I keep offending my child’s teacher

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 1:39 am

She is new and perhaps incompetent.

I’ve been “told on” to both principals and sternly reprimanded. How do I mend the hurt that I caused her by trying to give her helpful feedback?

Even when I sent her an apology email I blew it. Somehow the words don’t come out right because I’m so annoyed at having an inexperienced teacher for my child. Banging head

smss

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 2:34 am

Hmm. It's hard to say without more details. But it's really not your place to give her helpful feedback, unless it's something along the lines of "here's something that has worked well for my DC in the past."

yellowroses

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 3:07 am

amother OP wrote:

Remember, even the best teachers started out inexperienced. This is just how it works. Give her a chance and time to become experienced.

amother

Emerald

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 6:32 am

My Daughter has some inexperienced teachers. While they lack experience they have lots of energy, passion and enthusiasm. Im not annoyed at all

imasinger

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 6:36 am

If you'd like to post or pm any further drafts, perhaps you could get help being sure your tone was gentle enough?

amother

Tulip

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 6:41 am

Please give any teacher some slack at the begining of the year. They are dealing with a bunch of kids, trying to get them into a structured routine while still on a crazy Yom tov schedule. (and if your child is in preschool this is even more true). Unless there is a major issue (ie bullying) give the teacher a few weeks to shine. Don't judge her on a week of school and start giving her mussar already. Even gently. Remember your child is one of many.

Rachel Shira

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 6:54 am

After one-ish week of school, I can’t think of too many reasons why you would need to be repeatedly giving a teacher feedback… what’s been going on?

amother

Tanzanite

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 7:11 am

What type of feedback? The general rule of thumb is if she’s not doing something terrible to your child don’t say anything.

amother

Begonia

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 7:25 am

The first 6 weeks of school is just review. Its impossible to know what kind of teacher she is. My son has a 20-21 year old teacher who looks like she just came back from seminary. I dont have high expectations but I am not assuming he won't learn. I am not assuming she won't have control of the class. My son does have support in the classroom so if there are concerns I will find out but what could possibly have come up already?

amother

Geranium

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 7:33 am

It's OK to be worried about being the "guinea pig" but, well, everyone has to start somewhere! The top teachers were once first timers too, and made rookie mistakes. If you're so concerned, you're better off asking the administration about what support they offer to their new teachers rather than dumping on her in the first 2 weeks of the year.

amother

Wine

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 8:08 am

I don't understand why you are blaming her inexperience on your being offensive.

#BestBubby

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 8:11 am

At this point the teacher is hyper sensitive to anything you say

Best thing is to stop communicating and give teacher some space.

SuperWify

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 8:18 am

How though? The year just began…

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 8:28 am

I’m literally not understanding how these interactions keep going down?
How often are you speaking?
Does your child have a specific issue?
Once you said something inadvertently offensive, weren’t you on high lookout to NOT say it in the future?
How did an email (which by definition gives you time to reread and make sure it’s all good) end up also offensive?

amother

Ivory

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 8:28 am

SuperWify wrote:

How though? The year just began…

By simply not talking to her. Do you really feel the need to talk to your kids teachers all the time? Even a teacher who you see every day at carpool, you can nicely say good morning or thank you without making any comments about what she did or did not do!

watergirl

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 8:37 am

amother OP wrote:

I’m so annoyed at having an inexperienced teacher for my child. Banging head

Just on this - OP, if it is very important to you, that your children have experienced teachers, then that should be part of what you look for when you search for schools. There are many frum schools out there who will only hire teachers who have degrees and certification and education. If you are sacrificing experience, degrees, and certification for other things that are important to you and your family, then you must realize that you were likely to have a young woman just back from seminary teaching your kids at some point.

notshanarishona

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 8:56 am

It’s not your job to give “helpful feedback “. Leave that to the principals. Of course she is offended.

amother

Geranium

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 9:00 am

watergirl wrote:

Even with degrees and certification, the teacher still has a first time teaching and will be inexperienced until they get, well, experience. Student teaching (which is part of the certification process) is mostly a joke. There is no amount of qualifications that can truly prepare a teacher for that first year of actually doing it. Even amongst public schools, where every teacher is qualified according to whatever their state requires, there is extremely high attrition before the 5 year mark, which is where teachers generally start to truly have a handle on things. You could have this problem in any school. We need new teachers, and every school has a few newbies. Somebody has to be in the class with the new teacher. Every kid at some point will likely have the experience of a less experienced teacher, for better or worse.

amother

Kiwi

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 9:12 am

We dont even know the full story, why is everyone blaming op?
I can easily think of a few scenarios where op did nothing wrong...
For example
OP's son was bullied by classmate Dovid all last year and the year before. School intervened many times etc. OP knows from experience that its important to have her son seated far away from Dovid and not have them work together on any in school activity. Also, as her son has a hard time sticking up for himself, its best if he is near his friend Eli, who in the past has stuck up for him when Dovid tries bullying him. She told this to the teacher when the year started.
Now she hears the teacher assigned her son to work with a group of 3 boys on an in class math project, and one of the boys is Dovid. Eli is in another group. She emails the teacher, explains the importance of preventing close contact etc. The teacher dismisses it because theyre on the same level academically and she hasnt seen any problems. OP emails back again the following day, after her son came home in tears, simply from the anxiety of being near him. The teacher gets annoyed because nothing has actually happened (yet) and she knows what shes doing. The mother (op) is starting to get upset because theyve dealt with this for so long, and please just listen to her advice to prevent a disaster, and form a new group!
Etc

You can replace this scenario with anything.... but in the case that op is trying to help her child in a way that the teacher doesnt see the importance of it, it can get very sticky even if OP is wording herself well

Highstrung

Fri, Sep 15 2023, 9:12 am

We need to always give employees time to get acclimated with a job. That’s why there is usually a period of 3 months before an employer decides if an employee is good for the job or not.

Same with a teacher . She needs to get used to her job, the people she interacts with and the lesson planning and giving over .

How can anybody make a decision that a teacher is not good , before giving her the time to prove herself?

The only reason I was going to contact my kids teacher was to wish a good year and to let her know how excited my daughter is to show me what she learned.

. It’s way too early to know anything yet . School just started. Give it time.

If I would start any job and I was still getting used to it , even if I wasn’t a teacher and a customer complained to my boss (which has happened to me) I would take it very personally and hope that my boss (in this case the principal) took my side and explained to the customer that I’m new and still learning.

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