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amother
OP
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 Wed, Sep 20 2023, 4:50 am
My son is a good boy but different than the average Lakewood 8th grader. He is diagnosed as High Functioning autistic and currently attends a mainstream JPF/yeshivish elementary school. Somehow, he has made it through all the way to 8th grade (I'm sure fellow mothers of similarly labeled children can relate to this sentiment  .
His main difficulties are rigid thinking, anxiety, and challenges with social cues. While he cannot sit through shul on shabbos, he is otherwise a good Torahdik boy. He is well liked in by his peers and we never have issues with fights or the like. He is tutored for Gemara, (his classroom Rebbi told the tutor that he is not keeping up with the class though, he often offers profound insights into the Gemara that no one else thinks of).
Over the years he's had many therapies, including speech, talk, and play/floortime.
First and foremost, I'm curious if there are other parents facing similar circumstances with sons of his age. How are your sons progressing at this age, and what therapies are you currently finding effective?
Right now, my primary concern revolves around his transition to mesivta. I know the schools typically guide and facilitate this process, however my son's school may not fully grasp his challenges since he manages to navigate each day somewhat inconspicuously and his struggles are sort of under the radar. What High Schools are you looking at?
Despite his difficulties, he is very torahdik like I said and readily participates in school minyanim. My goal is to find a mesivta in Lakewood that would be a suitable fit for a boy like him. I want to ensure that he is placed in an environment that nurtures his yiddishkeit but "gets" him.
So Lakewood/Jackson/Toms River Imas help me figure out a place that he would belong.
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oneofakind
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 7:02 am
Meet with Rabbi Binyomin Strauss. He helps with mesivta placements. Speak to BCBA who knows your son. Speak to his Rebbe - just for ideas.
Hatzlacha
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amother
Burlywood
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 8:47 am
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Don't sell your son short. The "special needs" places in Lakewood are awful. Truly, truly, truly. If your son is a torahdik boy who gets along with his peers, he can be in a regular yeshiva. As much as this town pretends it away, learning disabilities abound in regular places. Your son's rebbe will not recommend him for a "top" (and thats in quotes on purpose) yeshiva because he's having trouble keeping up now. But there is NO reason that he shouldn't go to a very good "beis" yeshiva, if he is happy to go to minyan, to classes, and makes friends and can interact with his peers mostly appropriately. Please. Don't make the mistakes that I did. Just get him into a regular mesivta and forget about all the labels for your kid. If he is functional in the classroom, he will be fine. Not every kid is a superstar learner. My son is a great boy, despite all that he experienced in "small, warm yeshivas that cater to non-learners." And he is still traumatized by the 3 years he sat doing absolutely nothing in a forced imprisonment while the staff sang their lies to the parents. If your kid is a good kid who doesn't rebel against authority and goes where he is supposed to go, he ABSOLUTELY deserves a regular place. So what if he's rigid? Have you ever had a conversation with half the people in chinuch today? There's rigidity right there if you want it and they seem to be just fine at gatekeeping in the Jewish world. Your son deserves a chance just as much as any other kid. Fight for him like his life depends on it. Because it does.
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amother
OP
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Wed, Sep 20 2023, 1:10 pm
| amother Burlywood wrote: | | Don't sell your son short. The "special needs" places in Lakewood are awful. Truly, truly, truly. If your son is a torahdik boy who gets along with his peers, he can be in a regular yeshiva. As much as this town pretends it away, learning disabilities abound in regular places. Your son's rebbe will not recommend him for a "top" (and thats in quotes on purpose) yeshiva because he's having trouble keeping up now. But there is NO reason that he shouldn't go to a very good "beis" yeshiva, if he is happy to go to minyan, to classes, and makes friends and can interact with his peers mostly appropriately. Please. Don't make the mistakes that I did. Just get him into a regular mesivta and forget about all the labels for your kid. If he is functional in the classroom, he will be fine. Not every kid is a superstar learner. My son is a great boy, despite all that he experienced in "small, warm yeshivas that cater to non-learners." And he is still traumatized by the 3 years he sat doing absolutely nothing in a forced imprisonment while the staff sang their lies to the parents. If your kid is a good kid who doesn't rebel against authority and goes where he is supposed to go, he ABSOLUTELY deserves a regular place. So what if he's rigid? Have you ever had a conversation with half the people in chinuch today? There's rigidity right there if you want it and they seem to be just fine at gatekeeping in the Jewish world. Your son deserves a chance just as much as any other kid. Fight for him like his life depends on it. Because it does. |
if he is happy to go to minyan, to classes, and makes friends and can interact with his peers mostly appropriately YES YES YES to this. He is happy to go to school minyan and actually has amazing friends in school. He is very well liked.
Your post really speaks to me and this is exactly the kind of response I was hoping for.
What do you mean by "sang their lies"?
I'm wondering which mesivta to stay from since I am super concerned about being told to go to a lower level (in ruchnius) mesivta because he is different (he does not rebel religously but religion is 100% hard for him.)
As an example - he can't bentch the whole bentching. Nothing doing - I never said a word but I see that for many years he would wash beautifully and never bentch. JUST the past couple of months he came over to me and said - ma bentching is so hard so I never do it. but now I started saying the first paragraph. I believe that one paragraph is more precious to hashem than the whole bentching knowing how much he struggles.
Another example is shul. He doesn't go to shul on shabbos but is so makpid to not read english books or do anything wrong like build lego (which he loves) or play monopoly. Again - this is something that to me is super special about him. Same with putting on tefillin- he will sit for at least 45 minutes in the morning (when he doesn't have school minyan) to put on tefillin - and sit there. That's the kind of kid he is. Not sure people can relate but just to give you an idea.
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