Do you think our schools have gone overboard with the rules?

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 3:05 am

I mean who cares what the kids do with their families. That's for the parents to decide. And who cares if the parent
wears whatever sheitel, tights...

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 3:10 am

amother OP wrote:

I mean who cares what the kids do with their families. That's for the parents to decide. And who cares if the parent
wears whatever sheitel, tights...

My husband always says that we pay tuition for the parents also. That's how it is these days unfortunately

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 3:23 am

my mom always said if you don't like the rules don't send to that school.

years ago when we applied we literally took the tv out of the house and put it outside while I filled out the application so I could write that we had no tv in the house . ..

imaima

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 3:34 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

Did you bring it back in after you were done writing?

amother

Gray

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 5:26 am

Rules are nothing new. My school had rules in the 80s-90s

I send my daughter to school thet doesn’t have rules though

essie14

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 5:35 am

The schools I send my kids to have no rules for the parents.

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 6:03 am

Tbh I send to a chabad school in EY (in a charedi neighborhood) and there are no rules for moms and tbh sometimes I wish there were certain standards. The principal talked about the importance of looking like a chassidic school when moms wait at the gate, and I see why she has issues. Mini skirts, slits up the thigh, blouses unbuttoned low, sheitels/mitpachot which are not proper hair coverings... it's a terrible example. Nevermind all the secular music and screen time at home. It's a problem.

Chickensoupprof

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 6:29 am

Ok I don't have a child in that parsha but I'm really opposed to some of the rules I hear about especially dresscodes or things what kids can't do or in their houses. It makes me really anxious to go live outside the NL.
It makes a weird division of what is better frum and not and it irks me to no end.
So, because your DH doesn't wear a hat and jacket and you wear lace top you are not allowed in school X. It gives a message that your family is not frum enough not good enough and thar 'real judaism' wearing this and that and that maybe sometimes parnets are feeling pressured to be change themselves in order to be accepted which can cause also lots of mental problems etc.

Then I hear things that are also really hypocritical a friend of mine in Amsterdam had her daughter in Manchester she has a tv, was not allowed in school X even though the kids barley were allowed to watch and she was really strict what their kids had to watch. Yet her neighbour who ahd a screen (not TV access) was allowed to sent to school X even though hre kids could watch non stop disney movies. It is sometimes really unfair and it creates a kind of 'I'm better then you' climate which I really oppose.

Because my DH who chose not to wear a hat and jacket evne not on shabbos, throws every kosher wrap package in a bin. Because he don't want a non-Jew to think that all frum Jews are just throwing their trash on the floor. But with lots of these rules it almost looks like that he is less of a frum Jew because he doens't wear a white shirt and a hat. I see also that lots of these things cause lots of resentiment for people..

And I do understand that if you are chassidish u sent your mosdos and you are right to do so but all the other schools.... Sorry I hate it also that people speak with disdain about MO as not Jewish enough...

amother

Pearl

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 7:06 am

The schools are completely out of control. They're little dictators and do not understand their place

Highstrung

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 7:44 am

I B”H send to a school that doesn’t have the crazy rules. Very basic and self understood type of rules .

alwayssmiling

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 8:14 am

They have definitely gone overboard with rules both with the parent body and student body.

Chickensoupprof

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 10:19 am

Im just really curious why they want to have a monolithic culture that everyone should be a cookie cutter.

NotInNJMommy

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 10:23 am

There's a major boundary issue. The schools are too focused on controlling the homes and the homes are too focused on controlling the schools/others at the schools.....to their respective detriments as they are not focused on their daled amos.

giftedmom

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 10:29 am

Yeah but at the same time and maybe because of it people take the rules less seriously.
Like, I read through the handbook and make sure all the clothing rules are followed but then my kids will come home and tell me no one is following the rules and they don’t want to be the exception.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 10:31 am

I chose a school based on the rules. The rules are very limited and mostly pertain to things only related to in school uniform and attendance.

amother

Bluebell

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 10:32 am

I don't think the rule escalation pressure is always coming from the schools. There is a definitely a parent element to it. Even parents who don't want to follow the strict school rules still want to be in the school with strict rules and tight admissions. And the schools want to be wanted by the parents.

amother

Bluebell

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 10:35 am

I live in a small enough community that both school options are hashkafically mixed and neither tries to control behavior outside of school. Yet. There is definitely interest in doing so among a contingent, but they don't have a critical mass yet.

amother

Ghostwhite

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 10:36 am

I could not stand the rigidity of school rules as a student.

alwayssmiling

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 10:37 am

amother Bluebell wrote:

Having rules is important, the question is where to draw the line and how to avoid overdoing it

amother

Iris

Wed, Sep 27 2023, 10:38 am

I went to an oot community bais yaakov - all different types (and plan on sending daughters there when relevant). My family was pretty middle of the road - I was not the frummest or the most modern in my class. The school balanced their rules pretty well - most tznius rules were reasonable and about trying to create a standard that would be comfortable for both sides of the aisle - yes sometimes they misjudged and upset parents, but it was a hard balance to find making all people happy when everyone was so different.
they had barely any rules about outside of school - it would be waaay too controversial. but maybe they should have since girls in my grade would show up to after school events in mini skirts...
I think schools having technology rules for the students is reasonable, but not for parents
also, idk why in town litvish schools make rules about when girls can get their license - never made sense to me

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