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Fighting for job question #2



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mom21n2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 9:43 am
DH thinks I should pay visits to higher ups at my job and tell them all about my IF trials and tribulations, since he blames those for my inability to focus at work. I don't want to do this because a) it's personal and b) I think it's whining and making excuses. DH says if I don't do it, it's just like quitting without a fight and that I'll be taking food from my children. Who's right? Should I go and grovel? Or try to do this on the merits of my work alone?
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costanza




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 9:47 am
I would never do that. It's very unprofessional. Your personal troubles are not your employers problem.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 10:03 am
mom21n2: youre not even happy at that job! what are you fighting for? more stress and less time with your kids? I think its time to give up and get out.
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mom21n2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 10:47 am
Basically, I'm fighting because DH says if I don't then I don't care about my kids (because without my job we have no income). I started job hunting and sort of believe that I am unemployable by today's standards. I don't look like I "fit in" with corporate America, I can't keep "regular" hours, and nothing motivates me. Plus, anything that pays even close to what I am getting now (net) requires me to go back to school or have some "hands-on" experience that I don't really have. If I stick it out here, I will be miserable, but at least my kids will have what they need, Bezrat H". Last night I got home at 9:00PM. My ds was awake, and he cried when he saw me and said that he was mad at me for coming home late. I told him please don't be mad at me and that I was at work, not out playing. He said he would only not be mad at me if I did not come home late anymore. My heart almost broke right there. He didn't fall asleep until 10PM, he stood next to me while I ground up the chicken for the twins, and he ended up insisting to sleep in my bed all night. (I caved) Yechhh. I am so at a loss. I HATE this. and I HATE myself. and I HATE my job. (Sorry for yelling.)
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TwinsMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 10:51 am
wow I hate seeing women miserable working. What is your field? What is your husband's? Can he increase his income? Maybe we can help you brainstorm?

My husband is out of work and having a rough time finding something new, so I understand!
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justanothermother




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 10:52 am
Hashem should give you the insight to make the right decision for your family.
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 10:58 am
I also think going and explaining all your troubles to higher-ups might be inappropriate. However, it may be a good idea to cue in your immediate supervisor (in my case, my direct manager) that you have some medical things you are dealing with, it's not life threatening, and you are committed to your job. Also, is it temporary? If so, explain that this is a temporary situation.

If you can make due with a little less money (albeit being very frugal) it is 100% worth it to find a job you are happier in. I made this mistake with my first pregnancy, and totally wish I hadn't.

IYH Hashem will send help and clarity your way ASAP! (and a baby!)
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cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 11:01 am
mom21n2 wrote:
DH thinks I should pay visits to higher ups at my job and tell them all about my IF trials and tribulations, since he blames those for my inability to focus at work. I don't want to do this because a) it's personal and b) I think it's whining and making excuses. DH says if I don't do it, it's just like quitting without a fight and that I'll be taking food from my children. Who's right? Should I go and grovel? Or try to do this on the merits of my work alone?


Are you really on the verge of being fired?
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mom21n2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 11:01 am
Thanks guys. I am a lawyer. DH is a teacher, but he works part time and not in summer. Actually, he is now our nanny so that we can save some $$. For now, my earning capacity is definitely greater than his. He is very clever about managing on next to nothing (actually that's why I married him), but I'm not very good at that, and now with the kids, and Yeshiva tuition, etc., well I am sure everyone has the same shpiel. Right now, the best solution for my problem seems to be to stay at this job and see if they will let me work part time. But as long as they think I'm a boob, I guess my bargaining power is sort of nonexistent. PS, I am not really a boob.
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mom21n2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 11:08 am
cassandra wrote:

Are you really on the verge of being fired?


Well, they called me in three weeks ago and said, you are not working hard enough and if you don't shape up [fill in the blank]. I filled it in with, you'll be asked to leave. Frankly, I think even the warning probably was a sham, they are just cta because I was out on leave so they need to make a record before they let the axe fall.


The IF things already all happened (unless we go back for more). I handled it the best way that I could at the time. I think it's water under the bridge. Anyway, my "immediate" supervisor already knows general stuff and doesn't care. Did I tank my career? Maybe, but I was not in the best frame of mind for nearly a decade. So you get a little whacky after a while I guess. At this point, I think I ought to be able to be with my kids and still work, lots of people do, but for some reason I just don't seem to be doing enough to make anyone happy, including me. Not for lack of trying. I just haven't found the magic equation yet. Is there one?
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TwinsMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 11:15 am
what if you work part time hours and your husband works part time hours? Sounds like he already DOES work part time hours, so you'll just need to find a part time position--- make it clear to firms that you are not interested in going for partner, working full time.... but you're a competent attorney with these credentials and this experience, etc.

Do part time attorneys in your area get health benefits? That's our problem now--- I'm self employed and my husband is now unemployed--- he is having a rough time finding full time employment in his field that offers health benefits. There is no way I can get health benefits, so we need him to carry the health insurance. He's a teacher too and the pay is LOUSY, I know.
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mom21n2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 11:23 am
TwinsMommy wrote:
what if you work part time hours and your husband works part time hours? Sounds like he already DOES work part time hours, so you'll just need to find a part time position--- make it clear to firms that you are not interested in going for partner, working full time.... but you're a competent attorney with these credentials and this experience, etc.

Do part time attorneys in your area get health benefits? That's our problem now--- I'm self employed and my husband is now unemployed--- he is having a rough time finding full time employment in his field that offers health benefits. There is no way I can get health benefits, so we need him to carry the health insurance. He's a teacher too and the pay is LOUSY, I know.


If I work part-time and he works part-time, we will have to pay a nanny more than he makes. (That's why he's the nanny) I don't know how to tell firms I don't want partner. I am a partner now. It's sort of an eyebrow raiser. Plus, as a non-partner in a new firm, I just think it would be a complete nightmare. It's sort of like when you get used to living a certain way, you don't want to go back. I have no idea what the benefits are for PT workers. I doubt they are that great. Although what we have now is not so amazing. It's ok, just not amazing.
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cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 11:35 am
mom21n2, I really feel for you. I'm familiar with the legal world so I kind of know what you are going through and why finding a new job is going to be tough for you, especially one where you make the kind of money you make and still have the time you need to be with your kids. I wish I had answers for you, but I don't, we also go through the same back and forth about the money and the time pressures, whether to leave the firm now or stay. I hope your dream job falls into your lap, and maybe you can keep yourself afloat where you are until then.
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mom21n2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 11:42 am
I went to seminar recently and there was a presentation by people who work at large law firms that have part time built in. Any employee can elect to work part time, and there is no penalty. You can elect to switch back at any time. They even get benefits. They just scale the wage down percentage-wise. That would be perfect for me. It just probably does not work with the particular type of legal work that I am trained to do, for timing reasons.
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cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 12:21 pm
What does part time mean? Isn't that usually something like Fridays off?

It also seems to me that family friendliness was so much more important ten years ago when there was so much business going on you couldn't hire fast enough, so if you were good, they wanted you even if you had limitations. The economy is so different now that why should they allow for part time if one is dispensable anyway?
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tovarena




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 12:38 pm
I don't know the legal profession that well, so I could be way off. But can't you work for yourself? I have friends who do that who make a very handsome hourly. I know that might make the benefits question a bit more complex, but we've recently been looking into coverage for small business - group of 2 - it's probably quadruple what I'm paying now, but if you're making enough hourly, maybe it'd still be doable? It might take a year or so to build your clientele, but then you'd at least know that you were working toward the goal of being able to scale back instead of just being on the endless treadmill.
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mom21n2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 1:06 pm
A lot of Israeli people suggest that I hang out my own shingle. It's just not that easy. The work that I am trained for needs large corporate clients and huge teams of people working all over the country and internationally. I can't really handle that on my own, I need to be in a firm. As far as part time goes, at the seminar, they discussed different plans that are implemented at different firms. At least one firm has a plan that you can elect how many hours a week you want to commit to, and then they scale back you salary accordingly. Womens initiatives are really big right now, so even though the job market is tight, many firms want to be able to point to minorities and women in their ranks, so they go out of the way to accommodate things like family, etc.
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tovarena




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 1:25 pm
Hmm...bummer. Sad Did the seminar mention the firms by name? Any chance you could contact them directly? It sounds like that might still not be so practical from what you said in the previous post about starting over as a non-partner. But maybe it's a glimmer?

DH and I are stuck in a similar situation (though different industry). No one has told me that my job is threatened, but I keep feeling that it is (for several valid reasons, and the rest just my general paranoia). So I can definitely sympathize. {HUGS}
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mom21n2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 22 2008, 2:18 pm
Thanks for the hugs! I do have the name of those firms, and they even take partners at part time, so in theory it would not be bottom of the ladder automatically. OTOH, I am in a very specialized area, which, as I said, is not so conducive to PT. (And not all firms have work in this area.) I am not ruling out the PT/flex-time concept though. And I am not limiting myself to law. So the possibilities are endless. Charge!!
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