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Forum -> Relationships -> Giving Gifts
Gift for acquaintance making a wedding
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Sep 05 2023, 3:40 pm
If an acquaintance is making a wedding and I need to stop by to say Mazal tov and dance for a few minutes what do I need to give? Lakewood, not super yeshivish. I’m not close with them. Does it need to be cash/check?
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amother
Midnight


 

Post Tue, Sep 05 2023, 4:08 pm
When I drop in to say mazel tov and don't stay for the weeding, I don't give a gift. "My presence is my present"
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 05 2023, 4:25 pm
It’s an acquaintance, why do you have to stop by and give anything at all?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 3:27 pm
watergirl wrote:
It’s an acquaintance, why do you have to stop by and give anything at all?


They live close by but we are not friends (I’d love to be but they seem to be not interested) but they live close enough that it’s weird if we don’t go

It’s the type that I chip in for the neighborhood Group baby gifts and bar mitzvah gifts for them. But there’s no group wedding gift
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amother
Ginger


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 4:06 pm
No gift necessary.

Signed, Miss Etiquette
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amother
Hibiscus


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 4:18 pm
I think it sounds lovely that you want to stop by and give a little something (you sort of lost me when you said you would like to be friends but they are not interested-I don’t care for unfriendly people). Are the Chassan and Kallah registered somewhere? Can you get a $18-$36 gift from there?
(Their dish towels or cutting board, a washing cup, salt shakers…)

Something which is a combination of a token and useful, but definitely not over the top.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 4:45 pm
amother Hibiscus wrote:
I think it sounds lovely that you want to stop by and give a little something (you sort of lost me when you said you would like to be friends but they are not interested-I don’t care for unfriendly people). Are the Chassan and Kallah registered somewhere? Can you get a $18-$36 gift from there?
(Their dish towels or cutting board, a washing cup, salt shakers…)

Something which is a combination of a token and useful, but definitely not over the top.


I wish that would be perfect

They run in circles where online registries aren’t done
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 4:52 pm
amother OP wrote:
I wish that would be perfect

They run in circles where online registries aren’t done


In my neighborhood we chip in to send something to aufruf / shobbos sheva brachos. Call up someone on the baalei simchas block. (More of a gift for the parents).

I dont think most people give a gift for dropping in but I run in very low key Lakewood circles. Could be fancier crowds do.

If you want to give a low key gift pick out something from thr bookstore and give w the gift receipt, or one of the gift stores.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 4:55 pm
amother OP wrote:
They live close by but we are not friends (I’d love to be but they seem to be not interested) but they live close enough that it’s weird if we don’t go

It’s the type that I chip in for the neighborhood Group baby gifts and bar mitzvah gifts for them. But there’s no group wedding gift

Did they send you a personal invitation? Then ok. Did you just get a generic whatsapp on the block chat? Then it’s not only not weird to skip, thr baalei simcha is not expecting you to pop in.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 4:56 pm
watergirl wrote:
Did they send you a personal invitation? Then ok. Did you just get a generic whatsapp on the block chat? Then it’s not only not weird to skip, thr baalei simcha is not expecting you to pop in.


Mailed invitation Smile
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 4:59 pm
amother OP wrote:
Mailed invitation Smile

Return card or no return card?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 5:00 pm
amother Chocolate wrote:
Return card or no return card?


Yes return card (and I wrote that we’d come, they live too close for me to write well just stop in. It would be weird)
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 5:02 pm
watergirl wrote:
Did they send you a personal invitation? Then ok. Did you just get a generic whatsapp on the block chat? Then it’s not only not weird to skip, thr baalei simcha is not expecting you to pop in.


In Lakewood its very common that even if you were invited to the meal (I pretty much always am invited to meal to people in my shul and block, for example), that the expectation is youre only going to pop in to say mazal tov. Usually durung the kabalos panim or simchas chosson vkalkah, but really anytime.

Pretty much only the closest friends and neighbors are there for the meal and if youre not one of those you feel wierd.
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 5:06 pm
amother OP wrote:
Yes return card (and I wrote that we’d come, they live too close for me to write well just stop in. It would be weird)


Did you write that youre coming to the meal? Then maybe you should.....
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 5:20 pm
amother Dodgerblue wrote:
Did you write that youre coming to the meal? Then maybe you should.....


We’re close in proximity but have zero to do with each other. we maybe say good Shabbos. I wrote well attend because I didn’t want them to know in advance that I only want to pop in. I thought that was rude being that they live next door. They are very wealthy so don’t worry about the extra seats if we don’t stay to eat Wink
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amother
Hibiscus


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 5:48 pm
amother OP wrote:
We’re close in proximity but have zero to do with each other. we maybe say good Shabbos. I wrote well attend because I didn’t want them to know in advance that I only want to pop in. I thought that was rude being that they live next door. They are very wealthy so don’t worry about the extra seats if we don’t stay to eat Wink


I’m sorry but just because they are wealthy (or seemingly wealthy) it is not your money to spend.
If you have no intention of staying for the bulk of the wedding, and the wedding is more than a week away, call and apologize taht you need to change your RSVP. And if you respond that you are going, even if you just pop in, you still need to give a regular gift.

But you can definitely call and cancel your RSVP and say that you will pop in instead.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 5:49 pm
amother OP wrote:
We’re close in proximity but have zero to do with each other. we maybe say good Shabbos. I wrote well attend because I didn’t want them to know in advance that I only want to pop in. I thought that was rude being that they live next door. They are very wealthy so don’t worry about the extra seats if we don’t stay to eat Wink

OK I saw that you said they sent you an actual invitation and you RSVPed that you would be attending and stay for the meal… In this case you do have to give them whatever gift you would give anybody who’s wedding you are at for the meal. In this case it doesn’t matter how close you are to them or how wealthy they are. If you told them you are staying for the meal, you have to give a gift that covers the meal.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Sep 06 2023, 6:00 pm
So what amount is that approximately?
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amother
Charcoal


 

Post Sat, Dec 16 2023, 10:26 pm
Bump. What's a standard check to give (in lakewood) if staying for the meal. What about if only I stay and not my husband?
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amother
Charcoal


 

Post Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:19 am
Bump
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