I am divorced with little kids AMA

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amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 1:53 pm

SuperWify

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 1:55 pm

Sending you lots of hugs. I have a few friends in this situation so I see how painful lonely and hard it is.

Do you have good friends who help you?

Living Princess

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:00 pm

How did the divorce affect your children?

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:00 pm

Thank you.

The majority of my old friends jumped ship. Divorce is not contagious Smile

But they still avoid both of us

I've built a new "village"

amother

Yolk

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:02 pm

Was it hard to come to the decision of divorcing

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:04 pm

My kids were very young. They adjusted pretty well. My oldest did take the longest to get used to the new normal. I was able to keep the house (I was the main breadwinner) so there was not a lot of noticeable changes for them. Even when married, I often felt like I was a single mom so not a whole lot of changes as basically, I continued to do what I used to do, just with a little less money and without having to take care of a 30-something man.

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:07 pm

amother Yolk wrote:

Was it hard to come to the decision of divorcing

Yes and No.

He had a mental breakdown. He had some issues which his family and he hid from me. Once it all come to light, there was financial, emotional and even physical abuse.

I stayed far too long trying "to get him help" etc. I should've done it earlier.

SuperWify

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you.

The majority of my old friends jumped ship. Divorce is not contagious Smile

But they still avoid both of us

I've built a new "village"

I’m sorry that’s absolutely pathetic of them. Can’t believe it. Wow. No words.

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:09 pm

SuperWify wrote:

I’m sorry that’s absolutely pathetic of them. Can’t believe it. Wow. No words.

Thank you. But its for the best. Who needs friends like that Wink

SuperWify

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you. But it’s for the best. Who needs friends like that Wink

I guess you are right! With friends like these… as they say.

I’m just trying to wrap my head around such a thing. Do you mind me asking what type of community you are from?

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:12 pm

SuperWify wrote:

I guess you are right! With friends like these… as they say.

I’m just trying to wrap my head around such a thing. Do you mind me asking what type of community you are from?

I am a BT, living in a large OOT community. I'm somewhere between yeshivish and JPF.

amother

SandyBrown

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

I've always been curious. Can you explain what a mental breakdown is? Like what happened? Did you know it was a mental breakdown at the time? Can life go back to normal after one happens? Is it a one-time thing or is it something that has additional episodes later?

Dev80

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:15 pm

I have a friend at the beginning of this journey. Also mental health issues and really trying to be there for her!
Do you appreciate sleepover shabbos invites, or is it easier to be home?
Did it take a long time to secure your get?
Does your husband have visitation or custody and does it make you nervous because of his issues?

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:22 pm

amother SandyBrown wrote:

I've always been curious. Can you explain what a mental breakdown is?- in this case, I ignored some red flags because I was so busy with work and kids, and one day he attacked me in front of our oldest child.

I insisted he go see a psychiatrist, and then all of the other stuff came to light.

Like what happened? Did you know it was a mental breakdown at the time? Can life go back to normal after one happens? I don't know if life can go back to normal. I think this - a case-by-case situation. Here, he was not willing to even acknowledge he had a problem, so....I suspect in other cases, maybe if the person is willing to get help and work on themselves....

Is it a one-time thing or is it something that has additional episodes later? He is having more issues, but they are not as severe, I guess. I suspect he is prone to another episode, but not much I can do....

amother

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 2:26 pm

Dev80 wrote:

I have a friend at the beginning of this journey. Also mental health issues and really trying to be there for her! Thank you for being a good friend.
Do you appreciate sleepover shabbos invites, or is it easier to be home? It depends, really, how old are her kids, etc? I prefer to have visitors at home and I prefer to host sometimes, lunch invites are nice ....ask her
Did it take a long time to secure your get? No, it was a part of my secular divorce, so that in case of anything, he would be in contempt of the court.

Does your husband have visitation or custody and does it make you nervous because of his issues?

Yes, he is allowed to see the kids every other weekend. It does make me very nervous...

amother

Latte

Thu, Sep 28 2023, 3:34 pm

Do you think of remarrying?

amother

Iris

Fri, Sep 29 2023, 6:42 am

Pls let him see the kids. Even it means supervised visitations...you are not doing the kids a favor by cutting them off from a part of their soul

Speaking from first hand experience and seeing the extreme Fallout from trying to protect the kids from weaker parent

emee2

Fri, Sep 29 2023, 6:47 am

Any advice for others in the same boat? I struggle with making Shabbos and Yom Tov good for my kids. I feel so lonely and don’t look forward to it at all. We never get invited out so it’s just me and my kids.

amother

Fri, Sep 29 2023, 7:39 am

amother Latte wrote:

Do you think of remarrying?

Yes. I would love to find a suitable partner.

amother

Fri, Sep 29 2023, 7:40 am

amother Iris wrote:

I have never prevented him from seeing the kids or said any unkind words about him to the kids.

We have a court-ordered schedule, which he doesn't keep, and shows up maybe half the time ...

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