Do you discuss these things with each other

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Seafoam

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 12:57 pm

ftm1234 wrote:

I think the bolded is a bit extreme.

I consider myself one of those people that "leave finances fully up to my husband".

However, there's no such thing as doing what you mentioned.

The least you do is say beforehand "I'm going to make xyz purchase on xyz date."

I agree
I thought imamother demands wives have unlimited credit cards..

ftm1234

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:07 pm

amother Seafoam wrote:

I agree
I thought imamother demands wives have unlimited credit cards..

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:11 pm

Joint finances. Of course discuss. If something is a great deal and the other party is unreachable or a quick "chap" like a dansdeals, one of us may buy it and then confirm but generally we talk prior. It helps that we both have similar viewpoints on saving and spending. Maaser is an Excel spreadsheet. 10% of all income after major deductions (childcare, rent/mortgage utilities etc) goes into the "in maaser" cheshbon and all donations go into the "out" column. Generally smaller donations we just take off the spreadsheet without confirming an OK since we have the maaser anyway, but if it's an expensive month (ie yom tov season or simcha) we confirm with each other since we don't want the credit card bill to be so high.

amother

Gold

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:17 pm

amother Seafoam wrote:

I agree
I thought imamother demands wives have unlimited credit cards..

I don’t have credit cards and most of our finances are separate. I therefore don’t discuss my modest purchases with my DH. If we need to use the joint account for tuition/camp etc then we discuss. 🤷🏻‍♀️

amother

Daisy

Mon, Sep 04 2023, 1:23 pm

We have a threshold below which we don't discuss and above which we do. That threshold has changed as our income has changed. As newlyweds making peanuts, it was $30. Now bh that number is much higher, but there is still a limit.

amother

DarkPurple

Tue, Sep 05 2023, 7:52 am

We discuss larger purchases or larger items. We discuss tzedaka as well if it is more than a few shekel.

Sometimes the discussion is whether or not it is worth to get something at all (e.g., useful kitchen gadget which takes up space but may not be used so often), sometimes it is to discuss which item based on cost vs features (e.g., which brand of baby stroller). But generally if one of us wants to spend money on something, the other one doesn't veto it outright, we discuss how it fits in our budget and our life.

amother

Mint

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 3:19 am

Not really.

Any large purchase is usually for the house. A new dryer. A new chair. So obviously those are discussed because we decide together what to get.

But the things that aren't his department I don't discuss with him. He doesn't really care about a new dress or wig or the kids' shoes. I don't get involved in his tzedaka or a new suit.

(For context, we aren't wealthy or haphazard spenders. But we do both work.)

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Sep 06 2023, 3:43 am

amother OP wrote:

Would like to hear from those that are involved in finances. Not really looking for I leave finances fully up to my husband answers.

Do you discuss with each other before spending on big purchases? Like electronics for example, things that cost a lot. Or do you just spend as you please and never discuss.

Also if you have maaser set aside do you discuss where to give to or do you just give whenever you see something and feel like it. Talking about large donations.

We have a mutual yet unsaid agreement that for any purchase over about 50 NIS we ask each other. Not always but most of the time. Certainly any big purchases. Any purchase not discussed (rare) is one that we discussed so many times we know we're in agreement on the fact that we need to buy it. Sometimes we still double check for those things though.

Maaser, we don't usually ask, we sometimes consult but in general if one of us sees a worthy cause we just give it without asking the other.

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