Pregnant, nursing and scared of fasting on YK

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Rosh Hashana-Yom Kippur

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amother

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:49 am

I am BH in my seventh month of pregnancy and have a very active toddler who I am nursing 1-2x per day (usually bedtime). I am anemic, just found out yesterday, and although my midwife said it’s medically safe for me to fast on YK, I’m really afraid. I don’t do well when my blood sugar fluctuates wildly or gets really low, and I am freaking exhausted (almost) all. the. time.

I’ve been trying to find a preteen girl who can come by for a little bit and play with my toddler for an hour or so so I can rest, but so far no luck. I’m planning to start hydrating a lot a few days in advance and take kali tzom pills since that helped last year but I’m really anxious about being “on” with my kiddo all day while DH is in shul.

Planning to call the Rav to ask what the threshold is for drinking shiurim if needed.

How in the world do people do this year after year after year when pregnant, nursing, with energetic toddlers, etc.?!

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:52 am

Try not to nurse him on yom kippur.
Get new toys & books.
Have DH come home during the day to check on you.
Do you have neighbors that may be able to watch him for a couple of hours?

amother

Pistachio

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:52 am

When I was at that stage I moved into a relatives house because I was scared to be alone all Yom Kippur. Then I was up all night because the toddler wouldn’t sleep in their house. Pick your poison Wink

It’s just once a year to be fair. You get through it.

scintilla

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:52 am

There is no good answer unfortunately:( nothing anyone can say that will make it "easy". But the basic idea is that you lay on the couch as much as you physically can and don't try do anything else. Pre-portioned snacks and sandwiches, new games, reusable sticker books etc, husband home to help as much as possible, don't even try davening if it will take koach that you don't have. Basically just survive the day and make fasting the main point, obviously not past whatever your rav says, but fasting is the ikar of the day.

amother

Ivory

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:53 am

amother Pistachio wrote:

It’s just once a year to be fair. You get through it.

Lol been there!!! Except my toddler also picked that night to throw up Very Happy

amother

Chestnut

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 8:57 am

Just curious is it considered crazy to ask a sister to move in to her house for yom kippur?
If I'm pregnant and with a toddler and husband is away and don't want to be alone yk....is it too much to ask an older sister who has lots of teen girls and no little kids if one can move in to their house ? Or is that unfair to ask of a sister? Like if she wants her peace and quiet or wants all her girls to daven in shul a whole day and not feel like they have to take turns helping with toddler...

amother

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:02 am

We don’t have family in town.

amother

Mint

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:04 am

Pretty easy to get a heter for shiurim on YK. Ask your rabbi

NotInNJMommy

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:05 am

Absoltely work on hydrating ahead of time, and the day of, having food ready, toys ready, clothes ready, etc. and some program of events to keep everyone busy with minimal effort from you.

Lastly, talk in detail and get specifics from a rav well versed and sensitive to these things about shiurim, etc. (measures of drink or food, etc.) and what is halachically permissible and also what potential symptoms (ie. early labor? cvs) might indicate ceasing fasting entirely. I've found I'm less nervous when I'm more prepared to deal with what may happen without worrying if I'm doing the right thing or not. (And then I'm less likely to need to do anything atypical as well)

amother

Petunia

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:07 am

I've usually been at least in my second trimester and I tend to feel better by then.
However this pregnancy the nausea has not abated especially when I don't eat and I am also very worried that I will spend the day over the toilet.
I went off meds but I think I will take two dicliges before in addition to the slow release Tylenol and caffeine and pray for the best.

amother

Chestnut

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:14 am

amother OP wrote:

We don’t have family in town.

Sorry to hijack....I meant in a different scenario. Someone else I know.
Asked her sister and got a very surprising response. Sorry it's too much for everyone if you move in. Maybe get your cleaning lady to watch your toddler in your own home.
From a sister. Who is on pretty good terms generally so was surprising to hear it would be "too much"
Like which part is too much?

amother

Brickred

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:17 am

I don't know what area you are but my sister was pregnant on yk and she's a terrible faster so she went to a hatzalah member who attached her to an iv and showed her how to connect to fluids bag and she did one at night and one in afternoon and she felt better than when fasting not pregnant

Last edited by amother on Thu, Sep 14 2023, 8:37 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Turquoise

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:18 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

Definitely ask! Not considered crazy at all. Such a common thing to do.

amother

Black

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:25 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

It’s really not a surprising answer.

It’s totally a normal thing to ask, and also a normal thing to say no to.

My nieces are extremely helpful girls in general and I bh have 3 under 4, nursing. Last year I was pregnant. They aren’t great fasters and these are their years to daven when they can.

I can imagine asking but I also get why she said no. Maybe your sister herself has a hard time fasting, so bh now without little kids it’s easier.

It’s definitely something to think about before dh makes plans to be away yk. I hired my cleaninging woman to come in the am and again in the pm, she’s not amazing with the kids but it’s something.

mommyhood

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:31 am

amother OP wrote:

We don’t have family in town.

Doesn’t necessarily have to be in town. Dh can stay home and daven in his shul and you drive to family. Obviously this is only an option if they’re driving distance.
Otherwise if you can’t find help, your fasting takes priority over dh going to shul so if he needs to he stays home or he can daven vasikin and then help after if that’s an option.

amother

Blue

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:35 am

My sister asked her LOR and was told she needs to stay in bed the entire fast and her husband should make sure to be home when toddler is awake.

amother

Tomato

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 9:55 am

amother Mint wrote:

Pretty easy to get a heter for shiurim on YK. Ask your rabbi

Your rabbi may tell your husband not to go to shul but stay home with the kids
(Happened to a friend)

amother

Tiffanyblue

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 10:03 am

You may want to consider weaning your toddler. You will be in your 7th month after all.

I find that nursing dries you up like crazy.

amother

Mint

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 10:04 am

amother Tomato wrote:

Your rabbi may tell your husband not to go to shul but stay home with the kids
(Happened to a friend)

Maybe. Worth asking open endedly

amother

Trillium

Wed, Sep 13 2023, 10:10 am

When my oldest was a baby, and I was nursing, I almost fainted Tisha B'av. I was so scared to fast yom kippur with my husband not home.

He asked a rav if I could do shiurim. The rav said I should put myself on bedrest. My husband started laughing saying it's not possible as my son started crawling. The rav said "It's a deoriysa to fast and a nice thing to daven with a minyan. Stay home and care for your baby and wife!!"

My neighbor ended up coming over and helping me, but my husband was ready to stay home and take over.

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