Teen ordered non kosher food

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Mauve

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 11:56 am

Op if you need a discount because full price at KN shabbaton is way too much, ask them. They try to help if they can.
I'm blown away by your attitude before attending kesher nafshi, it took me a while to get there.
It looks like you're doing as well as can be with your circumstances!

amother

Mauve

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 11:57 am

amother NeonPurple wrote:

Definitely reach out to kesher nafshi.
You will get a lot of support.
Unfortunately there are many people dealing with this.
There isn’t much you can do and it’s not your job to change things. However you should just show your dd acceptance and care and realize that inside she’s really unwell. When the atmosphere in the home is calm and she feels your acceptance she is much less likely to act out.
Please reach out to kesher nafshi . You will be blown away by the support you can get. Ask them if you can be on the mother chat.

You cannot be added to mother's chat until you attend one of their shabbaton. It's their policy.

amother

Mauve

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 11:58 am

amother OP wrote:

Thank you it’s already comforting to k ow that this exists. Are the Shabbatons a for whole families or just parents?

Parents only.
They have a siblings one for teen girls only.

amother

Mauve

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 12:03 pm

amother RosePink wrote:

I have worried of sending the message that love is conditional, but am I sending that message if I’m completely loving again after I prevent them from doing something they shouldn’t?

Most kids want to please their parents.

Believe me, 16 yrs old know exactly what they're supposed to do and not supposed to do!
When they can't, they either want to test their parent's love for them or they're in too much pain to behave the way they know they should. And that in itself cause even more pain.

No 16yr old will not buy treif food because their parents scream at them that they're not allowed to. Siblings know it too! Crying

amother

Mustard

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 12:16 pm

OP I have no experience with this, I just want to tell you that I’m trying to put myself in your shoes and feel your pain.
You and your daughter are both in so much pain and I’m so so sorry!!
May Hashem take away both of your pain this year and may you both be zoche to a life of peaceful happiness.
May I recommend taking sod haadam? It’s such a beautiful and validating course that opens up your eyes (although you seem pretty wise to begin with) and helps you get rid of guilt and feeling that you’re not doing enough. And reminds you of how precious both you and your daughter are to Hashem, no matter where she is holding. She is special just because of who she is.
The pain you are going through is unfathomable, but you should know that it’s ok. You are both doing your absolute best.
One last thing, the only thing about this post that scared me was the part where she is influenced by her “woke” peers. I am sure that it’s what’s best for her though, at this point. And Hashem will guide her to achieve her potential

saralem

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 12:39 pm

Sending you hugs. Regardless of how much we work on ourselves to love unconditionally and accept , these are painful reminders. They pierce our hearts. It’s more than ok to feel sad. There’s no reason to distance yourself from your true feelings. No matter how painful it is though, keep the door open. You can’t imagine how much you’re teaching your other kids about what it really means to love them. my frum kids see how we shower their not frum siblings with love. It doesn’t influence them to stop keeping mitzvos. It opens their eyes and hearts to emulate Hashem, with His infinite love for us.

amother

Sun, Sep 24 2023, 12:47 pm

Thank you for all the chizuk and love everyone.
Although I don’t know you, it’s an honor to be in the same nation as such empathic people. ❤️

amother

Mint

Mon, Sep 25 2023, 6:35 pm

OP - your posts went straight to my heart. I davened with all my heart for you and your DC today. There were several times where the words in the machzor jumped out at me so perfect for your situation as I understand it from your posts. You sound like a strong person. May you , your DC and your whole family be freed from pain and be blessed.

amother

Tue, Sep 26 2023, 9:18 pm

amother Mint wrote:

Wow!! That is unbelievable! What a kind, warm and wonderful thing to do! I am so humbled!! May all of your tefilos be answered letova!!

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