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amother
Begonia
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 Thu, Sep 21 2023, 5:43 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Thank you I guess it’s worth a call. What you said about peer interactions/social skills help kids interact is what has prevented me from considering it as an option. My son does not need any of that and would feel extremely uncomfortable with that . He’s 100% socially appropriate and will not do well amongst peers that need extra social support. I don’t understand why having a hard time focusing (adhd) and trouble in limudei kodesh all of the sudden makes them in need of social skills, therapists, and psychologists. While it is true that some kids with ADHD can be socially immature that is not the case with my son . My sons adhd presents in being easily distracted, weak short term memory (which is the hallmark of ADHD) and challenges in organization. Didn’t we all have kids in our class that weren’t able to focus and had a hard time in limudei kodesh? Does that render them incapable of having friends and being in a mainstream classroom? Truthfully prob the most popular kids in my class had ADHD, they were a ton of fun and full of energy. I don’t understand how having a hard time in limudei kodesh and focusing makes ppl believe the child can’t be mainstreamed and should be in a class with others that have social challenges. If that’s what mothers on here think, no wonder the school’s attitude isn’t any better. I don’t understand it. In my days every Jewish child was accepted into a Jewish school , no testing required. Some did better than others, some struggled but nobody was rejected, cast off to self contained classes with kids that suffer from social challenges. By the way , having kids with social challenges in a group of kids with similar challenges is THE WORST thing you can do for such a child. They need to be in a class with socially appropriate peers that they learn from. Who will they learn from if they are all weak in social interactions? The social groups and adult interventions they receive can not take the place of natural peer modeling. Being in a class of typically developed individuals is the best thing for them. Secluding them and giving them artificial social skills interventions will keep them stunted . There’s no better therapy than having them in a mainstream class with natural , organic socially appropriate interactions occurring constantly. That’s where they will really learn and adopt better social skills. I really don’t understand why our society has segregated these kids . All it does is keep them stunted. There’s no better intervention then having them in proper peer setting . In any event that’s not my DS challenge and why I never considered sinai. I really don’t understand why a child that struggles in limudei kodesh and gets distracted is such a major ordeal. |
You chose to homeschool for 3 years. You had to know at the time that it would cause more questions and concerns from a school when you re-applied for acceptance than for a typical child who you say “deserves a Jewish school”. School isn’t a smorgasbord where you get to choose what works for you. A school would be remiss if they didn’t test the heck out of a kid coming in after 3 years at home, and would be more concerned than usual about 1. Thr child’s ability to keep up with a regular class 2. The parents ability to go along with a more commercialized schooling plan after having it exactly the way they wanted for 3 years. Frankly I’d be more concerned about the 2nd issue, and not about your son’s specific issues. Your inability to see it that way also re-enforces that feeling. If I were the menahel making the decision here, that would be my primary concern, as a school cannot perfectly tailor its curriculum, classes, methodologies, to fit a specific child. I’d be more concerned about the parental demands in this situation than about how the child would ultimately fit in and frankly I can see the way they are seeing it- you as parents decided that the social part (etc) didn’t matter when you took him out of a mainstream environment 4 years ago, why are the schools expected to jump up ready to accept (with no testing) now that YOU have decided it’s the right thing for him? I apologize if this seems overly harsh, but I think that you forfeited the right to say “every child deserves a Jewish education” when you re-defined what that meant by voluntarily pulling him out of that kind of environment. I really think you are doing your child a disservice by not realizing and accepting that and approaching the prospective schools with an attitude of humility and understanding of their hesitations.
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amother
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 7:51 am
| amother Begonia wrote: | | You chose to homeschool for 3 years. You had to know at the time that it would cause more questions and concerns from a school when you re-applied for acceptance than for a typical child who you say “deserves a Jewish school”. School isn’t a smorgasbord where you get to choose what works for you. A school would be remiss if they didn’t test the heck out of a kid coming in after 3 years at home, and would be more concerned than usual about 1. Thr child’s ability to keep up with a regular class 2. The parents ability to go along with a more commercialized schooling plan after having it exactly the way they wanted for 3 years. Frankly I’d be more concerned about the 2nd issue, and not about your son’s specific issues. Your inability to see it that way also re-enforces that feeling. If I were the menahel making the decision here, that would be my primary concern, as a school cannot perfectly tailor its curriculum, classes, methodologies, to fit a specific child. I’d be more concerned about the parental demands in this situation than about how the child would ultimately fit in and frankly I can see the way they are seeing it- you as parents decided that the social part (etc) didn’t matter when you took him out of a mainstream environment 4 years ago, why are the schools expected to jump up ready to accept (with no testing) now that YOU have decided it’s the right thing for him? I apologize if this seems overly harsh, but I think that you forfeited the right to say “every child deserves a Jewish education” when you re-defined what that meant by voluntarily pulling him out of that kind of environment. I really think you are doing your child a disservice by not realizing and accepting that and approaching the prospective schools with an attitude of humility and understanding of their hesitations. |
I think you’re incredibly judgmental and cruel. Don’t assume it was voluntarily. You’re making a boat load of assumptions that are wrong and cruel. I can’t even comment further. Your response shows an extreme lack of understanding. Perhaps you should adopt an attitude of humility and refrain from making assumptions that are completely wrong and composing an entire response of harsh judgments based on false assumptions you chose to create and judge. Good luck on Yom Kippur.
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amother
Begonia
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 9:12 am
| amother OP wrote: | | You’re still saying MY decision, MY choice. Nowhere did I say it was my decision or my choice . “Various reasons” was the exact language I used. That gives you no information as to wether it was my decision or my choice yet you still cant let go of your assumptions. Your input is not valued since it is based on your own judgements and assumptions that are completely off the mark. Even after I tell you that, you still continue commenting on how my decisions have ramifications. Who told you it was my decision?? STOP judging and coming to assumptions in your mind that are far from reality. I’m asking for advice on a public forum for names of schools ppl might think suitable. I never asked for your assumptions and judgement. If you don’t have a school to suggest you have no reason to comment. Your comments are based off of false assumptions you have created, that are based off of nothing but your own judgments and/or lack of understanding. Your assumptions go as far as Including how long my son was out of school for! A few years doesn’t mean it must be in the literal sense of a few meaning 3. You decided and assume he was out of school for 3yrs based on the expression of “a few years”. Your assumptions are completely wrong on all accounts. |
I’m so sorry for your pain. “Rich people run the town”, “I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal that he can’t really read well in hebrew and gets easily distracted” etc. no matter what a child’s issues are, physical, mental, religiousity etc etc. if you are not presenting yourself as understanding toward the school’s views, it will be an unnecessarily difficult process. I wanted to present thr other side- in response to your comments about the schools being unreasonable. I apologize if it served to further your pain I was only hoping to help you see it from their perspective in case that view could help your son. Wishing him and you the menuchas hanefesh of finding a school where he can thrive
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Thu, Sep 21 2023, 9:48 am
| amother Begonia wrote: | | I’m so sorry for your pain. “Rich people run the town”, “I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal that he can’t really read well in hebrew and gets easily distracted” etc. no matter what a child’s issues are, physical, mental, religiousity etc etc. if you are not presenting yourself as understanding toward the school’s views, it will be an unnecessarily difficult process. I wanted to present thr other side- in response to your comments about the schools being unreasonable. I apologize if it served to further your pain I was only hoping to help you see it from their perspective in case that view could help your son. Wishing him and you the menuchas hanefesh of finding a school where he can thrive |
Again more of your assumptions that are completely misplaced. Yes I do believe a child that is easily distracted and has challenges in limudei kodesh has no reason not to be mainstreamed (especially since I taught for 20yrs and had many such students) and yes to all those statements I made but it is only YOUR assumptions that lead you to believe I would present such an attitude to the school I’m trying to have my son attend. That assumption is again way off base and ridiculous. How a mother vents on here, in no way reflects how she conducts herself in real life. In fact I stated that I am willing and have been completely transparent, sharing psych-Ed evaluations and being upfront about his challenges. I’m willing to pay for any extra support/pullouts the school requires, and want to work with the school to set up my son for success. That’s what I actually said. My not being understanding, and respectful towards the school and wanting ti work with them in a way that works for everyone is again an assumption you created in your own mind. I actually stated the opposite that I am willing and wanting to do what’s necessary for it to work for everyone. Your need to “show me the other side” is coming from misplaced judgements and assumptions of how I must be and present to the school. One can have internal frustrations in how the Jewish school system works, yet still be respectful and a willing working partner with the school to facilitate their child’s needs. They can both be true. Nowhere did I indicate I’m unwilling to accept or work with the school. In fact I stated I am willing and wanting to do all that’s necessary to set my son up for success and why I am transparent and upfront with the schools. Not wanting to put my child in an environment that is completely unsuitable for his needs and will be detrimental to his growth and development. An environment that will stunt him more than help him is not someone not willing to work with a school. Your belief that a parent has no right to choose what kind of school their child goes to since their child wasn’t in school for an extended period of time is absurd. Your belief that a parent should put their kid in an environment (even if it’s harmful to their emotional, psychological, and academic development ) because he wasn’t in school for some time is absurd. Any parent who would do that is selfish. A parent who would put their child in an environment that is completely unsuitable for the child so the parent no longer has the child at home and will just put the child where they will get accepted without considering the ramifications is a cruel, selfish, self centered parent. That still doesn’t mean I’m not understanding or unwilling to work with a school that is appropriate for my DS. Your need to show me “the other side” comes from your own judgements and assumptions. They are completely off base and says alot more about you then me and my attempt to find best school for my DS.
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