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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names
Ever feel regret after giving a baby name
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Aug 28 2023, 8:33 pm
There is a lot of talk on here about baby names, do you always prepare names in advance? Are there times that you gave a name and after was like, what was I thinking??? Y did I give that name over another?
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Mon, Aug 28 2023, 8:46 pm
Yes! Felt unsure but was rushed into picking a name and just went with a great grandparent’s name. The name felt so wrong and I was so upset about it. Didn’t stop stressing for several months. It has grown on me a lot by now - the baby is one.
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amother
Teal


 

Post Mon, Aug 28 2023, 8:49 pm
I don't have a physical list of names I like, but each time I've gotten pregnant, I've had a top 3 - 4 list for each gender in my head. After finding out the gender, I soon get a forerunner from that list, but still say to myself "I'll have to see the baby before I decide". Every time though, I have ended up giving the name that was the forerunner for most of the pregnancy.

I haven't regretted any of the names I've given, but some names that were "on the list" but not used for one child, are no longer "on the list" for a potential new child. I don't didlike them, I just don't love them anymore.
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happy chick




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 28 2023, 11:06 pm
Never. Even the one we changed the name at the last minute after the baby was born even though we had discussed another name before. It's all from Hashem and whatever name we decide is what Hashem wanted.
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amother
Tan


 

Post Mon, Aug 28 2023, 11:11 pm
We don’t discuss names beforehand. There was one I was upset about, but it wasn’t because of the name given, it was because of the name not given. We had two people in mind to name after, and they had one name in common. We weren’t sure how to do it so we asked and were told to only give the common name. I was (and still am, over 10 years later) sad that we didn’t give one of the full names.
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amother
Wandflower


 

Post Mon, Aug 28 2023, 11:43 pm
I regret not naming exactly after my mom - at the time it felt too much for me so I gave a similar name, but now I know my daughter I wish I had given her the actual name.

And I have one boys name I always wanted to use for my youngest, but when he was born I just didn't think it suited him so I chose a completely different name I thought I didn't like at all - but it's perfect for him and no regrets...
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amother
Lavender


 

Post Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:04 am
My DH became Lubavitch a few years after our marriage and it was very difficult for me. I still don't wear a sheitel, despite his badgering. Of course we named our son Menachem Mendel (we also have some other admorim in the family...). I tried to force myself to like the names, but I'm still not 100% at peace with it...
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allsmiles




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 30 2023, 3:25 am
We named our second after a grandfather and I was very excited. After he was born I had a couple months of freaking out that I didn’t like the name…
Don’t know where it came from- probably hormones- and now that he is 15 months I couldn’t be happier- his name (and nickname) suit him so well!
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amother
Hyacinth


 

Post Wed, Aug 30 2023, 1:15 pm
This is a complex question for me to answer as I do and don’t regret it at same time . Perhaps regret is wrong word. My grandmother is a Holocaust survivor. When my son was 5yrs old she told me every time she sees one of her grandchildren at this age all she sees is her cousin that was on the train to Auschwitz’s with her and her whole family told her to take care of her 5yr old cousin as she’s a healthy teenager and nobody will bother her (they didn’t know how the selection really worked). My grandmother said she was holding on to her 5yr old cousins hand exiting the train the rest of her family was whisked away in an instance and she held on to her cousin but obviously he was sent to the left and her to the right. She snuck over twice to the left to be with him but was caught both times and sent back to the right and all she sees when she sees a grandchild that age is her cousins face screaming for her. This was a story nobody knew or ever heard before and I knew I had to name my next son after her cousin to bring her some Nechama. It’s a yiddish name that is not used in my litvish community but I knew I was going to do for my grandmother anyhow and call my son by his second name which isn’t as bad …. when my next sons Bris fell out the day my grandmother arrived in Aushwitz and her cousin was killed, it was obvious this should be the name so I can’t say I regret it. However my son who has to live with the name expresses upset about it. He overheard the story of who he was named after at too young of an age and was totally traumatized he was named after a 5yr old that was ripped away from his family and gased to death. He heard it way too young and woke up with nightmares for a long time because of it. He is also the only one in the family with a Yiddish name (all his siblings have names from the Torah ; moshe /yaakov….) and it really bothers him that he doesn’t. Because he overheard the story of who he was named after at such a young age, trying to tell him why his name is so special doesn’t work as he associates it with trauma he experienced when hearing the story (he was way too young). So do I regret it ? I know it was important for my grandmother and I’m happy I was able to do that but at the same time my son holds a lot of trauma , anger and resentment towards his name so I can’t say that I’m happy with giving him this name….
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amother
Diamond


 

Post Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:50 pm
I named a name I don't like because dh wanted so badly to name after relative with that name. I didn't want to deny him that and I don'tregret it. But I still don't like the name, it never grew on me. I actually mostly call this child sweetie, pumpkin face etc because it's hard for me to use the name.
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amother
Darkblue


 

Post Wed, Aug 30 2023, 2:54 pm
One of my kids has a double name and is called by both.
I somewhat regret not going with one.
Some ppl call him one name, some the other. It just a little complicated.
I do love both names tho...
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Wed, Aug 30 2023, 3:02 pm
amother Hyacinth wrote:
This is a complex question for me to answer as I do and don’t regret it at same time . Perhaps regret is wrong word. My grandmother is a Holocaust survivor. When my son was 5yrs old she told me every time she sees one of her grandchildren at this age all she sees is her cousin that was on the train to Auschwitz’s with her and her whole family told her to take care of her 5yr old cousin as she’s a healthy teenager and nobody will bother her (they didn’t know how the selection really worked). My grandmother said she was holding on to her 5yr old cousins hand exiting the train the rest of her family was whisked away in an instance and she held on to her cousin but obviously he was sent to the left and her to the right. She snuck over twice to the left to be with him but was caught both times and sent back to the right and all she sees when she sees a grandchild that age is her cousins face screaming for her. This was a story nobody knew or ever heard before and I knew I had to name my next son after her cousin to bring her some Nechama. It’s a yiddish name that is not used in my litvish community but I knew I was going to do for my grandmother anyhow and call my son by his second name which isn’t as bad …. when my next sons Bris fell out the day my grandmother arrived in Aushwitz and her cousin was killed, it was obvious this should be the name so I can’t say I regret it. However my son who has to live with the name expresses upset about it. He overheard the story of who he was named after at too young of an age and was totally traumatized he was named after a 5yr old that was ripped away from his family and gased to death. He heard it way too young and woke up with nightmares for a long time because of it. He is also the only one in the family with a Yiddish name (all his siblings have names from the Torah ; moshe /yaakov….) and it really bothers him that he doesn’t. Because he overheard the story of who he was named after at such a young age, trying to tell him why his name is so special doesn’t work as he associates it with trauma he experienced when hearing the story (he was way too young). So do I regret it ? I know it was important for my grandmother and I’m happy I was able to do that but at the same time my son holds a lot of trauma , anger and resentment towards his name so I can’t say that I’m happy with giving him this name….


Wow, what an amazing thing you did. Your story made me cry! May all your kids give you (and your grandmother) lots of Nachas whatever their names are Smile
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Wed, Aug 30 2023, 3:04 pm
amother Cobalt wrote:
Wow, what an amazing thing you did. Your story made me cry! May all your kids give you (and your grandmother) lots of Nachas whatever their names are Smile


ETA, As your son becomes older I hope he will grow to love his name. I don’t think you could’ve foreseen he would be upset by it. In my family my sister has a super unusual weird name, and I’m Sarah. We both love our names. I wouldn’t have loved having her name and she wouldn’t have loved mine!
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amother
Hyacinth


 

Post Wed, Aug 30 2023, 3:39 pm
amother Cobalt wrote:
Wow, what an amazing thing you did. Your story made me cry! May all your kids give you (and your grandmother) lots of Nachas whatever their names are Smile


Amen and thank you. How old do you think a child has to be to appreciate the history of his name ? I had anticipated that probably around the age he is now (13) he would be able to appreciate it. I’m assuming because he was made aware of the history way before his brain was able to comprehend (not than any of us could comprehend) but in his mind at age 4 when he heard it he couldn’t possibly understand, he asked me why bubby didn’t call the police when they tried to take her cousin away and then I had to explain to him that the police were also bad so it was trauma upon trauma that no 4yr old should be exposed to… I don’t know if it will just take longer, if 13 is still too young anyhow, or if he will never make peace with it because he has so much trauma associated with it . He tells me he’s going to legally change his name at 18 I think it really haunts him. I gave tryex telling him that he’s really named after hubby’s grandfather (who the 5yr old cousin was actually named for) but he was exposed to the story and traumatized (no 3yr old in our world today can understand that you can’t call 911 to stop a robber or a killer that’s what gives them security. For a 4yr old to hear no adult or policeman can save a child is too scary ) I think he will always associate his band with trauma now but I hope not… what age do you think he should mature to appreciate it?
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Wed, Aug 30 2023, 3:41 pm
Yes I regret it. I felt extremely pressured by my parents and didn't have the emotional energy to deal with their reaction if I didn't (I had seen the way they reacted to my siblings who didn't use the name).

My regret only grows as my child gets older and I can't believe I gave such a horrific name.
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Mon, Oct 16 2023, 6:37 pm
I’ve wanted to name my baby this ever since I can remember. So, I for sure won’t regret it. It’s so fitting for her.

Last edited by amother on Mon, Oct 16 2023, 7:39 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Mustard


 

Post Mon, Oct 16 2023, 6:43 pm
amother Hyacinth wrote:
Amen and thank you. How old do you think a child has to be to appreciate the history of his name ? I had anticipated that probably around the age he is now (13) he would be able to appreciate it. I’m assuming because he was made aware of the history way before his brain was able to comprehend (not than any of us could comprehend) but in his mind at age 4 when he heard it he couldn’t possibly understand, he asked me why bubby didn’t call the police when they tried to take her cousin away and then I had to explain to him that the police were also bad so it was trauma upon trauma that no 4yr old should be exposed to… I don’t know if it will just take longer, if 13 is still too young anyhow, or if he will never make peace with it because he has so much trauma associated with it . He tells me he’s going to legally change his name at 18 I think it really haunts him. I gave tryex telling him that he’s really named after hubby’s grandfather (who the 5yr old cousin was actually named for) but he was exposed to the story and traumatized (no 3yr old in our world today can understand that you can’t call 911 to stop a robber or a killer that’s what gives them security. For a 4yr old to hear no adult or policeman can save a child is too scary ) I think he will always associate his band with trauma now but I hope not… what age do you think he should mature to appreciate it?


What’s done is done. Does he have to wait till 18 to change his name legally? Can you let him do it now?
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amother
Anemone


 

Post Mon, Oct 16 2023, 6:54 pm
amother Hyacinth wrote:
Amen and thank you. How old do you think a child has to be to appreciate the history of his name ? I had anticipated that probably around the age he is now (13) he would be able to appreciate it. I’m assuming because he was made aware of the history way before his brain was able to comprehend (not than any of us could comprehend) but in his mind at age 4 when he heard it he couldn’t possibly understand, he asked me why bubby didn’t call the police when they tried to take her cousin away and then I had to explain to him that the police were also bad so it was trauma upon trauma that no 4yr old should be exposed to… I don’t know if it will just take longer, if 13 is still too young anyhow, or if he will never make peace with it because he has so much trauma associated with it . He tells me he’s going to legally change his name at 18 I think it really haunts him. I gave tryex telling him that he’s really named after hubby’s grandfather (who the 5yr old cousin was actually named for) but he was exposed to the story and traumatized (no 3yr old in our world today can understand that you can’t call 911 to stop a robber or a killer that’s what gives them security. For a 4yr old to hear no adult or policeman can save a child is too scary ) I think he will always associate his band with trauma now but I hope not… what age do you think he should mature to appreciate it?


I think I would do some natural treatments to release the trauma. There are different modalities and in this case I really feel it would help him make peace with his own name.
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amother
Hyacinth


 

Post Mon, Oct 16 2023, 7:05 pm
amother Mustard wrote:
What’s done is done. Does he have to wait till 18 to change his name legally? Can you let him do it now?


He can’t change his name , he was named at his bris and that is forever his name. He can try to change it legally when he’s 18 I suppose but it won’t help much his name will always be what he was named at his bris, every Aliyah he has, every misheberach, on his Kesubah his name can’t be changed it is what it is. Vekara shmo biyosroel and the name was given, there’s no way to take it back, it’s his name.
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amother
Antiquewhite


 

Post Mon, Oct 16 2023, 7:09 pm
Two of my kids were named after relatives with yiddish names. My husband doesn't believe in using yiddish names so we used the Hebrew version. Except he insists on pronouncing them grammatically correct instead of current common pronunciation. Very awkward. So I wish we just used different names. For their sake.
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