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NechaMom
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 Thu, Sep 28 2023, 7:56 pm
Wow!
What do you miss the most and what do you miss the least from your previous lifestyle?
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amother
OP
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Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:03 pm
| NechaMom wrote: | Wow!
What do you miss the most and what do you miss the least from your previous lifestyle? |
Most: probably the flexibility - go to a restaurant or fast-food place on a whim, go swimming without worrying about tznius, wear whatever I wanted (nothing racy, I’m talking comfy shorts and a T-shirt or tank top when it’s a million degrees outside), having two weekend days to do stuff, and the music from the reform temple services.
Least: the pressure to do youth group, reform yomim noraim services (zol zein a kapara, having to sit through that for years, lol) having to wear tons of sunscreen (the flip side of not worrying about tznius). And the expectations of having to go to every single bar and bat mitzvah AND party of anyone I was remotely connected to, even if I knew no one there, and getting “called up to the Torah” (get an aliyah). Wearing a “tallis.” The rigidity of the reform temple’s requirements. The showiness and pretentiousness devoid of ruchnius.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Sep 28 2023, 8:14 pm
| amother Amber wrote: | Me too! I was 11.
What circles do you identify yourself with now?
How did your parents handle it?
Did you grow up with any Jewish education or background?
Is your husband a BT?
If you have kids, whats their relationship like with your family? Cousins? Siblings?
How was shidduchim for you?
I have yet to meet anyone who became frum as a teenager so I'm glad you started this! |
I was 13. I went through a years-long farbrente wannabe yeshivish phase, attended 3 mainstream BY seminaries (this would definitely out me so I am anon, lol), and now feel most comfortable with aspects of yeshivish hashkafa, but am also much more chilled out frumkeit-wise (still keep halacha, ask shailos as needed, etc, but I’m not learning 5 different mussar seforim every morning before breakfast anymore).
Yup DH is a BT, although he became frum in college.
So far we have a toddler and I’m expecting BH. Our families are obsessed with DS lol. To be fair he is quite cute kah. 🥰
Shidduchim was not fun. I dated a bunch of weirdos (and most of the not-weird guys married other girls I know). Conversations with shadchanim were either extremely stressful (“you’re not getting younger! You can’t be so picky!” When I wanted someone emotionally stable who would be able to interact positively with my family), or alternatively ridiculous to the point of being hysterically funny, looking back. A shadchan once called me asking if I “had become more flexible” in what I was looking for from when he had seen my resume a couple years earlier. Turned out he wanted to set me up with a divorced chossid who didn’t speak English and lives in Boro Park. I asked what shaychus because - really? A long-time BT from an atypical background who doesn’t know Yiddish and doesn’t want to become chassidish? Why would that be nogei’ah? His response: “Well, he is a kohen, and he is divorced and chassidish, so his options are limited.” Ah-hah. Okay then. Then the shadchan emails me a photo of the guy and spends a good 15 minutes asking me if I “can see myself building an emotional relationship” with this particular man. I told him I don’t know that I can “see myself building an emotional relationship” with someone based on a photo. He didn’t get why not, lol.
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