WWYD - parent pulling out of camp/babysitting last minute

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:37 am

My teen DD has had this situation before twice with the same family The first time, she was asked by the mother to babysit for x amount of hours and when she arrived, the father was there snd told her that in the end, he doesnt need her the whole time and he would be back much earlier (think like 3-4 hours earlier). In the mes time, DD had turned down a different job because she was committed to this one. I reached out to the mother just to clarify what her DH said (DD asked me to bc she thought she may have misunderstood the father who speaks a different language) and when the mother confirmed, I told her that DD had turned down a different job to accommodate hers and perhaos she could pay her at least partial of the time she backing out on. In the end, they decided to keep her the whole time.

Now again, same family signed up a month ago for DDs backyard camp she is making. They factored in the child, bought supplies for the child, possibly even turned down others because they had reserved the spot for the child. First day of camp comes and child doesn't show up. I reached out to parents and they said that they had some changes and sorry they forgot to tell us but it's not financially worthwhile for them to send their child to camp in the end.

wwyd?

scruffy

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:38 am

This is a question for a rav, but pretty sure halachically they have to pay..

amother

Butterscotch

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:41 am

They can’t just not show up. They need to dina a replacement or cover the money loss. I would stop allowing this family to sign up for camp or hire her to babysit.

Ema of 5

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:41 am

scruffy wrote:

This is a question for a rav, but pretty sure halachically they have to pay..

Yes, or find someone else to fill the spot.
Also in the future, I would either avoid dealing with this family or get everything in writing, even a baby sitting job. Once there is a written commitment it’s harder to just back out.

amother

Green

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:43 am

I pulled my kid out of camp a week in cuz I wasn't satisfied with how the camp was running, I paid for the entire half that my child didn't go to. You should definitly have them call a Rav.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:43 am

they don't sound like the type of ppl to own up and you prob have to chalk this one up to a loss. BUT, for future - no babysitting jobs unless you are flexible abt cancellations/cut short and no daycamp slots unless they give a big non refundable deposit for their slot. a lot of daycamps do this. personally, my daughter made a camp this yr and a parent backed out the night before she paid for the first wk, and found someone to take over her slot by the 2nd week. and no, my daughter didn't have to ask/beg for it. the person offered it as basic decency

WhatFor

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:45 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

Or take a nonrefundable deposit/ full payment up front. Or tell them you'll keep them in mind if there's availablity, but due to past experiences will bump them if anyone else needs your services.

watergirl

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 7:45 am

scruffy wrote:

This is a question for a rav, but pretty sure halachically they have to pay..

This. And moving forward, your daughter should not accept jobs from this family.

Bnei Berak 10

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:12 am

Cancellation policy in writing plus pre-payment.

amother

Birch

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:16 am

My DD also had this with a neighbor. After the second time we told her that she is not allowed to accept jobs there unless it is really last minute (so nobody else will ask) and she is bored and won’t care if they cancel.

amother

Dimgray

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:26 am

Your dd needs to not accept any jobs from that family.

They are absolutely required to pay up but they clearly have issues and it’s likely not worth fighting with them.

Spread the word that she has an open slot, there’s possibly someone who would be so happy to take it even at the last minute.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:39 am

Dd had this with a Tisha B’Av camp a couple years ago. A mother signed up 2 kids two weeks in advance, and then the day before Tisha B’Av, she canceled them both because an opportunity opened on her block. Dd had already shopped all the supplies and could not fill those two slots anymore. I have never seen anyone prepay any money for a Tisha B'Av camp.

amother

Stoneblue

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:54 am

I think this is pretty common.
Not saying it's right.
But I do classes. People will sign up and back out and forget to tell me.
And yes, it's frequently the same families.
I just chalk it up to "that's business."
Those people are either disorganized, forgetful, or clueless about what goes on the other side. Also, they don't have an appreciation for how their actions are perceived or that they may be liable to pay.

Many years ago, I was trying to organize a class for a certain age group. I needed 6 kids to make the class. One mother told me her daughter wants to come, and as a result, her 3 friends would join. So thay made 4. I had 2 other kids and we confirmed the class.
The night before, the mother said that the time wasn't good, so I went and changed the time to a time that would work for her. This was in the days before texting so every change required me to call each person.
The morning of the class, the mom told me her daughter decided not to do it after all. Her 3 friends followed suit. Just like that, the class fell apart. I remember feeling shocked that the mom could just let her daughter do this. I assumed she was dysfunctional.
Many years later, this lady was my son's assistant morah. She was all friendly. I could never look at her as if she was a normal person because of that incident.

mommyhood

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 9:00 am

My kids backyard camps started requiring a deposit and head checks because people would back out or send and 'forget' to pay. It's very hard for teens to stand up for themselves and even harder when they don't have leverage.

amother

Snow

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 9:01 am

I scheduled a babysitter for a night out with dh, and had a baby the morning of our scheduled date.

I canceled the babysitter.

Since then she's never been available. Reading this thread makes me wonder if she's never available because I canceled that time.

:/

ddmom

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 9:03 am

Not worth fighting for this week.
Next time she makes a daycamp ask for $100 deposit at sign up from every single camper. No deposit, no confirmed slot.

And in the future, tell lady that once your daughter accepts babysitting job she's responsible to pay her even if plans change at last minute. She won't book until she knows her plans for sure.
Unfortunately some ppl are inconsiderate and especially towards teenagers.

CatLady

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 9:03 am

Going forward, your DD needs to have a contract for each camper, along with a non-refundable deposit of at least 25% of the fee. (I'd suggest 50% but that's her decision as a business operator). Also, this family should now be on the "no-fly" list. Don't even wait for the third strike before they're out!

ddmom

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 9:05 am

amother Snow wrote:

Not if you told her you had a baby that's a pretty good excuse! LOL

groovy1224

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 9:10 am

amother Snow wrote:

This is clearly a very different situation.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Aug 14 2023, 9:16 am

Once a person flakes on me, I just mentally put them into the flake category and make sure never to rely on them again.

It doesn't mean that I shun them or anything. But I never make any decisions based on their input or assurances again. So, if I'm trying to organize a certain activity, for example, and I want a minimum of 6 participants, I will not count the flakes towards the minimum when it comes to deciding whether to do the class or not do it. If I get 6 non-flakes, then I'll proceed with the activity and the flakes can come or not come. If I get 4 non-flakes and 3 flakes, I just won't do the activity.

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