretty dress I so enjoyed when I was young.

Meema2Kids

Wed, Nov 30 2005, 8:12 am

With a light stain on light clothing you can sometimes sun it out too.

realeez

Wed, Nov 30 2005, 7:16 pm

613, try this - it almost always works - even from the "yellow" on baby clothes that were put away.
spray it with oxyclean/shout the sprinkle it with the powdered oxyclean. then soak it for a couple of hours. it works well on colours - although some clothes say not to use non chlorine bleach so it may mess those up.
sometimes you need to do this a couple of times.

He*Sings*To*Me

Sun, Dec 25 2005, 4:01 am

Chen: Excellent Point! Thanks for launching this thread!

With some of the comments regarding throwing less-than-perfect clothing items out because no one else would want them, I have to respectfully disagree. I have salvaged a good number of clothing items with many of the same ideas that one of the previous posters mentioned.
I think that Oxy-Clean is probably one of the best laundry products on the market...but, simple hydrogen peroxide will do almost as well.
Another great product that I grew up using is Fels-Naptha laundry bar soap...great for stains.
Also, I enjoy ironing, and find that even my hand-me-downs from others/gently-used, eBay childrens' knit clothing looks so much nicer when given a once-over with a warm iron. (I've even ironed socks once or twice, although I felt a little silly...they were matching socks with my daughter's jumper/shirt/hairbow, and it really did make her look well-put together at the dear old age of 4! LOL)

sarahd

Sun, Dec 25 2005, 5:40 am

Chen, you are so right. I assisted at a clothing drive a couple of times, and you can't imagine the garbage that people gave us....and this was one of those drives where people paid for shipping their donated clothing, so you'd think they'd give stuff they knew would be used. Well, we got "brand-new" stuff, with the tags still attached...from Mays, A&S and Gimbels. When did those department stores close down - 25 years ago, or was it 30? We got stuff that reeked of people's basements, dirty, stained, torn stuff. Well, if people wanted to pay us to throw out their shmattes, ok.

Tefila

Sun, Dec 25 2005, 12:13 pm

Quote:

Well, if people wanted to pay us to throw out their shmattes, ok.

raizy

Mon, Dec 26 2005, 11:14 pm

u all helped me without even knowing it. yesterday I spend two hrs going over all my old cloths getting ready for the baby. I ended up with one huge bag of cloths that I dont need I told my hubby to chuck it out. if I dont like the condition why would someone else. well I am happy to know that I did the right thing.

after my kids go through their clothes I dont even want them so why would someone else. they cut it . glue it . paint it.. silly putty it.

my daughter just ruined 3 shirts with silly putty. . I banned that stuff from my house but she plays with it in school . if she ruins one more thing I will make an offical complaint to her teacher...

mali

Wed, Dec 28 2005, 3:26 pm

American/European second-third hand clothes look better than clothes that we buy here, after a few washes. Most Israeli-made clothes (besides for the real expensive ones, that an average family can't afford) are real Shmates. When I get American hand me downs, they last forever. And if they're just slightly stained, with a little scrubbing and sun, the stains come out and it's usually worth the effort. When I lived in America, I also had the throwing-out mentallity, because clothes are so cheap there. But here we think three times before dumping something.
So if any of you out there have good clothes that you feel bad throwing out, even if they're somewhat stained, or their zippers are broken, (not torn, or worn out, or yucky looking - only something that you would put on your kid if it was fixed) PM me, and I'll try to find someone to bring it to Israel. You can make many families happy.

He*Sings*To*Me

Thu, Dec 29 2005, 6:03 pm

Mali, thank you for putting this into perspective...my dh and my sisters all think I am such a packrat----if something has any redeemable quality I just cannot bring myself to toss it into the rubbish bin!
I agree that European-made clothing seems to "outlive" other countries' clothing...anyone know why? (I am curious...I wonder if it has to do with a special method they manufacture their textiles by...does anyone know?)
We've had a few people give us clothing, but they all have presented it to us having been laundered and folded...then, proceed to apologize because they hand it to us in a brown paper sack or box...it's so touching...but, even though I am a breast-feeder, a couple of my children have had to have supplementary feedings by pareve formula, which is soy and it does stain terribly! I've salvaged many a clothing piece just by treating, retreating, and then pretreating before actually tossing it in the washing machine...so far, I haven't really given anything away, since I keep having babies, but from child-to-child things have been salvaged just thru good fabric care.

raizy

Thu, Dec 29 2005, 11:34 pm

I am up to baby number five . how many kids can one piece of clothing last. I am happy that it lasted me four kids. and now I am throwing everything out when my baby is finished useing it.

lets make the next baby feel "wanted"like a first baby Very Happy

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